2 Dollar Productions

“Aloha, Mr. Hand” – Sean Penn, ‘Fast Times at Ridgemont High'


It’s the end of summer, and yet, somehow Jeff Spicoli’s summer vibe came to me this week, probably due to Penn’s involvement in QHF.

Anyway, it’s finally stopped raining in Austin and it should be 95 degrees and sunny this weekend, so before I hit the office by 4 pm, let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:

The best story of week featured Britney Spears who was sued by a former security guard who alleges in a sexual harassment lawsuit that the pop star emotionally scarred him by exposing herself, insulting him and threatening to fire him over a Slurpee. Awesome.

Fernando Flores is seeking an undisclosed amount for being "humiliated and traumatized" by Spears.

In the Los Angeles Superior Court lawsuit, Flores claims Spears "made repeated unwanted sexual advances" and summoned him to her room at her house "for no other purpose or reason than to expose her naked body or near-naked body."

The Slurpee incident supposedly occurred on the way to a screening of ‘Alice in Wonderland’ when Spears asked Flores to fetch her a Slurpee. When he told her there was a 15-minute wait, she allegedly snapped, "I want my [expletive] drink! God! I'm gonna fire your ass!"


To me, this seems like a dream job: Sex and Slurpees and Spears, so I don’t really get what Flores is complaining about – just bring Spears a Slurpee and screw her on occasion and you probably get a nice, fat Christmas bonus.

Sean Penn and onetime Haitian presidential hopeful Wyclef Jean were feuding this week as Jean accused actor of doing cocaine.

Penn had previously called Jean a "non-presence" in Haiti, was called out by the singer while Jean was singing the song "President." Jean changed the lyrics of his song to say, "I got a message for Sean Penn: Maybe he ain't see me in Haiti 'cause he was too busy sniffing cocaine."

A rep for Penn said: "Mr. Jean is clearly unfamiliar with the physical demands put upon volunteers in Haiti. As aid workers there, the notion of depleting the body's immune system thru the use of illicit drugs is ludicrous. More specifically, J/P Haitian Relief Organization (a.k.a. JPHRO) has a ZERO tolerance policy for any and all illegal drugs. As the leader of this organization, Sean Penn has not only set this policy, but adheres to it. That Mr. Jean would make such a false accusation is reckless and saddening, but not surprising."


Penn added: “And that shit didn’t even rhyme! That ain’t no song.”

Angelina Jolie spoke out this week and condemned a Florida church's threat to burn copies of the Koran to mark the ninth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks.

"I have hardly the words that somebody would do that to somebody's religious book," Jolie told reporters in Pakistan, where she is visiting to help with victims of the recent floods.


I have the words, however, and most of them revolve repeatedly around “ignorant” “dipshit” and “morons.” The Church, not Jolie.

Lady Gaga's September cover of Vogue Hommes Japan will feature the singer wearing only a meat bikini. Seriously.

PETA has chimed in on the Terry Richardson-shot cover, saying "meat is something you want to avoid putting on or in your body," and that "no matter how beautifully it is presented, flesh from a tortured animal is flesh from a tortured animal."


refuse to speculate about how much meat Lady Gaga has actually put inside her body by this point in her life because I am a Gentleman.

Heidi Montag took to Twitter Tuesday to discuss her routine for keeping her breast implants "soft."

"Giving myself a soft tissue breast massage," Montag, 23, wrote. "Ladies we have to keep those breast implants soft."


My message to Montag: Don’t discriminate against Gentlemen when it comes to this chore as I’m an altruist at heart and more than willing to lend a helping hand. Or two.

In other reality show news, a U.S. judge warned "Jersey Shore" reality star Snooki this week that she was acting like troubled actress Lindsay Lohan, and also sentenced her to community service for disorderly conduct.

Snooki had pleaded guilty in August after she was arrested in Seaside Heights, New Jersey. Police said she was being disorderly on the beach and was bothering patrons.

"It appears your recent celebrity has affected your judgment," judge Damian Murray told Snooki. "You seem to be acting like a Lindsay Lohan wannabe," Murray added.


This story really shows just how far Lindsay Lohan has fallen: She is now being mentioned in the same breath as Snooki.

It was announced this week that British television host Piers Morgan will replace talk-show host Larry King when King retires later this year.

The name of Morgan's CNN show has not been announced but it is being billed as a "candid, in-depth newsmaker interview program" based in New York.


Morgan’s first interview will be with an expert hired to explain to everyone just who in the hell Morgan is since I have absolutely no clue.

As always, let’s end with a gold image or two:




I'm all about friends, especially if they are female and partially clothed. So, good luck finding some of those today, try your damndest to make this happen and . . . Happy Friday!

-BDS