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Quick Hit Early 4th Friday . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Thursday, July 03, 2008

"A guy told me one time, "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner." - Robert De Niro, "Heat"


Friday comes early this week because tomorrow is the 4th of July, and I'm off work and traveling to see family where the Internet does not roam. Luckily, there will be plenty of barbecue, fried chicken, strawberry shortcake and fireworks to take the sting away.

But before I brave the interstate to drive north out of Austin, let's look at the hard stories of the week such as:

Verne Troyer - Mini-Me from the "Austin Powers" franchise - temporarily stopped the distribution of a sex tape featuring him and a former girlfriend.

The court ruling prevents any attempt by a porn distributor from taking orders for the full 50-minute video, and keeps TMZ from broadcasting any clips. Troyer's suit also seeks $20 million in damages and the return of all copies of the tape.

The judge wrote that Troyer's motion "demonstrated that he will suffer irreparable harm to his reputation" if the tape is distributed.


The judge neglected to mention the "irreparable harm" that the public would suffer if these were viewed as well, but I bet it was implied in the verdict.

Angelina Jolie checked into a French Riviera hospital this week to await the birth of her twins.

Doctor Michel Sussmann says the 33-year-old actress is doing fine, and that the birth wasn't immediate, but rather it would happen "In the weeks to come."


When asked why Jolie must remain at the hospital, Sussmann replied "If you had Angelina Jolie in a bed, would you let her leave?"

Will Smith's soon-to-open private school - New Village Academy - is not a Scientology facility, as some reports have suggested, the academy's director said.

The school will use instructional methods developed by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard called study technology. A few teachers belong to the church, however, the director insists the facility has no religious affiliation.

"We are a secular school, and just like all nonreligious independent schools, faculty and staff do not promote their own religions at school or pass on the beliefs of their particular faith to children," New Village Academy director Jacqueline Olivier told the Los Angeles Times.


Courses to be offered include Scientology 101, Advanced Scientology, The Passion of L. Ron Hubbard, Creative Writing about Scientology, The films of Tom Cruise, and Physical Education.

Lindsay Lohan's father took a DNA test on Monday to find out if he's the father of a Montana teen as the first photos of his alleged 13-year-old daughter, Ashley, were made public.

"It was a swab, a paternity test," Michael Lohan told the New York Post. "If the test is found to be negative she's gonna be sued for libel and defamation," he told the Post.


If the test is positive, that poor girl should stay in Montana where Lohan might not ruin her ability to live a decent life.

Earlier this month, Jessica Simpson wore a shirt reading "Real Girls Eat Meat," which many people interpreted as a dig against her boyfriend, Tony Romo's former flame Carrie Underwood. This past week, Pamela Anderson ripped Simpson's wardrobe choice during a radio interview in Australia.

She says of Jessica, "I think she is a bitch and whore. Actually, I don't know if she was talking about food or men."



The only reasonable way to settle this dispute is Jell-o wrestling because that is a neutral surface for both vegetarians and carnivores.

As always, let's end with a bang and a gold image like:


I'll refrain from any pearl necklace jokes because they're too easy. So, take the road less traveled today, look up to the sky if you have the chance, enjoy the holiday tomorrow and . . . Happy Early Friday & Happy 4th of July!

-BDS

15 comments

  1. Being a Vegetarian I can tell you that maybe GIRLS eat meat, but WOMAN do whatever the F they want and shut up about it. I thought her 15 seconds were over? No? That's too bad.

    Personally, if I were Lindsey Lohan, I'd have a paternity test too.. hoping she could get her blood-sucking Father out of her life.

    Enjoy the long weekend 2$. I'm entertaining friends from Austin who are happy to be out of the heat wave.

    Go blow schnizz up! Woot!

     
  2. JLee Says:
  3. I have already suffered "irreparable harm" from even knowing Verne Troyer has a sex tape. I need a mind eraser.
    Enjoy yourself and don't blow up anything important!

     
  4. Miss Ash Says:
  5. There is something in jello that vegans won't eat silly....something to do with gelatin.

    As for that video BLEH I think every copy should be stomped on and burned.

    Happy 4th of July!

     
  6. nobich Says:
  7. Happy 4th

     
  8. Happy 4th. Safe driving.

     
  9. BostonPobble Says:
  10. IF ~ Goddess forbid ~ I should ever think I might have bred with a Lohan, I think I would keep my mouth shut and run as far as humanly possible. But maybe that's just me.

