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Quick Hit Friday . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Friday, January 18, 2008

"Those aren't pillows," - Steve Martin, "Planes, Trains and Automobiles"


I wish I had a pillow so I could climb under my desk and sleep today, but as my grandmother used to say, "wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first." I know the answer to that riddle.

So, let's shake off any sluggishness, and deal with major stories of the week such as:

Entertainers including the singer Mary J. Blige and rapper 50 Cent are among thousands of people whose names are turning up in an investigation into obtaining steroids or human growth hormones, an Albany newspaper reported this week.

The Times Union reported that other possible recipients also included Wyclef Jean, Timbaland, and Tyler Perry among others.




Strangely enough, Carrot Top was not included on the list which makes the whole investigation suspect in my book.

Paris Hilton will be honored by Harvard University as "The Harvard Lampoon," the world's oldest continuously published humor magazine, has reportedly named the paparazzi darling "Woman of the Year," according to United Press International.

Paris is reportedly scheduled to accept the award in front of a large Harvard student body in the middle of Harvard Square on February 6.


There were no details provided on what Hilton would have to do to the "large, Harvard student body," but Hilton said she'd "do whatever it takes to make them happy." Indeed.

Matthew McConaughey announced this week that he is going to be a dad. The actor's publicist Alan Nierob told The Associated Press on Tuesday that the actor and his girlfriend, Brazilian model Camila Alves, are expecting a baby.

"Got some blessed news," the onetime Sexiest Man Alive posted in his online journal Tuesday. "My girlfriend Camila and I made a baby together. It's 3 months growin in her womb and all looks healthy and lively so far. We are stoked and wowed by this miracle of creation and this gift from God, and so excited for the adventure that will come in raising this child, being a mother and a father and shepherding him or her through this life."


He later added the experience has been "tubular" so far, and that he planned to "blow a fat one" and meditate shirtless about the experience.

Andrew Morton, author of "Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography," published Tuesday by St. Martin's Press, alleges that the 45-year-old actor ranks second in command in the Church of Scientology.

The church responded with a 15-page statement, calling the book "a bigoted, defamatory assault replete with lies" and saying Cruise "is a Scientology parishioner and holds no official or unofficial position in the Church hierarchy."


The statement later mentioned that they have their own official "bigoted assault book," a tomb also known as the Scientology doctrine which can be purchased for $39.95 at their online gift shop.

Diane Keaton dropped a F-bomb on "Good Morning America" to promote her new film "Mad Money" this week. Keaton told host Diane Sawyer that she admired her beauty, especially Sawyer's lips, saying that if she had lips like that she wouldn't have had to work on her "f---ing personality" and would be married by now.


Personally, I prefer to work on my fucking versus working on my fucking personality, but to each their own.

In what his publisher calls a record-breaking deal, British pop star George Michael is working on a memoir to come out in the fall of 2009.

"George has promised HarperCollins a no-holds barred biography, and it's certain to be just that," the singer's manager, Andy Stephens, said in a statement Wednesday. "People aren't stupid, they're beginning to notice that the truth is more interesting than the stories the press come up with!"



His publishers simply have Faith that Michael will get the Monkey off his Back, look to his editors as Father Figures and then finish the book so they will grant him his Freedom. Whew.

Comic actor Eddie Murphy and his new wife Tracey Edmonds have split up just two weeks after their wedding in French Polynesia, People magazine reported on Wednesday.

"After much consideration and discussion, we have jointly decided that we will forego having a legal ceremony as it is not necessary to define our relationship further," the statement said.


In other words, Murphy didn't want to get married legally in the United States so he wouldn't have to pay money in the inevitable divorce settlement. He also blamed "island fever" for the dissolving of their union.

Gwyneth Paltrow is back at home and "fine" after she was admitted to New York's Mount Sinai Hospital, according to US reports. No reason for her admittance to hospital was given.


I'm no doctor, however, I assume that Paltrow's pervasive air of superiority finally made her system as sick as it does mine.

