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Bathing With The Drunken Viking . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, April 23, 2008

{This is the Nineteenth in a recurring series that will only happen when I have consumed far too many spirits with my brother. Last night, we had a mini-celebration (more on that in a later post) and a few pitchers of Spaten were consumed which triggered strange thoughts, candid insights and pure horseshit. Selah.}



* The only thing you're mocking while wearing a mock turtleneck is yourself


* Power walking is still walking - you just look strange while doing it

* Unless you're a male stripper, then there is never enough justification for a thong


* Lesbians have a strong affinity for Westerns

* "Dancing With Myself" by Billy Idol is always a good karaoke choice to get the crowd going

* A Koala Bear would make a phenomenal pet


* Customer Support hotline jobs must be a dream gig because it seems to be a license to piss people off with absolute immunity

* You will never get a reasonable answer to "Don't you already have enough shoes?"

* Anyone is the most interesting person in the world on cocaine


* Have sex on any part of a car except inside the trunk

* Never got to bed with anyone crazier than you

* "The worse thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober." — William Butler Yeats

-BDS

23 comments

  1. You will never get a reasonable answer to "Don't you already have enough shoes?"

    Same goes with purses.

     
  2. WhatIgot - Definitely. It's an excercise in futility to try to explain either of these items.

     
  3. JLee Says:
  4. That first one struck me so funny I was laughing out loud (along with the thong picture) Great Viking Post. Thanks for the advice on the "junk in the trunk" ha

     
  5. Gypsy Says:
  6. Now you knew I would weigh in on the koala thing didn't you? They are cute but man their claws could rip open sheet metal and you just better have a gum leaf ready to go at all times. They growl too...LOUDLY....

    * Have sex on any part of a car except inside the trunk - read my latest post to see why this scenario would be very unlikely.

     
  7. Miss Ash Says:
  8. Along with the mock turtleneck thing, what the hell is a dickie for??? To make it look like one is wearing a turtleneck??

     
  9. Heff Says:
  10. "Never got to bed with anyone crazier than you" ?? DAMNIT !!

     
  11. Jlee - I hate mock turtlnecks. I loathe them. Ha. And the trunk is for safety as you don't want it to accidentally shut on you. That is a bad deal for sure.

    Gypsy - Ha. I was hoping I would get some expert advice from you, and I didn't know that about their claws. That is actually very terrifying. And I will definitely check out your latest post if you have answer to the trunk scenario.

    Miss Ash - Agreed. I have no idea about the rationale for those either as they both seem ridiculous and should never be worn by anyone. Anyone.

     
  12. Heff - Missed you in Cyberspace. I was waiting for someone to comment on that one. Ha. And I don't mean you can't sleep with them, but I think it is dangerous for long-term health to let them stay over and stay with them. There are of course exceptions to this rule.

     
  13. "Unless you're a male stripper, then there is never enough justification for a thong"

    You know? Not even a male stripper should wear a thong.

    Nice to see the Drunk Viking.... although I hope it doesn't mean you're nursing a hangover today.

     
  14. nobich Says:
  15. I love the end quote.
    do they still make dickies???

     
  16. Anonymous Boxer - You could certainly make that argument as well, although it seems to be part of the uniform. And the Viking only Feels semi-awful today which is not that bad. It's all relative, eh?

    Nobich - I like that quote too as I just found it recently. As for Dickies, maybe it is more prevalent in Canada, although Dickies never truly die. Ha.

     
  17. Gay, straight, stripper or non - No thongs for men. End of story.

     
  18. Wendy Says:
  19. Oh, my, my. So much to address here. I'll skip the cocaine stories in case my children are reading this. I do, however, find mock turtlenecks hilarious. About four years ago, my husband was buying a new suit, and, because he's 6'4" and thin, the saleswoman decided he (whose normal attire is t-shirt and jeans) needed to model a mock turtleneck and slacks. He freakin' looked like Middle-Aged Dad from the J.C. Penney's Fathers Day catalog. Except much more uncomfortable.

     
  20. Native Minnow - I know. I agree too, but if you're a male stripper I think you have to wear one or they throw you out of the Union. I could, of course, always be wrong about this subject and really don't have the desire to find out for certain. Regardless, thongs on women are great and yet it turns to filth on men.

    Wendy - Ignoring the drug stories, I love your description concerning a "Middle-Aged Dad from the J.C. Penney's Fathers Day catalog." Now that's funny. I'm sure you convinced your husband that this was a poor choice, and that the salesperson obviously was a lunatic. It seems like an easy sell to me. Ha.

     
  21. Linda Says:
  22. That must have been a wicked drunk! Women have shoes and purses, men have guitars and cars, do the math : )

     
  23. grace Says:
  24. Look at that koala's feet... so cute! Love your Drunken Viking posts, always have, always will.

     
  25. Ozy Says:
  26. What a riot!

    Brilliant, hope you get drunk more often lol

    Peace.

     
  27. Linda - I like the rhyming, but I have no guitars. Ha. But if I could play one then I imagine I would have several of them. Regardless, it's a point well taken.

    Grace - The Viking is all about the love - among other things. Ha. And I have dug Kowala Bears for awhile as I could always imagine coming home and finding one on my couch munching on leaves and hogging the remote.

    Ozy - Thanks, and I wouldn't bet against it happening again. Some forces cannot be stopped - for good or ill.

     
  28. The Troll Says:
  29. Kinda clueless on most of those but agree about thongs. In fact, guys who even mention what sort of underwear they wear should be shot immediately.

     
  30. The Troll - Ha. That's probably an even better philosophy right there. It's best left unsaid as some things you simply don't need to know.

     
  31. J7 L7+ Says:
  32. Yes, with two rails of yayo I focus like a laser on librarian conversationalists

     
  33. J717+ - You better believe it. It's like a laser focus that renders everyone insanely interesting.

     
  34. Blogger Says:
  35. I have just downloaded iStripper, and now I enjoy having the hottest virtual strippers on my desktop.

     

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