Blog Archive

Corporate Etiquette 115 . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, April 29, 2009

{The workplace is a jungle filled with jackals, wineheads and bosses with mouths like a crocodile. There are also decent people, but I'm starting to question the percentages. This is the 15th in a series of corporate encounters which offer no easy resolutions.}

It was 4:02 p.m. yesterday and I had just escaped the confines of my office, driving south towards my loft in a desperate attempt to beat the rush hour traffic.

The decision was bold. This wasn’t some typical Friday or even a random Thursday when leaking out early could be chalked up to mitigating circumstances and easily forgiven. This was a Tuesday, a day when business was conducted – or at least one that should be.

But I was gone. Just after entering the freeway, however, my Blackberry vibrated accusingly in the middle console. I grabbed it and took a quick glance at the sender while focusing on the road. It was my boss. There was no message – only a subject line – which read “Where are you?”

Son a bitch.

I never text and drive, but I managed to shoot off a one-word response: “Bathroom.”

The answer came back in an instant: “Get upstairs for an important meeting.”

Shit. Piss. Fuck. I cursed and slammed on the gas to reach the next exit where I leapt off the road and hooked a u-turn to get back to the office. Of course, I missed every light on the access road and then eventually roared into the parking lot and threw my car into a one-hour parking slot on the first level before dashing upstairs.

I entered the meeting room a little bit sweaty and as I sat down with my colleagues, I could only imagine what my boss must have been thinking about exactly what I had been doing in the bathroom to cause so much time to elapse and for so much perspiration to occur.

The answer was too horrible to ponder.



  1. JLee Says:
  2. A very bold move my friend. That's probably what they were thinking: a very bold MOVEMENT. ha

  3. wigsf Says:
  4. Do you believe in karma?

  5. Jlee - Ha. I love a good pun - even in a bad situation. :)

    WIGSF - To a degree, but usually I like to come out on the sunny side of it . . .

  6. TROLL Y2K Says:
  7. Spider ignores the
    policy and procedure.
    Caught in tangled web.

  8. Heff Says:
  9. You should have walked in to the meeting with a tube of lubricant in your hand.

  10. Troll Y2K - True. Haiku true. But true nonetheless.

    Heff - For crying out loud, I'm not trying to lose this job. Ha. It's a nasty economy out there . . .

  11. Boxer Says:
  12. BWAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHA. I'm thinking of Jim Carey in Ace Ventura when he comes out of the bathroom.

    So.Very.Busted. It was a bold move, friend and I applaud you.

  13. BostonPobble Says:
  14. My question would have been why were you so long and so sweaty in the bathroom With Your Blackberry? But hey, at least there was one time in your life where the bathroom was your friend.

  15. nobich Says:
  16. You really don't have any luck with bathroom situations even the one's that don't happen

  17. I'm thinking of Austin Powers: "Who does Number Two work for?"

  18. Miss Ash Says:
  19. Well it's not like you specified where the bathroom was right??? You could have meant the local pub down the street's WC.

  20. Boxer - I appreciate the applause, and I hadn't thought of that 'Ace' seen in years. Ha. So, thanks for that one.

    Bostonpobble - That's the kind of karma I'm talking about as the bathroom did finally come to my aid - a little bit. It's still a vengeful creature . . . And people take their Blackberries EVERYWHERE, which is wrong but it definitely happens.

    Nobich - This was slightly lucky only that it provided an excuse as my exact location. But you're right as it still wasn't wholly good at all. It never will be. Ha.

    Native Minnow - My favorite part of that movie. Ha. Good stuff.

    Miss Ash - True. But I was hoping he would assume that I meant I was inside one in our building. Ha.

  21. slopmaster Says:
  22. Good move, it could have been worse.

    So, was the meeting really that important??

  23. Gypsy Says:
  24. What a shitty thing to happen just when you'd made good your escape. Btw pun intended.

  25. Slopmaster - Thanks, and of course not. Ha. Very few "important meetings" are anywhere close to that tag.

    Gypsy - Nice to see you back with name change, love all puns and hope things are well.


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