Quick Hit Friday . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Friday, December 11, 2009

“We’re having too good a time today. We ain’t thinking about tomorrow,” – Johnny Depp, “Public Enemies”

This was a great line in a very good – though only infrequently great – movie. I’m actually thinking about today and tomorrow as this is the last semi-free weekend I have before the holidays kick into overdrive and it turns into a flat-out sprint until 2010.

So, before I flee the office before 3 p.m., let’s look at the hard stories of the week such:

Most stories seemed to revolve around Tiger Woods and his bevy of alleged mistresses which came out of the woodwork this week. It was hard to keep it all straight as among others, a porn star and a pancake house waitress claimed they have been with the golf star, bringing the tally to at least 9 women who claim some form of association.

Tabloids named porn star Holly Sampson and pancake waitress Mindy Lawton as two of the names on Tiger's steamy scorecard, raising the question of how Woods would have been able to keep so many affairs secret for so long.

My main question right now is how did Woods ever find time to practice golf between trysts? He must drink a lot of Gatorade to replenish his fluid levels . . .

In other Tiger Woods news, Barbro Holmberg, the mother of Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren, was rushed to the hospital Tuesday morning with stomach pains following a 911 call while she was staying at Wood’s home.

According to Orlando's WESH, Holmberg initially refused transport, then was rushed to the hospital "on advanced life support." Homberg was later released after treatment.

I’m not a public relations expert, however, poisoning your mother-in-law is probably not the best way to deflect media attention for Tiger right now.

Finally, rumors surfaced this week that nude photos of Tiger Woods exist, and certain media outlets - Playgirl among the leading ones - plan to publish them in the future.

"We were approached by a third party who wanted to know our 'interest level," Daniel Nardicio, Playgirl spokesman, claims in several published reports. "Our lawyers are currently going over them, the source, the entire package."

But reports that Tiger Woods' lawyers in Britain have secured a court order barring British publications from printing said naked pictures or videos of the golfer. The order was issued by the High Court of London, and the letter stresses that the order is not an "admission that any such photographs exist."

If they do exist, then I guess the world will soon know whether Tiger is swinging a 3 Wood or a Putter down below. Ouch.

(Editor's Note: The above doesn't entirely work, but again, I'm exhausting all my golfing jokes with this continuing story.}

In other sports news, Tom Brady and Gisele Bunchden welcomed a baby boy to their household this week, according to People magazine.

The couple have yet to pick a name, but everyone involved is happy. "I don't have any picks, so we haven't really chosen one yet," Brady, 32, said Wednesday of their new arrival. "But everyone is great. Everyone is doing really well."

I guess no name at all is better than the bizarre and embarassing monikors that most celebrities give their offspring, but then again, if you're a boy with a star quarterback and a supermodel for parents, your name could be Assclown Dipshit Brady and you'd still be a hit with the girls.

Prosecutors charged two people this week with threatening to sell photos of actor John Stamos unless he paid them $680,000.

Stamos' spokesman Matt Polk said there was nothing embarrassing about the images. "At the conclusion of the investigation and hearing, the photos will be available and the public will be able to see that the photos are simply John posing with fans," Polk said.

The extortionists were apparently too dumb to realize that A) No pictures of Stamos could be more embarrassing than his awesomely coiffed mullet from his ‘Full House’ days and B) Stamos doesn’t currently have $680,000 to pay out unless ‘Full House’ syndication revenues are a lot higher than I realize.

Nicolas Cage’s ex-girlfriend sued the actor this week for “mental, physical and emotional abuse” after he allegedly threw her out of her house.

Christina Fulton claims Cage bought her a house in 2001, but when she went to sell it this year, she learned that Cage had never transferred title, reports. In September, the Hollywood heavy served her with a 60-day notice to vacate the premises, said Fulton.

Fulton did not specify in the lawsuit what Cage did to justify her claims of “mental, physical and emotional abuse.”

My bet is that he tied her to a chair and forced her to watch ‘Ghost Rider’ on an endless loop until she vacated the house to escape the pain.

As always, let’s end with a gold image or three:

I can think of a few ribbons I’d like to unwrap even though Christmas remains a few weeks away. Nonetheless, try to show restraint today, make sure your knickers match and . . . Happy Friday!



  1. nobich Says:
  2. I did not like Public Enemies as much as I wanted to. I was disappointed in that movie. & as for Tiger I've heard enough.
    Happy Friday!!

  3. Nobich - You are early today. Ha. I agree about both 'Enemies' (wanted to like it better too) and Woods (even though some of the stories are semi-funny). Happy Friday!

  4. Miss Ash Says:
  5. WTF is with the hair of those two men?? Was it like a requirement to have some type of mulletish/long hair back in the day? 2DP....did you ever have a please! Happy Friday!

  6. TROLL Y2K Says:
  7. My sources tell me that Tiger banged all 4 heterosexuals on the LPGA tour.

  8. Miss Ash - Well, Cage is actually the more serious offender because that is a fairly recent photo. As for me, I once tried to grow a pony-tail back in 9th or 10th grade, but it didn't work out & there are NO photos. Ha. Maybe I'll detail it in another post . . . Happy Friday Miss Ash.

    Troll Y2K - Ha. That seems entirely possible, but four might be a high number. Maybe. Happy Friday.

