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Corporate Etiquette 109 . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, July 23, 2008

{The workplace is a jungle filled with jackals, wineheads and bosses with mouths like a crocodile. There are also decent people, but I'm starting to question the percentages. This is the ninth in a series of corporate encounters which offer no easy resolutions.}

After returning from lunch yesterday, I decided to utilize a back company entrance that was usually empty and quiet since the re-location of the previous business unit to another section of the building. Now, it housed company meetings and yoga and an occasional weirdo from the IT department who always looked guilty when I stumbled upon him.

But this time it was different. I entered my code in the keypad, was granted access and then once I rounded the corner found myself staring into the demented eyes of my CEO - who was also swinging nunchucks and grunting like a diseased rhinoceros.

I was not prepared for this confrontation. I recall vividly that I was spacing out and pondering the relative merits of Megan Fox when my world spun violently backwards and I had to say something in the face of a situation so bizarre that it demanded to be noticed.

"Sorry. I didn't realize you trained back here."

"I don't. I'm preparing for something big."

"What's that?"

(Savagely swinging the nunchucks back and forth)

"I'm testing for my fourth degree black belt next week."

"Wow. You've got me beat - I only have two black belts and one of them has a broken buckle."

This poor attempt at humor fell flat as the grunting and swinging continued in earnest.

"Good luck."

I walked quickly out of the area and made it safely to my office where I made a mental note to abstain from using that entrance for a long while. I plan to demand a raise later this year, however, there is no way to lay that groundwork when a man is working out his aggression in private.



  1. Gypsy Says:
  2. Hmmmm...I think I would wait until after he's completed his 4th degree black belt and has dispensed with the numchucks before bringing up something as delicate as a raise.

    I love Corporate Etiquette almost as much as QHF.

  3. Heff Says:
  4. No Pain, NO GAIN. Ask him for the raise NOW. I'll expect photos of a bruised and broken BDS on Friday, lol !

  5. JLee Says:
  6. I just get some imagery of the weird Dr. Rey guy from Dr. 90210. *shudder*

  7. Gypsy - Yeah, maybe I'll catch him in a celebratory mood if he passes & ride that wave to more cash. And personally, I enjoy QHF more as a general rule. Ha.

    Heff - It doesn't seem like a fair match as he's got a weapon and my hands were empty. But I consider it an insult that you would assume I would be the one bruised & broken you bastard. Ha. Black belts are overrated in my book.

    Jlee - That guy is just a joke. But if I saw him back there, then my story would have been far better. Ha.

  8. Despite the occasional shadow boxing in my office, I keep all of the personal schnizz out of the line of fire of employees, vendors, customers and biz partner.

    Is this the same dude you met up with in the men's room? If so, the guy likes to grunt everywhere, doesn't he?

    P.S. Go for the raise.

  9. Can't... comment... laughing... too... hard... at... greatest... joke... EVER!

  10. Anonymous Boxer - I should have thought about your potential shadow boxing at the office . . . But I don't find that nearly as odd for whatever reason as the nunchucks made me feel. It's a different animal (so to speak). And yes, this is the same men's room guy, so I guess there is just no good place to encounter him. Ha.

    WhatIgot - Sarcastic or not, I wish I would have received a chuckle, laugh or guffaw from him too. Ha. Next time, eh?

  11. If you were training for a decathlon in the back stairs during work hours, what would be your penance according to your CEO's policy? Not to mention bringing illegal weapons to work. Watch this guy. He sounds like the type who may snap.

  12. H.Wood Says:
  13. Did the nunchucks not fit in his locker any more?

  14. Mmmmmm. Megan Fox.

    It could've been worse. You could've walked in on him wearing one of those leather zipper masks or a ball gag.

  15. Getoffmylawn - I know. That's just another reason to be at the top of the food chain and above the law, I guess. Ha. Maybe you should start doing something like this at your school to intimidate your staff.

    H. Wood - He's probably got another dozen pairs in the locker for back-up. Ha. I don't want to know either way.

    Native Minnow - Fox is about the best-looking actress working today in my humble opinion. And yes, at least he wasn't dressed up as the Gimp or something.

  16. Odd...I don't think there is anything you can say when you see something like this. It is best to just walk on and hope the memory fades quickly.

  17. Miss Ash Says:
  18. You should have taken his nunchucks and showed him a thing or two haha!! I doubt he would have found that funny though...

  19. grace Says:
  20. Hahaha, broken buckle... you're hilarious! How could he not have been impressed with that line?

  21. Sweet Tea Addiction - Great to see you around, and yes, that's the only conclusion I came to as well. Ha. Sometimes, you just have to hope the memory fades.

    Miss Ash - I hope you commented on this post from work. Ha. And honestly, I'm a bit scared of the guy as you can't trust a man who grunts like that alone.

    Grace - Some people, especially those wielding nunchucks, just have no sense of humor. Ha.


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