Bathing With The Drunken Viking . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Tuesday, March 16, 2010

{This is the 33rd entry in a recurring series that will only happen when I have consumed far too many spirits. Yesterday, I celebrated an impending new job offer with pitchers of Harp, which triggered strange thoughts, candid insights and pure horseshit. Selah.}

• Never gamble with anybody who answers to a nickname

• Anyone who grew up in the 80s still wants to be a Goonie.

• Never use someone else’s joke at a party if the originator is also on the guest list

• Easy writing makes for damn poor reading

• Never order the special at a restaurant when they fail to mention the price

• A pea coat is a really terrible name for an otherwise good coat

• Summer is for screwing, Winter is for sleeping

• Nobody has ever bought any item found inside a Sky Mall magazine

• The more exotic the hide on a person’s boots, the less interesting that person will be if you talk to them.

• A full tank of gas always provokes a good feeling.

• When the captain on an airplane turns on his cabin microphone, he rarely has anything good to announce

“Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.” – Henry Lawson



  1. wigsf Says:
  2. - So, no gambling with bloggers.

    - Do the truffle shuffle!

    - You can use the joke if you can deliver it better.

    - I take it you don't like this James Patterson guy.

    - You said "Pea coat." hehehe. Yeah, maybe I've had a few too many already.

    - Screwing is a great way to keep warm in the great white north. You really should give it a try.

    - I don't know what Sky Mall is.

    - I guess that me and my human boots the dullest person alive.

    - Especially when it's that high octane, no ethanol-watered-down gasoline.

    - Once spent 2 hours on the tarmac for a 1 hour flight. The pilot came on the speaker a few times. Only once was it good news. "We've been cleared for take-off."

  3. Heff Says:
  4. I knew you must have this feature up if I got a comment from you on a Tuesday, lol.

    And that Henry Lawson guy is a frickin' genius.

  5. WIGSF - Appreciate the detail, so yeah, probably no gambling in Cyberspace (at least not for real money), everyone knows about the truffle shuffle, or if the guy is on the other side of the room, Patterson is a hack, exactly why pea coat is a bad name, ha, I know that it would generate heat, but so would getting under the covers & sleeping, maybe no in jail, especially, and that is about the only thing I want to hear from the captain because everything else seems like a delay announcement.

    Heff - Exactly. Or a better chance would be a movie review. Ha. I've never heard of Lawson until this week, but I tend to agree . . .

  6. JLee Says:
  7. 33rd entry! Wow. I didn't realize there had been so many. lol

    First, congrats on the new job.
    Second, I am thinking maybe I ordered something from Sky Mall, but then again, maybe it was "man, I really NEED to order that" and then it never happened. ha

    I second what Heff said about Henry Lawson, with the exception of that burpy bloated feeling. I wouldn't want that every day. ;)

  8. Linda Says:
  9. Mmmmm Harp is on the menu for my St. Patrick's celebration tomorrow. Always nice to have something to celebrate. Hope that job offer comes through!

  10. Jlee - You & me both. Ha. I think your Sky Mall sentiment is the common refrain because that stuff is way overpriced & probably works about half the time. I'm going to have to find out about this Lawson guy, and yeah, the bloated feeling is the main downside. :)

    Linda - Thanks as the job has come through, and I'm currently wrapping up my duties at my old gig. Harp is delicious any time of year, but especially around Patty's Day. Enjoy it.

  11. BostonPobble Says:
  12. I giggled and nodded my way through this whole thing. Special kudos to the ones about gambling, writing, boots and full tanks of gas, though.

    And I have a confession...I tried to watch The Goonies once ~ yes, back in the 80s when it was new and I was its target audience ~ and had to turn it off I thought it was so bad. I have *never* understood its allure.

  13. Miss Ash Says:
  14. Okay noone has every actually bought anything from a Sky Mall magazine BUT haven't you wanted to???

  15. New job offer? Sounds promising. As long as you don't have to move. I hate moving. Let us know if congratulations are in order.

  16. the 33rd? already? so, they're called pea coats for guys too? thats sorta gay. And, I have to declare "Nobody has ever bought any item found inside a Sky Mall magazine" null and void. My stepdad has in fact, ordered an item from the Sky Mall mag. And, it's been used many times. I can't believe I just revealed that. how embarrassing.

  17. I take it one step further and don't gamble period, nickname or not.

    I thought pea coats were only for girls until I saw that picture.

    I just tend not to talk to people wearing cowboy boots, but that's just me.

  18. Gypsy Says:
  19. Congratulations on the new job. Can't wait to hear all about it.

    I'll have to beg to differ with you on summer being the screwing season. I'm like a limp wet rag all summer.....who has the energy for sex?

  20. Bostonpobble - I can't believe this about you & the Goonies. Ha. That's OK as I won't hold it against you since we all have different tastes - but friends, adventure, pirate treasure, a mutant named Sloth . . . what's not to like?

    Miss Ash - Maybe. But I am strong . . . Ha. Actually, I don't think I've even looked at one in maybe a decade. I always bring books & magazines to read on flights.

    Getoffmylawn - They are in order as I start in April, and I appreciate the congrats. Luckily, I don't have to move because I agree - moving is lousy. Absolutely lousy & I love living in Austin . . .

    Kymical Reactions - Dammit. I was hoping that one would hold up. Ha. But what did he order? That's what I want to know, especially since it sounds like it has actually been used & hasn't broken - yet. :)

    Native Minnow - I guess living that close to Vegas has made it blase (sp?) for you, eh? I don't gamble that much, but I do like to place some wagers on sports & play some blackjack and one of these days I'll learn to play craps. Maybe. And I own one pair of boots, but they are Red Wings so there is nothing exotic about them. Ha.

    Gypsy - Ha. It can wilt you. I live in a 100 degree summer climate myself, but I can usually rally & most people wear less clothing so it's constantly being flouted versus winter where everyone is under 17 layers & eating more anyway. Thanks on the job stuff. :)

  21. Boxer Says:
  22. How did I miss a Drunken Viking post?

    Long week..... so sad....

    great post as usual.


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