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Bathing With The Drunken Viking . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, July 16, 2008

{This is the Twenty-first in a recurring series that will only happen when I have consumed far too many spirits with my brother. Last night, we celebrated another script revision with a few pitchers of Fat Tire were consumed which triggered strange thoughts, candid insights and pure horseshit. Selah.}

* Never grocery shop while drunk or stoned unless you want a bill that is double your normal rates.

* If you keep a skunk as a pet, you stink.

* By and large, email forwards are only marginally better than SPAM advertising black market viagra and penile enlargement serum.

* If you start dreaming about waterfalls or hot showers, then you're going to piss in your bed.

* Your porn collection should never exceed your book collection

* If you wear tiny, neon running shorts then you better be sprinting so fast that you don't hear me laughing at you

* A spoiler large enough to house a family of four only spoils the car beneath it.

* Never play cards with a man wearing an eye-patch.

* Raiding the hotel mini-bar by yourself will only leave you broke and ashamed in the morning.

* Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony. ~Robert Benchley



  1. Maddy Says:
  2. Duly noted and sound advice.

  3. I once saw one of those huge spoilers on a Chevy Corsica. I wanted to find the owner of it and say, "Dude, you drive a Chevy Corsica. There's no way you can make it look cool." I should know, I used to drive one too.

    Those spandex shorts were simply hilarious. The only people who should be wearing shorts like that are attractive females. I'm a firm believer in this.

  4. JLee Says:
  5. Those shorts are wrong on so many levels. haha
    That quote speaks to me! lol

  6. Maddy - Cheers back to you as I believe I used that expression a few times last night & I'm not even English. Ha.

    Native Minnow - I know what you mean. It seems that most gigantic spoilers can be found on Corsicas and the like and they are not only driven by teenagers. Teenagers I could at least understand the rationale. I think. Finally, agreed on the shorts statement - 100%.

    Jlee - They are wrong on every level. Ha. Have a good day.

  7. Heff Says:
  8. LMAO !!! I can't wait 'til one of these days when I read "This is the One thousand, three hundred and fifty-sixth in a recurring series...."

    As far as the Porn collection exceeding the book collection, I'm invoking my 5th Ammendment Rights...

  9. Mr. DNA Says:
  10. You're totally wrong on the shorts.
    When I wear mine, everyone comes up to me and wants to talk.

    I call them my "meeting new friends" shorts.

  11. Drunken Viking Time!!!

    Mr. DNA is cracking me up - you shouldn't have found a picture of those speedo shorts with such a nice arse.. you needed to find one that didn't fit them. Either way, that Dude is wayyyy too serious about his running time.

    And I'm with you on the mini bar. Uff-dah. Do you have any idea how expensive those cashews are? Stoned/Drunk it all looks FREE.


  12. Heff - I think before that post there will be a medical post concerning my pickled liver. Ha. Let's hope not, eh? And maybe you should pick up some books at Half-Price (maybe they have those your way?) just to keep the balance in tune.

    Mr. DNA - I'm sure you have enough friends as it stand, right? Ha. I understand wearing shorts that aren't baggy as hell and trail past your knees, but I think there's a balance between those and the ass-huggers pictured here. But then again, there's something to be said for social shorts I guess.

  13. Anonymous Boxer - I missed you in Cyberspace. Mr. DNA does make a reasonable point. Ha. And that's exactly how they get you at the hotels as I imagine that nobody who isn't drunk or stoned would pay $13 for a jar of cashews. I know I damn sure wouldn't.

  14. Gypsy Says:
  15. Shorts? Bad. Ass in Shorts? Pinchable.

    If I'm playing cards with a man with an eye patch and sit on the right side of him, he can't peek at my cards. Isn't that a good thing? I just know I've missed the point...I have haven't I? It's 4.15am...only 2.5 brain cells are awake with me :)

  16. Anonymous Says:
  17. In regards to the hotel mini-bar: its 6am and the hangover is setting in. Bars can't serve until at least noon. Six hours and no where to get booze. What do you do? You raid the minibar.

  18. Gypsy - That's exactly what they eye-patch guy WANTS you to think. Ha. He might not even need the patch or he might be so good that it doesn't matter, but he will take your money. Consider yourself warned.

    WhatIgot - That's the only situation where it might be reasonable. But if you're in Vegas than the booze thing is no problem, so there's no excuse there. I might also just try to pass out to save on money if I was being really cheap.

  19. Miss Ash Says:
  20. I was always told not to grocery shop while I was hungry....

  21. vivavavoom Says:
  22. hee hee

    #1 is absolutely true!!! and don't go shopping at one of those mega walgreens or Rite will leave with so much stuff that looked so amazing and necessary the night before!

  23. Miss Ash - Me too. I would add drunk/stoned to that list as well, especially the latter. Ha.

    Vivavavoom - That's a good amendment to that rule as those Walgreens have a little of everything. Ha. "Amazing and necessary" is a spot-on description as well. Unfortunately, that usually fades when the buzz wears off.


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