Ignoring medical maladies (and all Britney Spears stories this week), let's end with a pleasing image:


Again, I have no medical degree, but I do think that milk is good for the body. It definitely helps you grow, so grab yourself a big glass today, remember to respect your body and . . . Happy Friday!

-BDS

16 comments

  1. Heff Says:
  2. C'mon man, lay off the Carrot. He's trying so hard !

    Please excuse me. I have the immediate urge to go "dip my cookie" in milk.

     
  3. Somehow I knew you were going to mention Hilton as the "Woman of the Year". Haha. Instead of the audience shouting "booooooo", they will be shouting "boooooobs". Comedians.

     
  4. Heff - I'll give it to the Top for effort as he's jacked. Scary, but jacked. Cookies and milk indeed. Enjoy.

    Upset Waitress - How could I miss that one? Ha. And yes, we're all amateur comedians when it comes to Hilton.

     
  5. BostonPobble Says:
  6. Paris Hilton descending upon...Harvard. You know my little Bostonian heart is breaking, right?

     
  7. Luka Says:
  8. Good heavens. That young lady in the last picture appears to have missed her cereal bowl altogether! Breakfast must be a messy business in her house.

     
  9. nobich Says:
  10. Happy Friday

     
  11. Bostonpobble - Things are certainly going downhill since you left. Ha. You see what happens with negligence - Hilton happens.

    Luka - Some people are a little sloppy with their pouring abilities. I refuse to judge, although I wouldn't mind witnessing how this came to be.

    Nobich - Happy Friday back at you.

     
  12. got milk?

    I got something, ain't milk though.

     
  13. Miss Ash Says:
  14. Well done with the George Michael bit, well done indeed!!

    Steroids and Mary J....she doesn't look that ripped???

    I wish I had a pillow as well..to bite on...well that's another story, happy friday!

     
  15. WhatIgot - I understand completely. And I don't want to continue that joke any further. Ha.

    Miss Ash - Biting pillow jokes are ALWAYS funny (at the very least). Ha. And thanks on the Michael bit as I was stumped on that one for a long while. Finally, Blige isn't that ripped but some steroids just keep you semi-lean and none work too well unless you're eating a solid diet.

     
  16. Oh, where do I begin?!? First of all I will not stand by and listen to these outragous accusations towards my baby-daddy (50 Cent) He has done no such thing. Now Mary J. she might be suspect. I don't put much past her, after all she was on love with K-ci or Jo-jo, whichever one of them fools! hahaha
    Anyway, Paris Hilton is still a waste of skin to me
    Tom cruise is a whack job. Him and Katie just look like a horrible couple. They look related, he could be her uncle or something, anyhoo...
    I love Diane Keaton
    If I had titties like that I would walk around with a bikini top and jeans all day and pay for absolutely NOTHING! hahaha

     
  17. Gypsy Says:
  18. I had quite a bit to say $2 until I saw that last pic and then all coherent thoughts went out of my head. Life is so unjust at times :(

     
  19. Trina - Waste of skin indeed. And it's obvious that you're in 50s corner, however, you have to admite he's a little suspect. Ha. Finally, you're right about never having to pay for much of anything, which would certainly be a side benefit even if you couldn't pour milk properly.

    Gypsy - I don't blame you one single bit. Ha. These things happen to the best of us.

     
  20. No one suspected 50 of steroid use? Christ! I thought it was obvious. Gos without saying? But Blige? WTF?

     
  21. vivavavoom Says:
  22. that pic of Carrot Top was absolutely disturbing. and poor George...selling a tell all to be able to go out and do more drugs to then go tell all again...and so on and so on....

     
  23. Getoffmylawn - Yeah. And Tyler Perry? Bizarre. But steroids don't necessarily get you ripped/huge like 50 as the other names on the list were likely using them to just stay semi-trim. Selah.

    Vivavavoom - That Michael book might be half-way interesting - if he can remember most of it. He seems to pass out quite a bit. As for Carrot, nearly every picture I've ever seen of him is disturbing on some level.

     

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