After dancing a spastic impromtu jig on 'SNL,' Ashlee Simpson caught a load of grief for her tape malfunction, an act which left her blaming everyone, every disease and every band member except for herself.
Who would have guessed that people would soon be begging Ashlee to put the tape back in the player after she delivered a spectacularly bad performance at halftime of the Orange Bowl. Her screeching, off-key, tone deaf, oblivious stage show earned her a chorus of boos from a crowd who was still cheering for OU even though they were losing by 3 touchdowns.
It didn't help matters that Ashlee was dressed like a pep squad member who got mugged by the goth girls on her way to practice some tumbling.
The priceless moment came when Ashlee just finished her song with a stomping, fist-pumping, banshee-yelling finale. She dropped her head and came back up with a smile on her face (no doubt thinking she had just nailed it) when the boos started. Her smile quickly faltered and was replaced by utter confusion until the reality of the situation sunk in completely.
Instead of being showered with praise, Ashlee was right in the middle of a shit storm and there was nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. The spectacle was like watching a train wreck, and it was at that moment that I began feeling a little bit sorry for the girl.
I had been harboring this guilty secret since that balmy halftime in Florida, but the notion quickly vanished once I discovered Ashlee had sold nearly 3 million copies of her CD (although if that's actually her singing on the disc I'll cut off my left hand and eat it).
It's just too hard to feel sorry for any millionaire under the age of 21.
-BDS
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