Blog Archive

Spring Passage . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, April 09, 2008

It's official - the New Year's Resolution crowd has forsaken my gym once again in their annual rite of spring passage.

This departure is regular as clockwork, a flight that make me happy because I loathe crowded gyms, lines for equipment and male nudity in the locker rooms. Obviously, you can never fully get away from the last one, however, when the population density is at peak season, there is nowhere to turn without swinging appendages and hair running amok.

{Editor's Note: This never happens inside actual locker rooms."}

It can also lead to uncomfortable exchanges like the one I had a few weeks ago:

Naked, Hairy Man: "How often do you work out?"

Me (wearing towel): "As often as I can."

Naked, Hairy Man: "I can tell. What should I do about this?" (Grabs his ample belly)

Me (wearing towel): "Keep working out. Diet's also pretty important." (Start walking towards shower)

Naked, Hairy Man: "So no Cheesesteaks for lunch everyday I guess."

Me: "Maybe not every singe day."

I admire the fresh expectations set every January, and am generally encouraging about anyone starting a fitness program - I just want them to exercise at a time when I'm not there. This is not a trivial matter for me as I hit the gym every weekday at 6:45 a.m.

At that time of day, I have only had 1 cup of coffee and don't want to talk to anyone except my Ipod, a stance that often gets ignored with this mass influx of people who seem to enjoy performing one set of an exercise and then want to stand and chat about it for 5 minutes.

But these minor issues are now finished. The thinning crowds started in March, and have reverted back to the regulars by now. Although I understand the cycle, the timing still seems strange to me because January and February have to be the least motivating months to start working out.

The weather is putrid. You're still wearing baggy clothes with multiple layers and the beach is a pipedream. Then, when the weather starts to actually warm up in March and April, the cycle is finished and drop-offs increase just as people start wearing less clothing. It seems ass-backwards to me.

In theory, the best case would be to start the program in March and then quit in the summer. Then, by the time your body caught up to the lack of exercise, it would be nearly fall and the clothes start piling on once again which would hide the lack of effort.

Oh well, this cycle is simply another force that I don't understand like the one which causes the dryer to lose my socks or why bad things tend to come in threes. That being said, I'm simply content to shower in a locker room where I can roam freely without watching every single step.



  1. JLee Says:
  2. That locker room picture is greatly disturbing to me. I can't quite figure out what's going on there. It seems the people that should not be naked are the ones who like to run around naked. Why is this? Yet another reason I like to shower at home...

  3. Heff Says:
  4. 2 Words for 2 Dollar - BASEMENT GYM. It's never dirtier than my own personal funk, and I only have to look at my own personal junk.

  5. Jlee - I found it disturbing as well, and luckily, I don't think it exists in real life. At least I never want to find out if it does. Ha. And I would love to shower at home if I had the option after the gym.

    Heff - I know. That's a good idea, and once I get out of my loft, I plan to dedicate some space in a house to that project. For now, the random junk continues.

  6. cats Says:
  7. you should have told naked hairy man that he needed to walk to philly to get those cheese steaks, since that's the only place you should eat one anyway.

  8. The Troll Says:
  9. Some of the regs are annoying talkative as well. Actually, I think they run-off some of the New Year's Resolution newbies. Especially the chicks.

    They, some of them, don't quit because they're undisciplined. They quit cause they're tired of Helpful Harry and How-To-Get-Huge Hank and Let's-Talk-About-Your-Body Tony and These-Are-The-Supplements-I-Use Teddy.


  10. Cats - Ha. That would have been much better than my commment as I was just trying to get away and end the conversation as I was tired and late for work.

    Troll - You're dead-on right about "those regulars." I find that most of those guys tend to favor lyrca and string tank-tops while giving unsolicited advice. I avoid them as well. The absolute worst is the guys who sell supplements on the side as they drone on and on while trying to convince you to pay hundreds of bucks for protein powder. Ridiculous.

