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Is It Really Cheating If . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, April 02, 2008

{This is the Twelfth in a recurring series which will explore the brutally complex concept of monogomy in increasingly outlandish scenarios. We hope these will be illuminating what-if scenarios, and that they will cultivate some intense philosophical discussions around what, if anything, really constitutes cheating.}

Is It Really Cheating If:

Your wife/fiancé/girlfriend has slipped on liquid pomade, fallen down the stairs and twisted her back which puts her in the hospital.

She is in gut-wrenching pain, a condition which causes the doctors to place her on a steady stream of painkillers and morphine. This potent combination keeps her distanced from reality for several days as you vigilantly visit her in the hospital.

One night while you are watching her doze from the medication, an attractive blonde nurse comes into the room to give her a sponge bath.

"Do you want to watch?" the nurse asks you.

Of course.

You comment on the nurse's fine attention to detail as she scrubs your wife/fiancé/girlfriend into a state of cleanliness that seems unparalleled in your mind. The nurse watches you for long periods as this occurs, and as she finishes the job, she confides that she could persuade the doctor to give your wife/fiancé/girlfriend expensive treatment that is guaranteed to speed her recovery for a fraction of the cost - if she can give you a sponge bath as well.

You glance at your wife/fiancé/girlfriend who sleeps on the bed. Her pain is still evident, so you quickly shed your clothes and have every inch of your body rubbed down with the thoroughness of a shoe-shine attendant and the tenderness of a fine butcher.

The next day, the doctor applies his treatment to your wife/fiancé/girlfriend, and within another day, she is out of the hospital and feeling better with only the hazy memory of you lying buck naked in her room, a recollection you blame on the drugs.

So, to help expedite her recovery, and given your own predilection for exquisite hygiene as well as the fact that she doesn't recall the incident . . . Is it really cheating?



  1. JLee Says:
  2. "the thoroughness of a shoe-shine attendant and the tenderness of a fine butcher" hahaha
    Hey, sometimes you have to sacrifice, eh?
    Oh, if healthcare were only that negotiable...

  3. If only . . . Ha. And I meant to find a picture of a butcher, but ran out of time. Life is full of missed opportuntities.

  4. Heff Says:
  5. Who cares if it's cheating...LOOK AT THAT NURSE !!

  6. Miss Ash Says:
  7. Cheating!!

    Had the wife/fiance/girlfriend agreed to let the nurse sponge him in her hazey drug induced state...then it would not have been cheating. It's all about the details.

  8. Heff - You're missing the point. Ha. Let's keep our head in the game, eh?

    Miss Ash - Dammit. The exclamation points really seem like too much though . .. don't you think? But you are right, it's all about the details.

  9. Claire Says:
  10. Heh. I think it's cheating, but in a really weird altruistic twisted sort of way!


  11. It's only cheating if you purposely put the pomade on the floor as a trap to make her trip and fall down.

  12. SymplyAmused Says:
  13. Yes! Still cheating. Hey, you can give the girlfriend a sponge bath though!!! : )

  14. Claire - Ha. I kept meaning to throw the term "altruistic" in there as it crossed my mind for the ending. But I guess even being altruistic doesn't mean it's not cheating, eh?

    WhatIgot - The pomade was an accident. I promise. So, at least that's one in the non-cheating category as I think if it didn't progress beyond the sponge bath, then it falls in that category.

    Symplyamused - Close to not cheating . . . What if I gave the girlfriend a sponge bath too? Then, maybe it would cancel out if I received one. That's a good idea. Ha.

  15. Cheating. No question. Why do you lie about it to your spouse? because it's cheating. It might be really fun cheating, but cheating nonetheless. The real question is: Would it stll be sexy if it was your Grandma you were visiting in the hospital?

  16. Ahahah - CHEATING.

    Sorry. But great story.

  17. Grace Says:
  18. Hehe, what a story...

    Definitely cheating: switch it the other way around and imagine your wife in the same situation with a hot-ass male nurse.

    See? It is cheating :)

  19. Luka Says:
  20. Well, if she doesn't recall the incident, then it's not really cheating at all! Remember, it's only a crime if somebody sees you do it. ;)

  21. Getoffmylawn - Fun cheating indeed, but let's not bring grandmothers into this scenario. Ha. Things are already sideways enough without adding that to the mix.

    Anonymous Boxer - Thanks. It might be technicall cheating, but I don't think it warrants a CHEATING, do you? This seems like a minor crime. Ha.

    Grace - Do straight "hot-ass male nurse"(s) even exist? Ha. Let's keep things believable as this story clearly is.

    Luka - That's what I'm talking about . . . doesn't someone have to witness the crime? I think so, and at the end of the day, it's just a bath.

  22. Gypsy Says:
  23. Switch roles and then ask yourself the question but this was only hypothetical right?

  24. SymplyAmused Says:
  25. Haha! Nice try, still cheating!

  26. It probably is cheating, but I'd still probably do it. At least if the nurse was at hot as the one in the picture.

  27. Gypsy - I don't want to imagine it that way . . . Ha. Let's simply take the angle of trying to help someone in pain.

    Symplyamused - You are killing me with this inflexible (sp?) attitude. Ha. Oh well, it probably is cheating.

    NativeMinnow - Agreed. But I tend to doubt there's that many nurses walking around who like like that, and I strongly suspect she is not an affiliated nurse anyway.

  28. I'm sure some would call this cheating. My back is horrible (for which I take morphine on a daily basis) I have to admit in my drug addled state I just might say this is okay.

  29. Sweet Tea - Great to see you back around (pun intended - sorry). At least you would be an expert on this subject, so I appreciate the opinion as it seems like a grey area to me. Ha. But I do hope your back is at least on the mend.

  30. Thanks! It is nice to be semi-retired where nobody cares what I write about.


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