"What are these fuckin' iguanas doing on my coffee table." - Nic Cage, 'Bad Lieutenant 2 - Port of Call New Orleans'
That was one gonzo performance by Cage, and a bizarrely entertaining and quirky movie that I would recommend heartily to anyone - Just don't expect too much and drink a little and it will all make sense.
That's really a philosophy I wish I could carry over to work, but I'm up to my ears in process, products and general chaos right now and I hope to be out the door by 5 p.m. Selah.
Before that can happen, however, let's look at the hard stories of the week such as:
Sandra Bullock told People magazine this week that she has filed for divorce from Jesse James, and also revealed that she and James had adopted a baby boy back in January.
The baby, whose name is Louis Bardo Bullock, was born in New Orleans. Bullock said that she plans to raise the 3 1/2-month old child as a single mother. 
As Bullock stated: "Jesse can continue to raise the Nazi flag and I'll raise the child. Everyone wins."
In other baby news, Matt Damon and his wife, Luciana, confirmed that she is pregnant with the couple’s third child.
`Everyone is excited,'' Damon's rep says.
Except for Ben Affleck, who only has two children with Jennifer Garner, and considers this just another case of Damon showing him up.
It’s been hard to keep up the Bret Michaels affair, but in the past five days, he was rushed to the hospital after suffering a brain hemorrhage, underwent tests while remaining in critical but stable condition and found out he had a side effect that could lead to seizures.
His rep says he has not had any seizures. 
I generally feel bad for Michaels, and so I’ll refrain from any bandana being too tight cause and effect jokes, and instead, wish him a speedy recovery so he’ll be having Nothing But a Good Time once again.
In worthless Lindsay Lohan news, the troubled starlet feuded with her Dad this week, was accused of throwing a glass at ex-girlfriend Sam Ronson and then caused controversy after posting a picture Wednesday on Twitter which showed her with a gun in her mouth.
The image was taken Tuesday night by photographer Tyler Shields. Shields will feature a few photos of LiLo in his new book, "The Dirty Side of Glamor."
“The Dirty Side of Glamour” will also be the title of the porno film that Lohan will inevitably shoot once her career completely implodes.
In other porn world news, Jenna Jameson and her boyfriend, mixed martial arts fighter Tito Ortiz, traded accusations this week one day after he was arrested for an alleged domestic violence attack against her.
Ortiz was arrested Monday at the home he shares with Jameson and their twin sons. Later that day, Ortiz and his attorney accused Jameson of drug addiction and claimed Ortiz never struck her.
"Jenna has been fighting a battle with OxyContin addiction for the past year. For Tito and her family this has been an uphill battle. Unfortunately this morning she had a relapse," Ortiz attorney Chip Matthews said. "Tito was trying to help her, she has threatened suicide before. Tito has done everything in his power to protect her privacy and the privacy of their children."
Ortiz apparently feels that beating the addiction out of someone is the only reasonable cure for addiction, a treatment he'll be able to discuss with the other abusers in jail.
Playboy magazine founder Hugh Hefner donated the last $900,000 sought by a conservation group for a land purchase needed to save the famed Hollywood sign from being spoiled by development.
"My childhood dreams and fantasies came from the movies, and the images created in Hollywood had a major influence on my life and Playboy," Hefner said in a statement. "As I've said before, the Hollywood sign is Hollywood's Eiffel Tower and I'm pleased to help preserve such an important cultural landmark."
He later added: "we both share a passion for 'Wood' so I could't let it go without a fight."
Jason Alexander, who played George Costanza in "Seinfeld," hit a teenage bicyclist Tuesday in California, police officials said.
The collision was reported at Wilshire Boulevard and June Street, and the 14-year-old boy was on his way to middle school when he was struck. He was taken to a hospital in stable condition.
Los Angeles police took an accident report and are investigating the incident, but Alexander was not cited.
Just to be safe, however, Alexander has been staying with Jerry's parents in Boca Del Vista until the incident blows over.
