“She was an ass-model... she did jeans and uh you know, magazines and shit. Anyway, it was fashion week in New York and uh... I took her to Iceland.,” John Travolta, “Taking of Pelham 1 2 3”
I often day-dream about having the means and the manners to someday squire an ass-model off to Iceland for a weekend of partying. Alas, that will not happen this weekend as I have a birthday party at my loft planned for my brother, and there is a lot to do for that. Besides, ass-models are a handful anyway.
But before I leave the office by 3 p.m., let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:
Tiger Woods crashed his car after backing out of his driveway near his Florida home this past weekend as he was leaving in the early morning hours and hit a fire hydrant and then a tree.
Just days before that crash, the National Enquirer claimed that the golfer had been carrying on a romance with the New York nightclub manager, and after the accident, rumors swirled that Woods's wife, Elin, had argued with Woods about an affair just before the accident and that she had caused the scratches police found on his face.
Clear as mud?
The nightclub manager came out and denied the affair a few days later saying:
“I did not have any involvement with him [Woods]," Rachel Uchitel told E! News.
"Whatever was written in the Enquirer was not said by me, it was said by two people that claimed they were friends of mine, but they're not."
Woods denied "the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors." 
Woods might be able to hit a Driver on the golf course, but if the crash proved anything, it’s that he is a terrible Driver in real life.
In a related story, after first denying the "the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors,” Tiger Woods issued a statement Wednesday apologizing for his transgressions following a new story by US Weekly which reported that a Los Angeles cocktail waitress claimed she had a 31-month affair with the world's No. 1 golfer.
"I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves," Woods said on his Web site. "I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone."
It appears that Woods is having a ‘Rough’ time of things and that while ‘Hooking’ up with that waitress may have been a ‘Slice’ of heaven, his wife might now be looking for a ‘Fair Way’ to divide out his assets.
{Editor’s Note: That last line exhausts all my golfing knowledge.}
David Hasselhoff was admitted to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center this week under involuntary psychiatric hold, RadarOnline.com reported.
Hasselhoff was taken by ambulance to the hospital, and released a few days later. The former “Baywatch” actor had allegedly been drinking a large amount of alcohol before his hospitalization, and he was picked up under the California Welfare and Institutions Code 5150 that allows authorities to take into custody persons they believe may be a danger to themselves or others, are gravely disabled or suffer from a mental disorder.
Hasselhoff has denied the rumors. 
These Hasselhoff drinking stories are no longer funny. If you want funny, however, go watch ‘Baywatch Nights.’
Despite multiple break-up reports this week, Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are still very much a couple, according to their reps.
Nanci Ryder and Carrie Byalick, who rep Witherspoon and Gyllenhaal respectively, tell PEOPLE, "They are still together."
Ryder and Bvalick later added: “And as boring as ever.”
Kevin Federline cancelled a planned radio appearance in Australia this week after disapproving of the way it had been promoted.
The former back-up dancer and ex-husband of Britney Spears was expected to co-host the Kyle and Jackie-O Show in Sydney with radio executives advertising the guest stint online by posting audio clips from his last interview on the station, earlier in November, which featured a caption stating: . "Hear (Federline) confess that he's not ruling out getting back together with Britney!"
The marketing apparently infuriated Federline and he pulled out of the presenting slot at the last minute, citing the radio bosses' "unprofessional" behavior for the cancellation, reports TheCelebrityTruth.com. His publicist said: "The headline was completely out of context with the interview and Kevin is not getting back with Britney, so he said, "F**k them, I'm not going to do their show."
In response, the radio station began airing a new caption stating: "Hear (Federline) confess that he's a complete dumbass who still doesn't realize he's only marginally famous for once being married to Britney Spears."
A video of Marilyn Monroe allegedly smoking marijuana as made public this week, nearly 50 years after it was filmed.
The film was recently bought for $275,000 by US collector Keya Morgan, who is making a documentary on the death of Monroe in August 1962 The original video was residing in an attic in New Jersey where the person who filmed it said it was taken at an informal gathering in 1958 or 1959. At one point in the film, Marilyn points her nose toward her armpit and laughs.
The original film-maker - who has asked for anonymity - said the cigarette in the footage contained marijuana.
"I got it - it was mine. It was just passed around," he/she said. 
The video ends with Monroe laughing wildly and yelling into an empty parking lot: “Why hasn’t Taco Bell been invented yet dammit.”
