"All you need is scented candles, massage oil, and Barry White. Write that down. Look at me, no Cock Pump," - Ryan Reynolds, "Van Wilder"
"Van Wilder" was funnier than it had any right to be, and it certainly helped that they decided to cast Tara Reid as an investigative journalist known for her penetrating exposes about Darfur and other weighty topics. Personally, I don't buy it.
But I do buy the fact that it's Friday, so let's look at the hard stories of the week and expose challenging news items such as:
Paris Hilton has called it quits with Good Charlotte rocker Benji Madden with the split revolving around Madden's controlling ways that restricted the heiress, Star magazine reported.
“Paris was fed up with Benji always telling her what to do and bossing her around,” an insider told the mag. “She couldn’t take his overbearing ways anymore . . . She felt she couldn’t cut loose and party,” says the source. 
I'm actually with Hilton on this one because I thought her only job in the world was to party, and you can't deprive someone of their livelihood.
The BBC reported that Madonna and Guy Ritchie were scheduled to be granted a preliminary divorce decree today at the High Court in London. After six weeks and a day, the divorce would be made final.
According to the British press, Madonna, 50, and Ritchie, 40, reached a settlement over money and their kids Lourdes, 12, Rocco, 8, and David, 3. London's Evening Standard reports that Madonna will keep the bulk of her estimated $500 million fortune intact, though Ritchie was entitled by law to a share of it. 
Richie forfeited most of his monetary share when he chose to direct Madonna in the putrid film "Swept Away" and he was concerned it would be shown as evidence in the courtroom had he pressed his rights.
Suri Cruise topped the Forbes.com list of Hollywood's 10 Hottest Tots this week as the daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes shot past last years' winner Shiloh Jolie-Pitt.
The rankings are based on media coverage and popularity of the child's parents.
Public readership for the rankings are aimed towards people who have no life.
Michael Jackson was sued for $7 million this week by a Bahrain Sheik who has filed a breach-of-contract case against the troubled singer at London's Royal Courts of Justice.
In 2006, Jackson announced he would put out a new album for Khalifa's record label 2 Seas Records. Media reports say Khalifa is arguing that the promised work was never delivered.
Jackson is arguing that the Sheik never delivered on his promise that a playground be constructed in the recording studio, and that Jackson "couldn't work under these conditions."
A perfume company is claiming Prince and his music publisher failed to honor a contract to help market a fragrance named for the album "3121."
The breach-of-contract lawsuit was filed Monday by Revelations Perfume and Cosmetics Inc. in New York, and the company claims that it spent $2.5 million and agreed to pay Universal half of net profits from sales of the perfume.
Now, Revelations claims Universal and Prince haven't participated in various promotions since the fragrance launch in July 2007.
It was rumored that Prince became angry during negotiations, shouted to his handlers "Let's Go Crazy," then ran outside and jumped in his "Little Red Corvette" as "Purple Rain" pelted the Revelations executives who were understandably angry.
Heather Locklear was charged this week with misdemeanor driving under the influence of legally prescribed drugs, a charge which stemmed from her arrest two months ago in Santa Barbara County, a prosecutor said.
There was no alcohol and no illegal narcotics in her system, only prescription medications, said Santa Barbara County Deputy Dist. Atty. Lee Carter. 
Police offered no comment concerning the bottles of Horny Goat Weed located in the backseat.
People Magazine named Hugh Jackman its 'Sexiest Man of the Year' this week.
Jackman's wife of 12 years, Deborra-Lee Furness, calls his perfect form “the Body of Doom — but I like what's inside." 
"Me," she later added.
Winona Ryder's publicist says the actress was briefly hospitalized after falling ill on a flight to London's Heathrow Airport this week.
Publicist Mara Buxbaum says the 37-year-old was taken to a west London hospital as a precaution Wednesday but has been released and is fine. Buxbaum refused to go into details of Ryder's illness.
Reports that Ryder used the illness as an elaborate ploy to steal airline blankets was later proven to be inaccurate.
But let's not finish with health concerns, and instead, focus on a gold image (s):
I hope you enjoy these images as much as I do, remember that most things are sexier with black and white backdrops and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
Yes, Van Wilder was funnier than it should have been.
I love Prince's guitar. That thing is friggin' out there. Can't wait for the Guitar Hero knockoff. Okay, I can wait. I won't play Guitar Hero/Rock Band. Those games suck. But I love that guitar.
I didn't like Van Wilder.....I just remember that nasty dog scene ewe!
Loved the Prince bit and mmmmm I do love me some Prince! He's short and skinny, wears heals and is sexy as hell.
Happy Friday!
My word verification was shicate
reminds me of "shitcake"
Maybe I'm just over-analyzing as usual, but am I the only one who finds "10 Hottest Tots" a creepy title? And you're right about people having no life. When Suri Cruise got her hair cut, it was one of the most Googled searches of the week by parents who wanted their little angels to have the same 'do.
As far as Paris Hilton, I completely understand her reasoning, as it's hard as hell to be a WHORE when a pesky boyfriend is holding you back.
Guy Ritchie just wants AWAY from Madonna, and that's worth much more than money in my opinion.
I heard last night that Suri Cruise was voted one of the most "influential toddlers" in the world recently. This is completely understandable, as Heff looks up to anyone who shits their pants.
I hope Jacko wins his case, as once again, it's time to remodel the face ! "breach-of-contract" ? Oh, I thought you said "bleach on contact".
Revelations Perfume and Cosmetics has a great case, as Prince just STINKS.
Heather Locklear can O.D. on Heff ANYTIME.
I'm happy for Hugh Jackman. He's extremely lucky though, as Heff was much to busy this week to compete in the running.