As always, let's end with a gold image or two:
I'm not certain of the bondage theme this week, but then again, it might be my feeling of being chained to a desk. Regardless, stay open to new possibilities, don't get yourself tied in knots and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
{Editor's Note: I'll be catching up on everyone's blogs this weekend.}
{This is the 34th entry in a recurring series that will only happen when I have consumed far too many spirits. This past weekend, I celebrated two weeks on a new job with Brooklyn lager & Heineken, which triggered strange thoughts, candid insights and pure horseshit. Selah.}
* Find out quickly who everyone in the office hates, and never eat lunch with that person during your first month unless you want to be lumped in with them
* Make fast friends with the office administrator
* Do not get caught staring down her shirt
* Find the most discreet exit out of the building so you can leave without announcing it to the rest of the office
* Learn people's names immediately even if it consumes far too much of your time
* Never actually address anyone by name unless you're sure that you are correct
* Don't wear easily identifiable shoes so people can recognize you when you're in the bathroom stall
* Never take advice from anyone in your particular group who appears overly ambitious
* Laugh at everything - whether it's funny or not.
* Especially if your boss considers himself an amateur comedian
* But never blatantly kiss your boss's ass in public - it's beneath you 
* Keep a bottle of decent liquor and some glasses in your desk because you just never know
* "My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.” - Winston Churchill
{Editor's Note: $2 Dollar Productions apologizes for being largely MIA recently, however, for at least a few months he will be merely trying to keep his head above water at one of the largest companies in the world.}
"I'm standing where my, uh, living room was and it's not here because my house is gone and it's an Ultimart! You can never go home again, Oatman... but I guess you can shop there." - John Cusack, 'Grosse Pointe Blank'
'Grosse Pointe' was a particularly excellent film, and probably the best project that Cusack has starred in during the last decade. I wouldn't mind going home again, but instead, I'll be trying to cram some fun into this weekend before I leave for California on Monday to start my new gig. The initial training will last a week before I head back to Austin for the duration of my impending tenure.
But until then, let's look at the hard stories of the week such as:
In the latest Sandra Bullock - Jesse James drama, Bullock was dogged by rumors of a sex tape this week.
RadarOnline.com reported that Jesse has more than 12 homemade videos that were made with other women, although it was unclear if they exist or were filmed before, after or during his marriage.
"Most of the tapes feature a mass amount of Nazi paraphernalia," an insider tells RadarOnline.com. "It's all really quite disturbing." "What I saw was a naked woman on her knees and Jesse in a Nazi hat waving his arm in a salute," the insider said. "It looked like the woman's hands were bound."
Bullock released a statement denying that she is a participant is any sex tape: "There is no sex tape. There never has been one and there never will be one."
Bullock continued by saying "the only embarrassing video you'll find me starring in is 'Miss Congeniality 2' for which I apologize to all ticket buyers."
Jon Gosselin sued ex-wife Kate Gosselin for primary custody of their eight children this week. He also asked the court to review his child support obligation.
Gosselin's attorney, Anthony List, has previously accused Kate Gosselin of neglecting the children because she appears on ABC's "Dancing with the Stars," a charge her attorney rejected as "patently false."
The impending mediation will go like this: Jon - "Without the kids I'm simply a doughy douchebag. I need them." Kate - "No way. Without the kids I'm just a bitch. They're mine." It's really hard to pick sides in this one, and either way, the kids lose.
Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy announced their break-up this week via Twitter.
The two actors each tweeted Tuesday that they have ended their relationship after five years.
Carrey wrote that he wishes her "the very best!" and McCarthy Tweeted that she "will always keep Jim as a leading man in my heart."
It's really too bad because I find them both infinitely more likable together versus separated.
Bruce Springsteen found himself in a divorce drama this week when court papers from a New Jersey housewife and her husband, who named Springsteen as a seducer of his wife.
Ann Kelly, 45, was accused by her husband Arthur Kelly, 46, of sleeping with Springsteen. He claimed in court papers that Springsteen entered her life in 2005 and showered her with concert tickets, serenaded her during rehearsals and confessing she was on his mind while he toured.
Ann Kelly gave herself away when she repeatedly came home late, and when questioned by her husband concerning her whereabouts, told him she was working for The Boss even though she doesn't have a job.
Nicollette Sheridan filed a lawsuit this week against Marc Cherry, creator of 'Desperate Housewives', alleging assault and wrongful termination.
Sheridan says that in September 2008 Cherry "took her aside and forcefully hit her with his hand across her face and head." After she stormed off to her trailer, he came to "beg forgiveness." Sheridan claims she told ABC about the incident, and Cherry proceeded to kill of her show character.
Sheridan is seeking $20 million in damages. 
Insert your own 'Desperate' joke here because that's exactly what this lawsuit reeks of . . .
