"Thanks for coming, please stay for the end credits, if you're wondering who the best boy is, it's somebody's nephew, um, don't forget to validate your parking, and to all you good people in the Midwest, sorry we said fuck so much." - Val Kilmer, "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang"
Fuck is a good word to use judiciously, although rarely if ever, at work. I don't plan to use it at all today, and instead, will focus on wrapping things up for the week and leaving early. Why not? But before that happens, let's examine the tough stories this week like:
Angelina Jolie has yet to confirm reports she is pregnant, however, you'd be a fool to think otherwise after the actress displayed her growing belly in a black dress at the recent Screen Actor's Guild Awards show.
The couple's spokeswoman, Cindy Guagenti, offers a firm "no comment" on the rumors.
On the other hand, Brad Pitt was heard exclaiming that "you're damn right I impregnated Jolie and I will do it again and again and again. Wouldn't you?" I tend to agree.
Sean Penn, who recently split from wife Robin Wright-Penn, stayed very close to model Petra Nemcova at Elton John's AIDS Foundation screening party during Oscar weekend. The model told People.com that she met Penn through altruism.
"Yes, we are friends," Petra said. "He is on the advisory board of my charity." 
Penn is one lucky dog to make it through the screening process for the Board because my application - which included a full-frontal shot tastefully set against the backdrop of a bearskin rug - was soundly rejected.
Speaking of marriage issues, Valerie Bertinelli says despite her girl-next-door image, her marriage to Eddie Van Halen was hurt by infidelity and drug use — by her, too.
"I wasn't an angel, either. I cheated, too," Bertinelli said on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" broadcast Monday. "He claims to this day that I cheated first, but I don't know. I don't know about the timing."
Bertinelli may have cheated first, but I'd wager serious money that Eddie Van Halen cheated much better considering his status as a rock star guitar god.
Expectant mother Jamie Lynn Spears has passed her GED and is looking forward to college, reported People.com this week. The younger Spears, 16, is said to have taken her high school equivalency exam about a month ago -- scoring well on reading comprehension.
Her next mission will be to teach Britney how to read, a service which Britney will pay back to Jamie Lynn by giving her parenting lessons. It's a vicious cycle.
Naomi Campbell was hospitalized in Sao Paulo this week and is being treated by one of Brazil's top specialists in infectious disease, the hospital's press office said Tuesday.
"Naomi Campbell was admitted to hospital ... to have a small cyst removed," her publicist, Jeff Raymond, said in a statement. "Following the successful procedure, she is now resting and is looking forward to getting back to work. She would like to thank the doctors who have kindly looked after her."
Calls to Campbell's room to wish her a speedy recovery could not be connected because staffers took out her phone due to the model's long history of throwing them at people who work for/on her.
Pop star Michael Jackson could lose his Neverland ranch if he fails to pay nearly $25million that he owes on the sprawling California property. The Ranch is scheduled to go to auction on March 19th if this amount is not paid, a Santa Barbara official told the BBC.
The reclusive singer has not lived at the property since his acquittal on child molestation charges in 2005. 
In a brochure for the foreclosure sale, the house is described as "sprawling, yet discreet with lots of room for children to run and run and run" - if they're lucky.
But let's not end with any nasty business today, and instead, we'll go with this: 
Here's a nod to those readers requesting a guy to crop up in these parting shots, so here is an olive branch extended as well as a display of art that I can certainly get behind (pun intended).
With that in mind, remember that art is very much subjective, the human form should be religiously studied and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
Oh very amusing. It's ok though because I love a man in a suit so I'll take it. Might of been nice to see his face but....whatever. Thankyou for making that little concession :)
Just one more thing, do you think Valerie Bertinelli and Eddie look alike? I always thought they could easily pass for brother and sister which is a little bit creepy.
Who did Valerie cheat on Eddie with? Alex, Michael, David... Please tell me it wasn't Sammy or Gary.
Valerie Bertinelli wasn't an angel ?!? Damn, now I've got to re-think all those childhood fantasies I had about deflowering her.
Gypsy - I give. I'm a giver. Ha. As for Van Halen/Valerie, they do look alike, and I always thought they were an odd couple. But any brother/sister vibe is a bit creepy.
WhatIgot - I'd say the worst was Gary Cherone, which is probably why she won't admit a thing. I wouldn't either.
Heff - Maybe she cheated on Eddie w/ the leader of Butlik, eh? Why not? That might be a good story to stick with. Start the rumor today.
A man can dream....
I loved Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.
And I'm glad to see that Ms. Jolie's arms look like they've eaten a sandwich.