Alec Baldwin told ‘Men’s Journal’ in an interview for its December issue that he has lost interest in acting.
"I don't have any interest in acting anymore," Baldwin, 51, told the magazine. He also added: "Movies are a part of my past. It's been 30 years. I'm not young, but I have time to do something else".
The rest of the Baldwin brothers – Stephen, William and Daniel - immediately began auditioning to replace Alec, however, they quickly discovered that the viewing public doesn’t have any interest in them acting anymore.
As always, let’s end with a gold image or three:
In honor of John “Ass Man” Travolta, I chose to honor his obsession today. So, squeeze those glutes together, crack a walnut or two with them if you can and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
There has to be another golf reference. That can't be all of them.
Sand trap, water hazard, penalty stroke... Oh man. One of those has gotta work somehow. Help a guy out, will ya?
Heff - Man, I must have killed you with those references if that's all you got today. Ha. And I watched the entire Auburn game last weekend, and was pulling for you guys. Sorry about that. I'll work on avoiding man an ass of myself and Happy Friday.
WIGSF - There must be. Penalty stroke would have been a good one. Ha. Didn't think of that one at all. Thanks for that . . . Happy Friday.
Out-of-Bounds, Tiger
asks wife for a mulligan.
Snowman's chance in hell.
Knight Rider? Ja!
Baywatch Days and Nights? Ja! Ja!
The Krauts love the Hoff.
Question for Alec:
How does one quit acting when
they never acted?
Monroe needed a
Jolt-Of-Joe to wake up when
she Bogarted joints.
Party crashers chose
White House over Birthday Bash
for baby brother.
Hey Heff? Steer me to the blog of your buddy, the Bama Guy.
Haiku Master - Excellent stuff today, especially like the Bogart line & mulligan is something I should have incorporated into my golfing line. I know that one & it would have worked. Oh well, . . . good luck this weekend even though I'm pulling for Alabama because I think if - IF - TX beats Nebraska (which worries me), we would have a better chance against Alabama than Florida. At least that's my thought right now. Happy Friday.
Troll Y2K - Heff . . . a little help here. Ha. Thanks.
http://allthingscrimson.blogspot.com
Give him some HELL...Before Tebow does.
Is there a Fair Way
to hook a duck or shank a
skanky albatross?
You're correct that Tejas matches up a little better against Bama. That's still no reason to align yourself with the forces of darkness.
Heff - Thanks & I'll be watching that game as I get ready for the party.
Troll Y2K - Yeah, Alabama's quarterback can't move, and we're pretty decent against the run, so I think Alabama is the better choice. But I do think Saban is an utter jackass.
You're so right when you say David H's antics are no longer funny. They are bordering on tragic.
Alec Baldwin is bored with acting? Is that how he promotes his new movie opening on Christmas Day? I'm sure the studio execs are THRILLED.
Great stuff today (as usual) I hadn't heard the Marilyn Monroe story and your Taco Bell comment is funny. Have yourself a merry little weekend!! :-)
I'm happy that the Hoff's out and on the mend!
although I did hear he passed out because he pumped too much blood into his third leg ;)
and have you seen his commercial for a vacuum penis pump?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2torN-iKOuY&fmt=18
it’s a bit of fun ;)
seriously though, I hope he keeps himself fit and happy and healthy
Oh my, poor Hoff....it is getting rather sad vs funny.....
As for Alec...has he even been in anything in the last 30 years??
Have a great weekend! Enjoy the party!
Boxer - Totally agree about Hasselhoff as he needs to stay in rehab for awhile. I liked the Monroe story myself as I have always enjoyed her, though never to the point of obsession (i.e. paying $275,000 for that video). Ha. I was thinking the same thing about Baldwin, and it's too bad because he's great on '30 Rock.' Have a great weekend Boxer.
Keeno - Hopefully the Hoff is on the mend. I think he ought to stay in rehab for awhile since I swear this story happens once every 6 weeks or so. Thanks for the link as I had no idea that was out there . . . and am a little terrified that it is. Ha. Oh well . . . every product has its place. Happy Friday.
Miss Ash - Flew by you in Cyberspace. Send Hoff a get well card as he probably needs one. :) And Baldwin is great in '30 Rock,' which is a TV show you should check out if haven't watched it. The first 2 or 3 seasons are out on DVD. Happy Friday Miss Ash.
