Followers

Blog Archive

Bathing With The Drunken Viking . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, February 27, 2008

{This is the seventeenth in a recurring series that will only happen when I have consumed far too many spirits with my brother. Last night, more than a few bottles of Red Stripe were consumed which triggered strange thoughts, candid insights and pure horseshit. Selah.}



* The only certainty in driving is that you'll make every green light when you're in no particular hurry, and miss them all when you're late for a movie.


* Nobody else on Earth tans quite as well as rich girls.


* Dogs only fart about 1 time for every 27 instances that they are blamed for by their owners.

* Riding a mechanical bull is always better in theory than in reality

* Nobody in America has a girlfriend in the Niagara Falls area, and don't believe any stories that tell you otherwise.


* Never trim your pubic hair while drunk

* No man looks anything other than ridiculous in a Bolo Tie.


* Sex on the Beach - neither the drink nor the act - works out particularly well

* Pussyfoot is a phenomenal word that is far underutilized these days

* I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it. ~Raymond Chandler

-BDS

20 comments

  1. Anonymous Says:
  2. Rich girls tan better because they sneak off to tanning salons to even things out and get that all over tan in a private room. Well, at least up here in the permafrost. I can't speak for rich girls down there in Texas.

     
  3. Heff Says:
  4. Ahhh, one of my favorite BDS features ! Red Stripe, huh ? Damn, someone was desperate for a buzz !

    P.S. "Pussyfoot" is making a comeback. One Butlik song, comin' right up !

     
  5. WhatIgot - I can believe that tanning salon/private room reason without a doubt. The same thing happens in TX, altough there is a lot of sun to soak up as well. I can't speak for how they do it in California. I can only imagine.

    Heff - I like Red Stripe in the summer, mainly because I like the shape of the bottles. Ridiculous, I know. And that is great news about Pussyfootin. It's making a comeback.

     
  6. Miss Ash Says:
  7. I'll let you now about the mechanical bull as riding one is on my goal list ;)

    Girls in the Niagara Falls area probably won't date Americans with good reason ;)

     
  8. Cats - It's a great curse word for men or women. Agreed. And you'll thank me later for that other tip. Believe me.

    Miss Ash - That's right as I hope yr. list is still being crossed off weekly. As for the Niagra Falls girls, I've heard they're snobbish anyway. Ha. Or maybe I read it somewhere.

     
  9. BostonPobble Says:
  10. "Never trim your public hair while drunk"


    You okay out there $$?

     
  11. Mr. DNA Says:
  12. Dagnabbit! I forgot about pussyfoot.

     
  13. Bostonpobble - That's way in the past Pobble. I really don't like to discuss it. Ha.

    Mr. DNA - Never forgot about pussyfoot. That's just good advice for any situation.

     
  14. Karen Says:
  15. Oh I do love that Viking pic....

    I've never had sex on the beach in liquid form but I can assure the other is definitely not a good idea. Sand in various crevices can be a harsh exfoliant especially in more...ahem...sensitive areas. And now that I have revealed far more than intended or asked for I will be on my way.


    Ps I say "stop pussyfootin around" all the time.

     
  16. vivavavoom Says:
  17. pussy is a word that gets a bad rap. its many uses are endless and fitting. puns intended.

    the light thing is absolutely true!

     
  18. Gypsy - I love that you're keeping Pussyfooting alive. Keep it up. Ha. And it's the sand that is the main problem in the Beach scenario - no question about it.

    Vivavavoom - I wish the light thing wasn't true, but it happens all the time. As for puns, I love them all, especially the ones involving that word. Ha.

     
  19. Jenny Says:
  20. weirdly, I've taken the word Pussyfoot to a new level today.....

    I hope the Drunken Viking had some fun getting himself into Viking Trouble.

     
  21. Anonymous Says:
  22. How did you come up with that statistic about the dog farts?

    Never mind, you were high on Jamaican beer. Happy headache BDS :)

     
  23. Anonymous Boxer - Always on the fun and trouble. As for taking pussyfooting to a whole new level - I wish there was a story or blog post to go along with that one. But congratulations as I wish more people were on that level.

    FartingDog - I would think, given your handle, that you would welcome my statistic which might stop some of the relentless scapegoating of your pals. Maybe not. I can't remember what scientific journal I read that stat inside, but I will document with footnotes next time. Ha.

     
  24. First I want to say this is a great post, because it has some great points.

    The green light theory is definitely the truth. Whenever I have to be somewhere and I'm running late, i always catch every red light.

    You are also so right about the tanning situation. I know plenty of women who go tanning but instead of looking darker they just look redder. Go figure.

    My dog has a very distict smelling fart. Everyone in the house knows when it's her and when it's not.

    I would only ride a mechanical bull if I was drunk out of my mind.

    I would have never known what a bolo tie was if you would not have had a picture of it and I definitely agree that it is quite ridiculous

    I have to agree and disagree with sex on the beach. I have done it twice and it has been both exhilirating and annoying at the same time.

    I had an aunt that uses the word pussyfooting. I have always thought it was such a cool word to use.

     
  25. Pussyfoot is a great word. I'm going to have to start using it.

    Another good one to bring back: Gallavanting around.

     
  26. Grace Says:
  27. I love these posts. I gotta say, you think quite clearly when you're drunk... your mind comes up with the greatest thoughts. I'm slightly jealous.

     
  28. Trina - I appreciate that in-depth analysis, I do. To respond: your lucky your dog is so distinctive, I like yr. aunt without ever having met her for that word use, thanks for further validating the tanning situation, the red light thing just sucks and I wish it were different and finally, the sex on the beach is a rush, however, it's the sand that's the real problem.

    Native Minnow - Great. Keep pussyfooting alive. And gallavanting is another excellent word. I use it occasionally, but now, you reminded me that I need to use it more often.

    Grace - Sometimes, the booze clears the head. Other times, it can do the opposite. Hopefully, I'll keep on the first path, and you might experiment to see if this works for you. I make no promises. Ha.

     
  29. Graziella Says:
  30. Depends on how you do it, I've had some very good Sex on the Beach. I must agree to no trimming pubic hair while drunk.

     
  31. Graziella - There is no middle ground on the trimming. As for the Beach, if there's a lounge chair around, then I would say it can be good - otherwise too much sand in too many sensitive areas. Standing is also an option. Ha.

     

About Me


Contact Us

You can reach us by email at twodollarproductions@live.com