  11. Miss Ash Says:
  12. I don't talk to anyone at the gym unless it's absolutely necessary as in "are you finished with that"

    You need to put your bitch face on :)

    Oh and ughhh thanks for the male nudity ... I think :|

  13. Miss Ash Says:
  14. Oh and a funny story that happened to my rather buff male friend. Some old guy in a Michelin Tires T-shirt kept watching him while he was on the leg press machine. Michelin guy saunters over and asks how many my friend can do and at what weight. My friend tells the guy and he retorts back with "well I can do more" .... what a weirdo.

  15. BostonPobble Says:
  16. The gym locker room ... shudder.

  17. vivavavoom Says:
  18. hee the philly cheese steak exchange. Jan and Feb are big because of new years resolutions....that last 2 months. I have also been awful with going regularly, even though I feel SO much better when I do. I liken it to how church was for me as a little kid. Did not want to go, once I got to the 'peace be with you' part I knew we were in the home stretch and then for some reason i felt better afterwards. They also use to have doughnuts and juice afterwards so that may have been the reason.

  19. Miss Ash - That's a pretty funny story as I thought it was going a different direction when it started. Ha. Your friend should have made him get down on the leg press & prove it. As for the male nudity, I guess it was to karmically balance out all the female bits around here - just don't get used to it. Finally, I'll work on my bitch face, but it's semi-decent right now as most people leave me alone.

    Bostonpobble - It's every bit as sexy as you'd imagine. Ha. I would prefer a female locker room.

    Vivavavoom - That's a good analogy. I felt the same way about church growing up as the rule in my house was I could stay out fairly late on Saturday nights as long as I got up for church on Sundays. And my church had juice, kolaches and donuts too - they were quite tasty on a hangover. As for the gym, it's defnitely the New Years crowd every year, which I think is just fine but I just don't want a lot of people in the gym - regulars or not - at the time I go. I don't consider it a social club. Ha.

  20. Franki Says:
  21. Dude. Naked Hairy Man was totally hitting on you and seeing if you had "eating philly cheesesteaks for lunch every day" in common.

  22. Grace Says:
  23. And that is why I don't go to gyms. I've got a few machines at home, and they're all I use. And by the way, that pic totally doesn't count because it's not hot... it's just disturbing. You still owe the girls one! :)

  24. Franki - Maybe, but we don't have that in common as I usually only eat them after drinking and not everyday. Details. Ha. Regardless, it was not a fun conversation at 7:45 a.m. (or anytime really).

    Grace - Dammit. Now, I have to admit that it was me in the chaps. Oh well, back to the drawing board with images, and I'll settle up at some point in the future. It might be a long time in the future, but still . . . As for home gyms, it would be nice to be able to avoid things like I described, so that seems like an excellent solution.

  25. Gypsy Says:
  26. Thankyou Grace...I have been trying to get this man to balance the ledger for quite some time. Oh hi BDS..sorry.... didn't see you there.

    I go to Curves and there is always an instructor in the middle of the circuit at all times just making sure everyone is using the equipment correctly for maximum benefit. That's fine but why do they insist on trying to engage you in conversation when you scarsely have enough puff to haul your ass onto the next station. They then wonder why my heart rate is erratic and completely off the chart.

  27. H.Wood Says:
  28. I hate the New Year's crowd. We all know they're not going to stick with it, so why bother crowding my gym?

    Heff: I'd totally do the basement gym if I could. No more gym stench and greasy equipment. No more shitty 80s music playing. No lines. Nice.

  29. Gypsy - Ha. "Balance the ledger" indeed . . I give and I give, but it's never enough. As for Curves and most any gym, there seems to be some unwritten rule that a lot of conversation must occur or you don't get the full benefit. I like as little as possible, but then again, I go fairly early in the a.m.

    H. Wood - Home gyms would be nice, but it's a hell of a long drive from CA to AL. With these gas prices, it'd be far cheaper with a standard membership even with the problems that come with that choice. Ha.


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