     
  11. The Troll Says:
  12. Anybody know who the Father of Jolie's impending twins is?

     
  13. Heat was a great movie.

    From what I hear from people who've seen the Troyer sex tape, nobody's gonna call him Mini-me anymore.

    I am seriously afraid of what sort of demonspawn Angelina Jolie may spew forth unto this world. But by birthing that demonseed in France, nobody will notice, as France is the birthplace of the most common Earthbound demons, otherwise known as the French.

    Regardless of whether or not teachers will be actively trying to indoctrinate children with Scientological theories, it is impossible for any teacher to seperate their own personal beliefs with their professional teachings all the time. Political and religious views pop out of the teachers whether they are trying to teach them or not. But, seriously, how many non-Scientologists are gonna send their kids to that school anyway?

    Generally, I don't want to agree with anything Jessica Simpson says because she's a celebrity and probably an idiot, but going up against Pam Anderson can't be wrong. Pam Anderson is nothing more than a carrier VD these days. Who cares about her opinions?

    Happy Friday and happy 4th of July!

     
  14. Heff Says:
  15. See what you can do about making that Jello thing happen !

    P.s. - Just a little help here - you can use the "post options" feature when creating your post, and tell it when to post in the future so your Friday post will actually appear on Friday. I use that feature whenever I feel I may be disabled from drinking, lol.

     
  16. vivavavoom Says:
  17. great last reasonign for the last shot!!

    Scientologists scare the xenu out of me!!! Will Smith is an idiot!

     
  18. Franki Says:
  19. There are so many disturbing things in this post...I'm just gonna go back to bed.

     
  20. Anonymous Boxer - I hope you show the Austin folks some cooler weather among other things. Ha. I completely agree about Lohan, and I hope you enjoyed your extended break as well. I did, but now I need a weekend from my long weekend.

    Jlee - I blew up nothing important & the gunpowder has already been washed off my hands, so things are good. I hope your 4th went well & if you didn't see any Internet clips of Troyer, then you're off to a great start. Ha.

    Miss Ash - I didn't realize that about Jell-o. You learn something new everyday, eh? Thanks & Happy 4th to you (and let's hope that the Troyer video never sees the light of day).

    Nobich - Happy 4th to you. Hope you enjoyed yours.

    Getoffmylawn - Thanks and glad to see you around these parts. Hope things are well.

    Bostonpobble - That would be me too. But if she is a Lohan, then keeping her mouth shut might be physically impossible despite never having anything interesting to say about any subject in the world. Ha.

    TheTroll - Brad Pitt keeps claiming responsibility, however, I'm sure a lot of guys around the world would do the same. Those guys are liars.

    WhatIgot - I appreciate the detail . . . Heat was a stellar film, I had not heard that about Verne but good for him, aren't you supposed to support Anderson because she's Canadian - ha - , and you're probably right about the school as the Scientology angle plus the price tag ($$$$$) will probably server as natural barriers for most people.

    Heff - No shit? That works? I had no idea as I might have to experiment with this in the future because I prefer a sense of accuracy, and drinking and traveling can impede that on occassion. Thanks & hope your 4th went well.

    Vivavavoom - I think Smith has simply been hanging around with Cruise too much, and I wanted to find a pic with a nude woman surrounded by fireworks but those were too hard to come by. Hope your holiday turned out nicely.

    Franki - Sometimes, that is the only reasonable option out there. Hopefully, when you wake up, things will look better. ha.

     
  21. I hope you've had a good holiday weekend.

    I wonder if Vern Troyer's realized the irreparable damage to his career he's done by being in movies such as Love Guru.

     
  22. H.Wood Says:
  23. I made the mistake of watching part of "One Night In Chyna" and I won't repeat it with fellow Surreal Lifer, Troyer. I won't completely ruin the surprise happy ending of Chyna's home movie, but it involves a joke being played on her boyfriend, Sean Waltmann... OK, here's the joke, Chyna is a man... or at least halfway there.

     
  24. Native MInnow - Thanks and I hope yours went well too as a long weekend is always good in my book. And "The Love Guru" looked terrible to me, so Troyer likely did himself no favors there either.

    H. Wood - You are a masochist my friend for watching Chyna's video. Ouch. Ha. And that is a terrible joke that I bet Sean didn't find too amusing.

     

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