In other court news, Sean Penn threatened to kill a photographer if he ever ran into him again, according to a new lawsuit that was filed by the paparazzo.
Jordan Dawes alleges he was filming a documentary about paparazzi in October in Brentwood, Calif. when Penn suddenly began “kicking and punching” him, TMZ.com reported.
In the lawsuite papers, Dawes claims that Penn told him: “The next time I see you, you will be in a box.” 
Penn has been spotted lately hanging out in bars with Marc Cherry, and slapping people around.
Singer Whitney Houston postponed three concerts this week due to illness that would have signaled the start of her European tour.
Houston, 46, was diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection by doctors in Paris, and denied rumors that a drug relapse played a part. She called such reports "ridiculous," adding, "at this point, I just don't respond. I don't even read it." 
It doesn't help Houston's story when chooses to recover in Amsterdam.
As always, let's end with a gold image or three:
Among other things, these pics make me want to get in touch with nature. So, explore the natural elements today, feel the warmth of spring on your skin and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
"I learn plenty, yeah, I learned how to sand your decks maybe. I washed your car, paint your house, paint your fence." - Ralph Machhio, "The Karate Kid"
I'm not sure why I was thinking of the 'Kid' this week. Maybe it was because I recently noticed that they were adding a new installment with Will Smith's kid in it, which seems like a bad idea all the way around. Oh well, it seemed like a bad idea for Daniel to perform all that manual labor for Mr. Miyagi too, but it paid off in the end.
I have no pay-off in mind today except that it's Good Friday, so let's hope that it's good for everyone, and look at the hard stories of the week such as:
Jesse James checked himself into a rehab center this week in the latest entry in his rapidly dissolving marriage to Sandra Bullock.
"Jesse checked himself into a treatment facility to deal with personal issues," his rep said in a statement to People.com. "He realized that this time was crucial to help himself, help his family and help save his marriage." 
Rehab Lesson #1: Don't cheat on your extremely popular wife with trashy babes linked to White Power groups. Lesson #2 - repeat lesson #1 dumb-ass.
Ricky Martin confirmed this week that he was gay.
Martin broke the news on his blog, and wrote: "I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am."
For me, Martin confirmed he was gay many years ago when the above pictures surfaced.
Erykah Badu released a new music video this week where she appears naked and uses the Dealy Plaza in Dallas as the backdrop for her nude stroll.
During the video, there is an edited-in sound of a rifle shot, and Badu falls to the ground within feet of where President John F. Kennedy was shot. Badu said in an interview Monday that the video for "Window Seat" was a "protest" and "about liberating yourself." 
Badu was lucky to to be filmed at all since the original photographer had technical issues, but there was a second shooter behind the grassy knoll who captured the footage.
According to TMZ.com this week, police officers who routinely come into contact with Lindsay Lohan have reportedly considered forcing the 23-year-old starlet to get help.
Officers who have encountered Lindsay during her late nights and early mornings of partying said they have been concerned about her “erratic behavior” and “attitude,” TMZ reported, and one night “cops became so concerned they discussed taking her in for a 5150 evaluation.”
Lohan disagreed.
“I’m working and healthy,” Lindsay told Gossip Cop after a report from TMZ had her headed for disaster.
"Working on getting my party on - woo-hoo!" Lohan shouted and then ran away laughing to herself.
Kate Gosselin got into a filmed spat with her dance instructor - Tony Dovolani - over his teaching methods this week on 'Dancing With the Stars.'
“Can you just show me? We don’t have enough time. I’m stressed!” Gosselin told Dovolani.
“Really? Then why don’t you start to pay attention to my teaching then,” he responded. “It’s like really? You’re telling me how to teach you how to dance? That’s what I do for a living.”
After Gosselin proclaimed, “I’m done. I’m done today,” Dovolani agreed. “I’ve been mister nice guy. I’m done,” he said, and mouthed “I quit” to the cameras.
Dovolani later received sympathy basket from Gosselin's 8 children with a note reading: "Please don't send her home yet."
Former 'Dawson's Creek' star James Van Der Beek finalized his divorce to Heather Ann McComb on Monday. 
McComb finally requested the divorce after Van Der Beek refused to stop allowing girls to climb through their bedroom window late at night.
As always, let's end with a gold image or three:
Sometimes it's just as good before you completely unwrap something. So, remember that when it comes to Easter candy, find all your eggs and . . . Happy Good Friday!
-BDS