Word Veri: pftqdkxg (sweet haysus)
Naw Jolie isn't pregnant. She just ate a peanut for breakfast is all.
Heff - There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all.
Franki - Me too. I own it on DVD, and just watched it again this week, which was where the quote came from. And yes, Jolie is already looking much better with some weight on her.
Upset Waittress - That's a good theory, and I'm going to watch her like a hawk to see if she passes the nut.
Just checking in 2$
Happy Friday!!
Wow! What coincidences! Valerie Bertinelli went to my high school, Naomi is my Hebrew name, I live a few hours drive from Neverland Ranch and that last picture is me from my stint as a nude model! (OK, I'm lying about one thing. Guess which one?)
Was that small cyst removed from N.Campbell, actually her brain?
Just wondering.
and.... look at you getting all arty for the end 'shot' of the week.
(Wendy is cracking me up today, too.)
Nobich - I kidd you not, I was actually just thinking this morning that I wondered if you were on a leave of absence again for Cyberspace. So, I'll take credit for the pop-in. Ha. Happy Friday.
Wendy - This is pretty damn funny, and seriously, what are the odds? I'm not sure, but I'll lay $20 on the Neverland Ranch one being false. And I like the name Naomi.
Anonymous Boxer - Right with you on Wendy's comment, but yr. brain theory might be accurate as she's still there from what I can tell. I'm just not sure about the relative sizes of the cyst/brain ratio. Finally, I was pretty proud of myself for digging out the art shot this week, which likely means next week will just be gutter filthy. Ha.
I've got nothing haha!!
Thanks for the olive branch...perhaps some skin next time you tease
Happy Friday!
nice to be missed
Thanks
Miss Ash - Nothing. That sounds lazy, eh? Or maybe it was so exceptional today that it couldn't be commented on? Ha. And there was plenty of skin on display.
Nobich - Of course. So don't stay gone so long next time.
One of my favorite things about Kiss Kiss Bang Bang was the way the audience was acknowledged, good choice. Did we really need to know all that about Valerie? A man in the final photo, woo hoo! Happy Friday!!
I always wondered how someone with a billion dollars could lose it as fast as Michael can. 25 mil or he loses the ranch? I guess it doesn't help that he's had to pay off so many law suits and that... well, he's a little out of touch with reality.
Angelina better be pregnant with that belly sticking out like that.
Sean Penn....love him
I'm very disturbed at the image of a full frontal shot of you against a bear skin backdrop. That is too much for me to handle. hahaha
Jamie and Brittany.... A Hot Azz
Mess...need I say more?!?!
Hahaha at Naomi Campbell throwing the phone at the staff. I love it!
And last but definiely not least... Michael Jackson is just an embarrasment to black people everywhere....sorry but I had to got there!
Linda - Glad I could help out with the final photo, I agree about Kiss Kiss as it was a fun plot device and I didn't need to know that about Valerie - but maybe that's just me. Happy Friday.
Getoffmylawn - I know. It's always staggering to me when somebody makes tens of millions of dollars and then loses a house, declares bankruptcy, etc. Staggering. I'd always like see the financial records, but then again, as you noted, Jackson is not exactly in touch with what most of us consider to be reality.
Trina - You've never seen the pic, but let me assure you, it was very well-done. Ha. I bet Jolie is pregnant, I also like Sean Penn, I hear that Campbell might be released now and is Jackson considered one race anymore? He's so weird that I barely consider him to be human.
man, in that pic, Brad Pitt looks like a younger Robert Redford. Although I cant remember Redford ever wearing zebra-skin pants.
thanks for the updates. I have been out of commission and needed the friday rundown. since when is a smalll cyst an infectious disease issue. sounds (detox)shady to me.
What is up with Brad Pitt's pants? Seriously, that's why I'd never make it as a celebrity. I wouldn't be "fashionable" enough. That said, if wearing zebra pants gets you the likes of Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston, I'm going to run out and buy twelve pair.
lol @ Gypsys comment. I totally think Eddie and Valerie could pass as sister and brother. I never thought about that before until reading her post. lol
Idig - You're dead right on accounts, and I never even noticed the pants until you mentioned them. Now, I can't stop asking why?
Vivavavoom - Glad to help a little bit. I know what you mean about the cyst story, and I'm just waiting for the real truth to leak. We'll see. Finally, hope you're back in commission now.
Native Minnow - I know. Those pants are brutal for anybody else on Earth who isn't Brad Pitt. And they still look fairly ridiculous on him. Then again, as you noted, how do you argue with his scoring average? You don't.
JessJor01 - It is uncanny, however, I doubt that was the entire reason behind their break-up. Then again, if I looked that much like my wife, things might get weird too.