  9. Boxer Says:
  10. John Stamos - who cares? However, the age of the woman at the time the pictures were taken is interesting.... she's 23 now and they happened five years ago.... do the math.

    I'm sneaking out early today too. One reason why I enjoy this time of the year. It's not "sneaking out" it's "enjoying the holidays". ahahah. Have a safe and sane weekend.

  11. JLee Says:
  12. "Assclown Dipshit Brady" haha
    Has a nice ring to it....

    I guess Tiger does everything in a big way. Don't just cheat, bang 9 or 10 escort/porn stars while you're at it! Yeah, I'm getting tired of hearing about it too.

    I agree about Cage being the bigger offender in the bad hair category. Back in the day, mullets were very hot. ha

    What kind of drawers does that girl in the last pic have on? Tighty whities??

    Anyway, have a good weekend..

  13. Boxer - Interesting. I never saw the shots, but can do the math. Ha. And good call on 'enjoying the holidays' as I plan to start early today, and if I can, 2:30 pm has a nice ring to it. Enjoy yourself Boxer & Happy Friday.

    Jlee - Strangely enough - it does. :) Tiger really did go large and I can't figure out why it took so long for any of this to surface. Bizarre. And yes, Cage is the biggest offender, and no, mullets were never good. Ha. Finally, I don't know exactly what those are, and while they're not my favorites, they will suffice. Happy Friday.

  14. Linda Says:
  15. I love how there are no doctors, lawyers, teachers, etc on Tiger's list of lovers. Pretty obvious the guy doesn't want a woman with a brain. Considering how long all of this has been going on, it's amazing that all these women have kept their mouths shut. Bit of a bad hair day here at QHF, though I love Uncle Jessie no matter how he wears his hair, such a cutie. Have a great weekend and Happy Friday!

  16. Boxer Says:
  17. wait, I was wrong with my math. She was 17.... underage? Bad Uncle Jessie!

  18. I'm so over Tiger and his Wood, Tom Brady is a douchebag and Nicholas Cage just kicked her out of that house in hopes he'd end up with one to live in, seeing how he's losing all of his to the feds.

    happy weekend!

  19. Gypsy Says:
  20. Celebrities crack me up. When will they learn that if you're gonna screw around with women with little going for them, eventually someone is going to blab? Keep stacking them up and the odds just increase.

    Then again, what is Tiger famous for? Hitting a little white ball into a hole a lot more often and in less time than his peers. Big effin' deal. This is what happens when you get paid ridiculous sums of money for not doing much of anything important. They start believing that they are above all the normal rules of society because they are SO important and bimbo after another is cashing in.

    Sorry Tiger but you are dumb as dirt. Can you tell I'm over it already?

    Have a great weekend B.

  21. BostonPobble Says:
  22. I would think that Stamos would be grateful for any kind of publicity right now, unless he's doing something huge with voice over work or London theatre or something that I haven't heard about.

    And maybe I'm a particularly cruel and heartless bitch but if the woman is Cage's EX-girlfriend and he gave her several month's know, I have no problem with this.

  23. I liked Public Enemies, but at the same time thought it should have been much better overall.

    Like I said on Troll's blog: I can't get enough of this Tiger Woods story.

    John Stamos has gotten more tail than you or I could even dream about. Full House mullet or no.

    I need someone in my life who is rich enough to buy me a house for a gift. Ok, fine, I'll settle for someone who could buy me a car.

  24. Linda - Ha. That's a really funny observation about Wood's mistresses. You're right as it's not like he was seducing MENSA members - at least it doesn't seem so, but I'm still amazed nobody talked. Bad hair happened in the 80s, but Cage's hair plugs have no excuse. Happy Friday.

    Boxer - Shoot, I was thinking 18, which is sleazy enough, but yeah, Uncle Jesse should NOT be allowed to babysit anyone's kids. Ha.

    Kmythical Reactions - You're probaly right about Cage as that guy has major money issues, and needs to sell all the houses he can get his hands on to pay the tax man. I'm mostly tired of the Woods story too, but some of the revelations are semi-funny. Happy Friday.

    Gypsy - Ha. I had to laugh at the golf analysis part of the this comment. And yeah, everybody tells at some point, and when you increase your odds, it's only a matter or time, which leads me to believe that he knew he would get caught at some point . . . he's not a moron. Well, maybe . . . Happy Friday Gypsy.

    BostonPobble - I'm generally OK with Cage as well since I"m pretty sure he needs to sell the house to pay his tax bill as he's supposedly broke and suing his ex-business manager. Selah. And I'm betting voice-over work for Stamos - no theater for Uncle Jesse. Ha. Happy Friday Pobble.

    Native Minnow - You're probably right about Stamos, but as for the Woods story, it's interesting yet I don't want to know too much about it, if that makes sense? Regardless, the numbers are semi-amazing. Ha. And I felt the exact same way about 'Enemies.' Happy Friday.

  25. Boxer Says:
  26. need you to come over when you have a chance...... I'm collecting trees.

  27. Boxer Says:
  28. (loft tree! loft tree!)

  29. Boxer - Ha. It's a tiny Fir (sp?) tree from home depot sitting in an Xmas pot on the ledge, but . . . I know I can get a pick of that, so consider it coming today or tomorrow.


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