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Bathing With The Drunken Viking . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, February 18, 2009

{This is the 25th entry in a recurring series that will only happen when I have consumed far too many spirits with my brother. Last night, we celebrated a package delivery with several bottles of Negro Modelo which triggered strange thoughts, candid insights and pure horseshit. Selah.}



• Just because you have tinted windows doesn’t mean other drivers can’t see you picking your nose.

• If you go home with a woman to discover a single unicorn picture, more than two cats or lace everywhere then do NOT spend the night there – just go home afterwards.


• Invite one bad drunk to a dinner party to spur conversation, however, more than one ensures a debacle.

• While traveling for business, the bar at any Chili’s is the loneliest place in the world – avoid it at all costs.


• What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas except for communicable diseases

• If you surf for porn at work, then you have a problem. If it’s at home, then it’s a hobby. If you’re self-employed, then it’s a gray area.

• Forget talk about inner peace and tranquility, yoga is great for stretching your sexual endurance


• Cut older people slack on the road, but not when it comes to talking inside movie theaters – nobody gets a free pass there.

• Never let a dog bigger than you hump your leg.


"I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." ~Winston Churchill

-BDS

18 comments

  1. Heff Says:
  2. Glad to know my porn searches fall in to the "Gray area".

    I'm rather impressed with your tolerance level. I once "Partied with the Negro", and it DID NOT treat me well.

     
  3. Heff Says:
  4. Um, we better get politically correct, here.

    It's actually "NegrA Modelo".

     
  5. Usually, I love these drunken viking posts as they are often the breeding grounds for creativity. But I'm afraid today you've done little more than tread water. There doesn't seem to be anything really new and different here. Must be the NegrA Modelo.

     
  6. Heff - Gray works for me, and I like Negro Modelos, although I don't often drink them all night long.

    WhatIgot - I blame the 25th installment. If you do the math, that's about 250 - 300 bullet points & I'm finding there is only so much that lends itself to this format. But it might be the beer.

     
  7. Heff Says:
  8. It was the beer.

    Don't drop this feature.

     
  9. CHEF TROLL Says:
  10. What if you're self-employed and surfing for porn while using the Wi-Fi at Atlanta Bread Company?

     
  11. Romany Angel Says:
  12. Please don't drop this feature B, I thought it was funny.

    My favourite was the porn one. You can justify just about anything if it falls in the gray area.

    That dog is a FREAK.

     
  13. Boxer Says:
  14. AHAHAH - I love the updated photo of Drunky Viking.

    If I had a hangover, I'd post NOTHING, so thanks for going to the trouble. I can't agree more about Chili's. I spent about an hour in their bar and I'm still having nightmares.

     
  15. BostonPobble Says:
  16. Ewwww...grown women should not, I repeat NOT, have unicorns in their house. Dude. If she does, be grateful if you *can* get away afterward.

     
  17. Boxer Says:
  18. P.S. When I surf Petfinder for Chihuahua's, that's my version of PORN.

     
  19. JLee Says:
  20. I disagree w/WIGSF...
    I like the tinted windows one because people do seem to think it's a force field of invisibility. ha
    What package delivery, dare I ask?

     
  21. Heff - Thanks as I don't plan to, however, it might just be more spaced out until the proper combination is found . . . Ha.

    TheTroll - That seems fine to me as I like the detail about the Atlanta Bread Company location - that's what sold it for me.

    Romany Angel - Thanks, and that dog is a total freak or the lady is midget. I think it's the dog as that brute is massive. As you noted, you can justify almost anything in the gray area, which sometimes can lead to trouble as many things fall under that umbrella for me. Ha.

    Boxer - I don't judge on Chihuahua porn or virtually anything else as I like to think of myself as a tolerant individual. Ha. And I was hoping someone else would verify my feelings about Chili's as it's easy to get dragged there in an unfamiliar city while away on business. I suggest you fight against that pull.

    Bostonbpobble - I agree, and for safety, if you encounter a unicorn picture, pillow, etc. then you should probably flee immediately so you don't get trapped as you noted or find yourself dressed up like a unicorn in an ugly and demeaning sexual escapade.

    Jlee - I know what you mean about that cloak as I thought of it the other day while I was driving, and watching someone to my left do just this very thing. The fact that I finally have a car with tinted windows has nothing to do with it. Ha.

     
  22. Linda Says:
  23. Last time I was in a bar in a Chilli's, I met a guy who had "been in and out of jail for the last few months". And a woman who wanted to order a half glass of wine, what the hell's that? Needeless to say, I've learned my lesson.

     
  24. Miss Ash Says:
  25. To go along with the unicorn pics should be pictures of wolves....you know the ones *shudder* I would run like hell if I saw a whack of those hanging up on some guys wall.

     
  26. Net_Bug Says:
  27. Did Winston Churchill really say that??

     
  28. Linda - Ha. I like both those lines, but the half-glass of wine I find especially bizarre. I wonder if she got it? Regardless, thanks for another proof point in the Chili's bar scene.

    Miss Ash - You're right . . . wolf pics are the male equivelant (sp?) of the unicorn. Good call. I would stay away from that as well as guys who hang swords on their wall. Seriously.

    Net Bug - I found it on the Net . . . so maybe. Ha. I could believe it, however, as Winston had a lot of stellar quotes in his lifetime.

     
  29. Linda Says:
  30. Not even Chili's will serve a half glass of wine. The bartender thought that was as absurd as we do. She actually laughed. There's hope!

     
  31. Porn at work = problem.

    I'd hate to think of what it means if you're looking at porn and masturbating on the job.

     

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