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Warehouse Tales Volume 1 . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Monday, February 23, 2009

I decided to run by a warehouse sale at Four Hands after work this past week.



Four Hands has some pretty sharp furniture, and their warehouse sales typically occur once every 3 or 4 months and offer deep discounts on a wide range of stuff. I’ve only been to one of these in the past, however, it was nothing short of a human zoo as you had to park across the street, wait in line to enter the fray and then battle your way around the labyrinth of sale items.

This isn’t a fun or relaxing experience. It is brutish and ugly. There is no personal space, thuggish behavior is rewarded and you can smell the commerce rising up from the furniture, which only whips the crowd into a greater frenzy. Selah.

Anyway, this time I was hopeful as they were holding a preview day, sent to me via email, and so I was cautiously optimistic that attendance would be much more sparse than the last time.

It was misting lightly as I drove up to the warehouse, and once again I had to park across the street. I was wearing these beat-up, slightly bizarre leather boots I bought on my one trip to Italy and this was important because their grip was poor on the wet ground. I knew this, however, so I was stepping slowly as I focused my attention on the street traffic because I had to cross it to enter the sale.

I stepped onto the sidewalk and began moving towards the street since there was a break in traffic. But before I got there, my right foot suddenly slid wildly out from under me and my entire body followed suit. Luckily, I have the coordination of a jungle cat and so I managed to remain upright, but I couldn’t believe I’d nearly managed to fall flat on my ass while walking so slowly.

Then, I looked down to the ground and saw what had caused me to slide: A banana peel. Seriously.


I felt like I had been thrown into a cartoon without my knowledge or consent. Who would actually throw a banana peel onto the ground? And consequently, who slips on one? Does this happen in real life, not just in the Sunday cartoon section?

The only thing I did learn was that banana peels are slippery as hell. This is no urban myth or cartoon legend.

I began laughing out loud, talking this situation over to myself as I crossed the street. I noticed that a man on the other side, leaving the sale, was watching me uneasily as I came towards him with a wild grin on my face.

I said nothing as we passed in opposite directions. Besides, he wouldn’t have understood why I was watching for Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner to appear at any minute.


-BDS

16 comments

  1. Heff Says:
  2. Now that's something I've NEVER done. I've busted my ass on many occasions for many reasons, but I've NEVER confronted the dreaded banana peel.

     
  3. BostonPobble Says:
  4. This goes in the "you can't put it in a script because no one would believe you" category. You know this, right? ;)

     
  5. Heff - Trust me, you don't ever want to experience it. Ha. It's no good in real life.

    Bostonpobble - I know, I know. Ha. My wife didn't believe me for awhile either, and I'm not typically one to stretch the true that often. I had to stare at the peel for a long time before deciding it was actually real.

     
  6. JLee Says:
  7. That is hysterical and a once in a lifetime occurrence. Just watch out for any trucks that have "ACME" on the side. haha
    On another note, too bad Mickey didn't nab an Oscar last night, but at least Sean Penn gave him a shout out.

     
  8. Wendy Says:
  9. Once, when I was about 4, I stuck out my foot as my 6-year-old sister went running across the room. I had no idea that this would actually cause someone to trip, just like in TV cartoons. My sister not only tripped, but tumbled, then landed headfirst on an end table, cutting her head and bleeding all over the place. Stupid cartoons.

     
  10. I've said it before, I'll say it again: no good can come from a banana.

     
  11. Jlee - Agreed on both fronts. Ha. And I will watch out for the Acme trucks as that can only signal doom. I was pulling for Rourke, but had a feeling Penn would win it.

    Wendy - These things could unwittingly (or maybe purposefully) ruining the youth of America. Things seem reasonable in the cartoons and the consequences are usually nil, but in real life, bad things can and do occur. Head injuries bleed a lot, so I imagine it was quite a mess at your house.

    WhatIgot - This only reinforces your contention. The danger factor ups the ante, eh?

     
  12. nobich Says:
  13. Banana peel!! beep beep!!

     
  14. Boxer Says:
  15. Bwahahahah - you are a cliche! Once you survived by utilizing your core strength.... what did you buy?

     
  16. Nobich - Beep beep indeed. I felt pretty damn silly, but had to laugh.

    Anonymous Boxer - Take it from me, it doesn't feel good to be a walking cliche, so avoid it at all costs. As for the purchase, I guess you'll have to wait for volume 2 for that disclosure. Ha.

     
  17. kmwthay Says:
  18. I once slipped on a banana. The peel was no where in sight. Unlike you, I do not have the coordination of a jungle cat, and I bit it. At least cartoons can make slipping somewhat graceful, but I stumbled forward 3 or 4 steps before meeting the concrete with my face.

     
  19. Miss Ash Says:
  20. You can't even make this shit up...I love it!! A banana peel....for real???

    Next thing you know you'll run into a man with a gun chasing "wabbits"

     
  21. Kmwthay - Ouch. That story is not as funny since the concrete sounds terribly painful, but that seems almost stranger because who would leave the full banana behind yet take the peel? Bizarre. Hopefully, you didn't lose any teeth or anything else in that accident . . .

    Miss Ash - I know, and yes, it did really happen (although I have to convince people of that fact every time I tell the story). And I might live in TX, but most people don't run around with guns hunting wabbits, so if I see one, I'm headed the other direction. Ha.

     
  22. I was really hoping this story would end with that guy slipping on the banana peel too. And just so you don't feel too bad, I've done it too. Someone threw one on the ground when I was working at UPS. I also avoided falling down, but the package I was carrying wasn't so lucky.

     
  23. kmwthay Says:
  24. It was about a third of a banana as I recall. That has been a few years ago now, but I remember seeing it on the ground and I tried to step over it, but my stride just wasn't quite long enough.

     
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