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Bathing With The Drunken Viking . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, February 27, 2008

{This is the seventeenth in a recurring series that will only happen when I have consumed far too many spirits with my brother. Last night, more than a few bottles of Red Stripe were consumed which triggered strange thoughts, candid insights and pure horseshit. Selah.}

* The only certainty in driving is that you'll make every green light when you're in no particular hurry, and miss them all when you're late for a movie.

* Nobody else on Earth tans quite as well as rich girls.

* Dogs only fart about 1 time for every 27 instances that they are blamed for by their owners.

* Riding a mechanical bull is always better in theory than in reality

* Nobody in America has a girlfriend in the Niagara Falls area, and don't believe any stories that tell you otherwise.

* Never trim your pubic hair while drunk

* No man looks anything other than ridiculous in a Bolo Tie.

* Sex on the Beach - neither the drink nor the act - works out particularly well

* Pussyfoot is a phenomenal word that is far underutilized these days

* I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it. ~Raymond Chandler



  1. Anonymous Says:
  2. Rich girls tan better because they sneak off to tanning salons to even things out and get that all over tan in a private room. Well, at least up here in the permafrost. I can't speak for rich girls down there in Texas.

  3. Heff Says:
  4. Ahhh, one of my favorite BDS features ! Red Stripe, huh ? Damn, someone was desperate for a buzz !

    P.S. "Pussyfoot" is making a comeback. One Butlik song, comin' right up !

  5. WhatIgot - I can believe that tanning salon/private room reason without a doubt. The same thing happens in TX, altough there is a lot of sun to soak up as well. I can't speak for how they do it in California. I can only imagine.

    Heff - I like Red Stripe in the summer, mainly because I like the shape of the bottles. Ridiculous, I know. And that is great news about Pussyfootin. It's making a comeback.

  6. cats Says:
  7. a. pussy is by far my favorite curse word.
    and 2. thanks for the advice about pubic hair...

  8. Miss Ash Says:
  9. I'll let you now about the mechanical bull as riding one is on my goal list ;)

    Girls in the Niagara Falls area probably won't date Americans with good reason ;)

  10. Cats - It's a great curse word for men or women. Agreed. And you'll thank me later for that other tip. Believe me.

    Miss Ash - That's right as I hope yr. list is still being crossed off weekly. As for the Niagra Falls girls, I've heard they're snobbish anyway. Ha. Or maybe I read it somewhere.

  11. BostonPobble Says:
  12. "Never trim your public hair while drunk"

    You okay out there $$?

  13. Mr. DNA Says:
  14. Dagnabbit! I forgot about pussyfoot.

  15. Bostonpobble - That's way in the past Pobble. I really don't like to discuss it. Ha.

    Mr. DNA - Never forgot about pussyfoot. That's just good advice for any situation.

  16. Gypsy Says:
  17. Oh I do love that Viking pic....

    I've never had sex on the beach in liquid form but I can assure the other is definitely not a good idea. Sand in various crevices can be a harsh exfoliant especially in more...ahem...sensitive areas. And now that I have revealed far more than intended or asked for I will be on my way.

    Ps I say "stop pussyfootin around" all the time.

  18. vivavavoom Says:
  19. pussy is a word that gets a bad rap. its many uses are endless and fitting. puns intended.

    the light thing is absolutely true!

  20. Gypsy - I love that you're keeping Pussyfooting alive. Keep it up. Ha. And it's the sand that is the main problem in the Beach scenario - no question about it.

    Vivavavoom - I wish the light thing wasn't true, but it happens all the time. As for puns, I love them all, especially the ones involving that word. Ha.

  21. weirdly, I've taken the word Pussyfoot to a new level today.....

    I hope the Drunken Viking had some fun getting himself into Viking Trouble.

  22. How did you come up with that statistic about the dog farts?

    Never mind, you were high on Jamaican beer. Happy headache BDS :)

  23. Anonymous Boxer - Always on the fun and trouble. As for taking pussyfooting to a whole new level - I wish there was a story or blog post to go along with that one. But congratulations as I wish more people were on that level.

    FartingDog - I would think, given your handle, that you would welcome my statistic which might stop some of the relentless scapegoating of your pals. Maybe not. I can't remember what scientific journal I read that stat inside, but I will document with footnotes next time. Ha.

  24. First I want to say this is a great post, because it has some great points.

    The green light theory is definitely the truth. Whenever I have to be somewhere and I'm running late, i always catch every red light.

    You are also so right about the tanning situation. I know plenty of women who go tanning but instead of looking darker they just look redder. Go figure.

    My dog has a very distict smelling fart. Everyone in the house knows when it's her and when it's not.

    I would only ride a mechanical bull if I was drunk out of my mind.

    I would have never known what a bolo tie was if you would not have had a picture of it and I definitely agree that it is quite ridiculous

    I have to agree and disagree with sex on the beach. I have done it twice and it has been both exhilirating and annoying at the same time.

    I had an aunt that uses the word pussyfooting. I have always thought it was such a cool word to use.

  25. Pussyfoot is a great word. I'm going to have to start using it.

    Another good one to bring back: Gallavanting around.

  26. Grace Says:
  27. I love these posts. I gotta say, you think quite clearly when you're drunk... your mind comes up with the greatest thoughts. I'm slightly jealous.

  28. Trina - I appreciate that in-depth analysis, I do. To respond: your lucky your dog is so distinctive, I like yr. aunt without ever having met her for that word use, thanks for further validating the tanning situation, the red light thing just sucks and I wish it were different and finally, the sex on the beach is a rush, however, it's the sand that's the real problem.

    Native Minnow - Great. Keep pussyfooting alive. And gallavanting is another excellent word. I use it occasionally, but now, you reminded me that I need to use it more often.

    Grace - Sometimes, the booze clears the head. Other times, it can do the opposite. Hopefully, I'll keep on the first path, and you might experiment to see if this works for you. I make no promises. Ha.

  29. Graziella Says:
  30. Depends on how you do it, I've had some very good Sex on the Beach. I must agree to no trimming pubic hair while drunk.

  31. Graziella - There is no middle ground on the trimming. As for the Beach, if there's a lounge chair around, then I would say it can be good - otherwise too much sand in too many sensitive areas. Standing is also an option. Ha.


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