Imagine...a billionaire, globe trotting golfer having an affair or two...what is the world coming to when that can happen? He's gonna pay big time for those transgressions and even bigger if the wife decides she prefers his money to him.
The Hoff has become like a tragi-comedy. I don't even want to laugh at him anymore because it's like kicking a homeless drunk. How the mighty have fallen.
I love those 3 golden images. Oh to have an ass like any oe of those gals. Have a great weekend B and say happy birthday to your brother for me.
Wow, talk about a week of things that don't matter. Tiger Woods' sex life, Marilyn smoking weed and Alec Baldwin's acting future. Me? I care deeply about Federline. Ha! What a dinkus! Have a great weekend and Happy Friday!!
I'm very late today-Happy Friday & tell your brother Happy Birthday!! Have fun at the party
Gypsy - My guess is that she stays with him - for now. But there is some major ddamage control going on. And some of the stories coming out now are bizarre . . . maybe for next week's QHF. How the mighty have fallen indeed as the HOff needs some help. Glad you liked the images as I was a fan myself & I'll pass along the wishes. Happy Friday Gypsy.
Linda - Dinkus. Ha. Liked that one as it is definitely appropriate. I think the Tiger story somewhat matters from a marketing perspective at the very least since he hawks so many products. It will be interesting to see how that plays out. Sordid, but interesting. Oh well, have a great weekend yourself and Happy Friday.
Nobich - Better late than never. Ha. Happy Friday to you & I'll pass them along as well as a drink or two.
I'm here. It looks like I'll get to leave my comments well into the after happy hours of Friday. Great stuff, as usual.
Not that I agree with Tiger's extracurricular activities, I just know that guys like a little dirty once in a while. You’d think Elin would know that, being Swedish and all. Just sayin…
Hasselhoff’s best role was the brief cameo in Dodgeball. That’s how I picture him in real life. I mean, he’s the president of his own fan club for cryin out loud.
There’s nothing good to say about Reese and Jake. You covered it all with “boring.”
The last thing I remember about Federline was seeing that picture of him on a golf course somewhere, and how much weight he had gained. Ick.
(side note… I’m watching Big Trouble right now, and the scene that says Gator fans talk a lot of smack until they lose, then you don’t hear a word from them just played. It made me laugh. And I’m sure that will be the case after the SEC championship game. (I always pull for Big XII teams, unless they’re playing my Big XII team, and believe me that saying GO UT is really difficult to leave my lips.)
So Marilyn smoked a doobie. Why is that worth $275,000?
I also heard that Alec Baldwin said he considered himself a failure as an actor. He was right.
Happy weekend BDS. Go get ya some ass.
I have to disagree. Hasselhoff is still funny. Although he was reaaly good in that Spongebob movie.
Woods. Fight with wife. Crashes car. Busted for anaffair anyway. Triple bogey!
That is some quality dialogue in "Pelham" ha
Maybe Tiger should just retire and make bad pornos such as "Caddy Shag" (groan)
All the other puns were taken...
Hope the party is a success. Have fun :)
Did you see this Chinese news "reenactment" of the Tiger Woods crash? If not, you must:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7i5FlC1MpkE
Kmwthay - No problem on lateness when you bring the detail, so yeah, I agree about Woods but he really seemed to go overboard - ha - had forgotten about the Hoff in Dodgeball as that was funny (and I own the DVD), haven't seen 'Big Trouble' in ages and that Big 12 game nearly gave me a heart attack, it wouldn't be worth $275.00 to me much less $275,000.00, I like Baldwin a lot in '30 Rock' and Happy Belate Friday.
Getoffmylawn - I had no idea the Hoff was in Spongebob, but I don't have kids, so that's most likely why I'm ignorant about that. Ha. And great Triple Bogey line - dammit, that would have been a good one to include. Happy Friday.
Jlee - Bad pun, but that title is probably already being shot as we speak. Ha. Nice take & I always love puns, so . . . party was a good time although the TX game made it very stressful. Hope you had a good weekend. Happy Friday.
Native Minnow - I had not seen this, but am headed over after this, so thanks a lot. I like to stay in the know on these things.
I take it back. Maybe I wouldn't be alright with being the next K-Fed.
Minnow - You've got to have higher aspirations than that. Ha. I have faith in you that you can rise above . . .