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Stinkin' Showers . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Thursday, September 06, 2007

Nearly every day of the week, I take a shower at my gym before work. I equate this ritual to one of life's necessary evils, and enjoy it roughly as much as taxes, taxidermy and ritual floggings.

This morning, however, I entered my individual shower and was immediately hit with a stench from the previous occupant that almost knocked me down with its awful olfactory power. It smelled like a decomposing warthog was in the shower beside me.


After taking a quick look around, my theory didn't hold up, which only made me more disgusted that some other human being smelled that badly. I sweat at the gym, but if you apply a few quick hits of deodorant before working out then you don't end up stinking like rotten cheese and old feet mixed together.

It's a common courtesy that somehow eluded this rank individual.

Matthew McConaughey is a famous example of someone who refuses to wear deodorant as he has claimed that he doesn't want anyone's scent on him but his own. The problem with this argument is that nobody who sweats for extended periods of time smells good naturally.


I tend to like McConaughey, but he's dead wrong here as I have a strong suspicion that he is no exception to this rule.

If you sweat, you stink. You stink less if you wear deodorant and if you subscribe to some "all-natural" odor doctrine, then kindly stay the hell out of my shower stall because your stench should not linger long after you're gone.

-BDS

17 comments

  1. JLee Says:
  2. "decomposing warthog" haha
    That's pretty damn bad. I had a similar experience in a shoe store yesterday. I smelled this horrible garlic/oniony sweaty smell and wondered where it originated. Some people left, then the employees said "whew, did you smell that??" Thank God it wasn't me...haha

     
  3. Tiara Girl Says:
  4. "Phhhhrrrrrrtttt !!!! " - There ya go - some "Essence of McConaughey" for ya, compliments of Tiara Girl.

     
  5. Hakuna Matata actually translates to warthog farts. Just thought you might like to know.

     
  6. Jlee - Ouch. I know what you mean though as this kind of thing happens everywhere with elevators being a commonplace for me. I always get out and hope nobody thinks its me when they get on. Ridiculous.

    Tiara Girl - That's very generous and probably smells close to Matt as he always seems to be exercising yet never wears deoderant.

    WhatIgot - Thanks. I did not know that, but enjoy picking up translations for future conversations. They come in very handy.

     
  7. Amen, Brother. Try being in a hot, un-conditioned boxing gym... EEEWOW. There is a woman who belongs to the "I don't wear it" club and I've actually asked NOT to be partnered with her.... I can't see the gloves with the tears in my eyes.

     
  8. Tiara Girl Says:
  9. Hey...did I just get called a Warthog ?!?

     
  10. Anonymous Boxer - I figured you would definitely be able to relate to this one, and that is just silly because in boxing you are obviously raising your arms quite a bit.

    Tiara Girl - Not by me. All is well.

     
  11. Wendy Says:
  12. I was volunteer Drama Mama for the afterschool drama club at my kid's middle school a couple of years ago. Believe me, there is nothing more disgusting than a roomful of sweaty, hormonal 13-year-old boys who are more interested in video games than hygiene.

     
  13. vivavavoom Says:
  14. ewwwwww....I absolutely agree. deodorant is a necessity. and there are some out there without aluminum that still work so no excuse to not apply away. Matthew Mc, even though a very nice man to look at...and probably smoke some pot with, probably smells like old gym shoes and thus a complete turn off! unless of course his sweat somehow smells sweet and if so he should hit the JLo bandwagon and package it.

     
  15. Miss Ash Says:
  16. Gym before work....good on you!!! I'm lucky if I find my way there anytime before 6pm.

    EWE and what about those "natural" crystal deoderant thingys. My neighbour had one...it didn't work.

     
  17. vivavavoom Says:
  18. and wendy- I know exactly that teenage boy hormonal smell. my nephews room when he turned 13 had this smell of clorox (guess why!) and old sweaty socks. ugh

     
  19. Stephanie Says:
  20. The story from Matt McConaughey on the subject:

    The actor, who was recently voted the World's Sexiest Man Alive in America's People magazine, admits he hasn't worn a scent or donned deodorant since he was 14-years-old. That's when he discovered his natural odor turned the ladies on.

    He says, "The women in my life, including my mother, have all said, 'Hey, your natural smell smells, one, like a man and, two, smells like you.'"

    But McConaughey insists his dislike for scents and deodorants doesn't render him unclean: "I bathe - hopefully it's in a river instead of a shower."

     
  21. Wendy - Good for you volunteering to go down with the ship so to speak as I vaguely remember having a conversation around that time w/ my mother about the virtues of wearing deoderant. Otherwise, it's a peculiar and disturbing scent in the air.

    Vivavavoom - I know he smokes a little, and I can appreciate that, however, his sweat smells no better than anyone else - no matter what he claims. I call bullshit. And don't bottle it.

    Miss Ash - I do it to miss the traffic, and also to have it out of the way as there's many more excuses the later the day gets. Besides, that and a little coffee wakes you up pretty well.

    Stephanie - Thanks for the background as I've heard/read parts of Matt's rationale before, however, I still don't buy that shit. He seems like a cool guy, and obviously he's attractive enough to do well with women but after he works out (which he seems to do for hours and hours if pics are to be believed) then he stinks. No two ways about it. But I like the quotes as I'm a bear for detail.

     
  22. vivavavoom Says:
  23. umm....why is Matthew Mc's mom telling him his scent 'smells like a man'....that is just wrong.

     
  24. Hahahahaha
    !

    The visual of you being knocked on your ass by a nasty stench! Naked! In a shower!!! HAHAHAHAH!

    Am I weird?

     
  25. Actually, my sweat naturally smells of fresh baking.

     
  26. Vivavavoom - That does seem a bit odd to me as well.

    Friday - I don't think that alone would qualify you as weird, however, if you provide further evidence then we can seriously consider it. Ha. Then again, who isn't a bit strange?

    Getoffmylawn - I knew someone would claim immunity. Ha. It's like the person who once claimed his farts smelled like roses. He was lying.

     

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