I've got something Winona Ryder can steal, and I won't even prosecute.
And in closing, I do have a minor health concern, as my blood pressure just went south. Literally.
Have a good one, BDS !
WhatIgot - Agreed about 'Wilder' and Prince's guitar is pretty damn cool. I have completely missed the Guitar Hero/Rock Band phenomenon. I know what they are, but have no idea how to play it.
Miss Ash - That dog scene was pretty funny . . . gross, but funny ("It's so good, so warm." Ha.) And you do love you some Prince. That's OK. Ha. Happy Friday and let's hope that nobody gets a shitcake today.
Wendy - That was my thought too about that Tots story - creepy and disturbing, especially the title. Maybe it's just because I don't have any kids of my own. Ha.
Heff - I always appreciate the detail. Of course Hilton couldn't be expected to behave any other way, that's funny about Suri and your respect factor, completely agree about Locklear, that's very generous that you gave this year's title to Jackman and it's worth a medical condition to look at those pics in my opinion. Funny stuff today & have a hell of a good weekend.
I missed "Van Wilder" for some reason, but may have to check it out after all the comments. I am speechless after Heff's comments, ("Heff looks up to anyone who shits their pants" lol)but I will say I appreciate a little hint of man flesh in the final pic. Have a good weekend...
word verification: bobbed (like Suri's hair)
Yes I would agree with Wendy on the "hottest tots"- yikes!!
Also don't forget to get your free Dr. Pepper ( Sunday on their site you can get a free coupon for a 20 oz Dr. Pepper) Ha! They're probably kicking themselves on that deal!!
oh & Happy Friday!!
I've got nothing clever or witty to say (I rarely do), but I will say that I enjoy these quick hit Fridays immensely.
Jlee - Keep your expectations in check, but defniitely rent Van Wilder some lazy Sunday and you will laugh. How often is a matter of personal humor. Ha. And Heff was killing me today as well. Happy Friday to you.
Nobich - I saw that Dr. Pepper was going to honor the contract . . . very big of them & I plan to buy the album on Monday to listen to on the drive to Thanksgiving. Happy Friday back at you & enjoy it.
Native Minnow - If you were only going to say one thing, then that was it. Ha. Appreciate it as I enjoy rounding them up throughout the week. Have a good weekend in the desert.
I think I might have hit "Benji Madden" in the head with a hot charcoal briquette. Does he sound like a little girl when he's angry?
I love Prince like only a gal who grew up in the 80s can, but the very thought of a Prince fragrance makes me gag just a lil.
"Public readership for the rankings are aimed towards people who have no life."
Amen to that!
Today, I'm with Minnow... not much to say other than I do enjoy your Friday Rundowns and Van Wilder WAS a funny movie - but you know I love that kind of schnizz.
have a great weekend.
Troll - I bet that he does . . . and regardless, don't feel bad about the charcoal briquette assault. These things happen for a reason.
Franki - I like Prince just fine myself, but I'm with you on the smell as it just seems kind of wrong. I can't even imagine what it smells like even though I'd kind of like to know just out of curiosity. Ha.
A.B. - I simply found that whole story about the Tots distasteful, bizarre & kind of disturbing. Ha. As for Van Wilder, I almost quote Taj (Kal Penn) talking about waxing the porpoise and taking it to the cleaners (or something close to that), but it was too long. Funny, but too long. Have a great weekend out your way.
Good grief there is so much to talk about this week I don't know where to start.
I agree with everyone who has said that having a Top Ten Hottest Tots award is very creepy. No wonder celeb kids grow up so fucked up.
I always thought you had to be separated 12 months before you could even file for divorce. Why is it that celebs seem to have the Express option available to them?
Sexiest man of the Year to Hugh Jackman? I couldn't agree more with that verdict. I'm dying to see the new movie Australia.
I'm with JLee. Thanks for the token piece of man flesh in the last pic. Very sexy indeed.
Have a fab weekend B.
I watched Hugh Jackman change his clothes, on stage, in The Boy from Oz on Broadway. Third row balcony, I had an unobstructed view. I still smile at the memory ... *sigh* Oh yeah, Happy Friday!
Texas Tech ranked #2. Grrrherahahahhahahahahahahahaha.
Texas ranked in the top 40 after losing to Texas Tech. Grrrrherahahhahhahahahaha.
WEAK WEAK WEAK.
The SWC is, at best, at the level of the WAC.
First of all Paris Hilton is a joke!
I didn't know Madonna and Guy had 3kids... go figure
Let's not hate on Suri. She is just a fashion icon in the making. The paparazzi is just getting a head start on harassing her.
Does Michael Jackson even have 7 million dollars? hahaha
The first image was nice but she didn't need the boots. Just the thigh highs. But the second image was golden.
Romany Angel - I think this 12 month cycle must be native to Australia as I haven't heard of that before. Then again, I'm no expert in divorce, so . . . Ha. And you should review "Australia" when it comes out as I think it opens fairly soon (might already be out over there). I'm glad you approve of the final pic as I was trying there, and hope your weekend went well too.
Linda - I think he won a Tony for that show? Seems like it . . . Maybe you paid extra for your ticket. Ha. Happy Friday (belated) to you.
Anonymous - I think Texas is sitting at #2 with a bullet right now . . . And maybe Florida would move up if the Citadel was a real school. Oh well, Tech is still far better than LSU and I would match Texas up with Alabama no problem & OU could hang with the Gators too. No question about it.
TrinabeingTrina - I agree about Hilton (only question is whether she's in on the joke), I don't blame Suri (only the writer's for the story), there's no way Jackson has $70 dollars and I'm glad you liked the last pics (although I do think the boots were a nice touch but the stocking were a necessity).