February Sucks . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Tuesday, February 09, 2010

February sucks.

As far as I’m concerned this month is about as useful to me as non-alcoholic beer, soft-core pornography and intelligent animals that still lack opposable thumbs all put together. I think it was the recent run of gray and rainy and cool days that served to remind me of the genuine awful nature of February. Quite simply, there is nothing to look forward to except that the month is mercifully short.

Otherwise, you are forced to deal with a month that boasts no real holidays, only the most cloying and annoying one of them all – Valentine’s Day. And usually these 28 day prison sentences are spent surrounded by patches of the worst weather imaginable. The sky is gray and angry, like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli, and constantly threatens the best of intentions.

What else?

Oh yeah, this is also the time of year where they dump the worst movies on the general public as only the real turkeys and debacles and misfires are released. Television is a minor respite. Sports, however, concludes in February with the Super Bowl, which should be a good thing, but in actuality, only provides an upset stomach from eating too much greasy food and a hangover the next day and the sudden realization that football season really is over for a long while.

This unrelenting assault from the February seasonal forces tends to make me extremely grumpy, and I’ve noticed that I have an even shorter fuse than usual when dealing with morons, buffoons, numbskulls, dipshits, shit-heads, Fuller Brush salesman, fuck-knuckles and telemarketers. It’s a vicious cycle indeed.

I think the only reasonable way to deal with this month is to sleep as much as possible, with the hope that one day when you open your eyes, the calendar will read March 1st.



  1. wigsf Says:
  2. Films of February always suck. Everything is either a chick-flick or a slasher-horror. Being a guy, what use do I have for The Notebook? And the horrors are so stupid. It's always the slutty chick that gets killed first. Don't kill the slutty chicks, they put out! Kill the stuck-up prudes instead.

  3. wigsf Says:
  4. You know, the volcano-worshipers had it right. Who did they sacrifice to the volcano god? The virgins. They let the sluts live. The best way for a virgin to escape the sacrifice was the screw the village's chief.

    For the love of all that is good, please let the sluts live!

  5. JLee Says:
  6. lol WIGSF...
    2D, you are such a hopeless romantic! ha I hear you on the movies and the weather though, although the sun peeked out today a bit. Those fuck-knuckles are the absolute worst..the worst. haha

  7. WIGSF - There are a lot of rom-coms and horror movies this month. The only good movie I can remember about February is 'Groundhog Day,' which is quite good, but also the exception. I'm not a horror movie buff by any means at all, but it seems you've done a historical analysis of who gets killed first . . . Ha.

    Jlee - Hopeless indeed. Ha. Sun is out today, but will be gone tomorrow and replaced by rain/sleet and cold. Grrr . . . and yeah, fuck-knuckles are always the worst, regardless of the particular month in question.

  8. Heff Says:
  9. I concur. Why can't we just skip this God Forsaken month altogether ? Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go procure an extremely over-price card for "Hallmark Day".....

  10. BostonPobble Says:
  11. Amen, brother.

  12. Linda Says:
  13. Funny, I love February! I take all the Oscar nominees, make a list, check it twice and hit the road. I saw 4 fantastic films last weekend. It's sport for me. So many of the nominated films are on DVD as well. Good times in my house!! I'll be all sad when the deed is done on March 7th.

  14. Heff - I'm right there with you . . . leaving in a few minutes to do the same. My recommendation: Papyrus cards are the best if they sell them around yr. parts.

    BostonPobble - Another vote, eh? Ha.

    Linda - Ha. I didn't think about that, but yeah, since they do re-release some Oscar nominated films, those would be good choices. I generally do the same thing myself as I've got 'Up' and 'The Hurt Locker' left to see. I'm just really pulling for 'Avatar' not to win Best Picture. I'll be fairly unhappy if it does . . .

  15. humm. I've never looked at February with such disdain. You have some very valid points and I think I need to reevaluate.

  16. nobich Says:
  17. We are going to be slammed with such snow tonight/ tomorrow. SNOW DAY!!!!! but I feel that way about March just waiting for the spring....( February is a piece of cake)

  18. Boxer Says:
  19. Let me guess, you have to work on President's Day?

    Me too.

    Plus, there are zero movies released that are any good. Everyon is waiting for the Oscars and you just get crap like "Dear John".

    I'm with you pal.

    Plus it rains/rains/rains here in Feb.

  20. Kymical Reactions - You might consider it, but don't dwell as you'll only get angry. Trust me. Ha.

    Nobich - That's right - you are getting slammed with more snow today. Sorry about that as it's probably fun as long as you don't lose power. Fingers crossed, eh? Enjoy the white powder.

    Boxer - Exactly on all accounts. I forgot about President's Day entirely. Ha. And I'd rather jab toothpicks into my eyeballs than watch 'Dear John.' Oh well, things could be worse, but February has never done me any favors.

  21. You're exactly right. It's even been rainy more often than not here. A rarity for sure.

    I don't even know what's playing in theaters right now other than what appears to be a super sappy chick flick titled 'Valentine's Day'


  22. Miss Ash Says:
  23. You held back a bit....tell us how you really feel!! Ha! I'm having a case of the bitchy blahs as well....down with February!

  24. Evan Morris Says:
  25. I'm with you up 'til the thumbs thing.

    I don't eat animals with thumbs.

  26. Native Minnow - Every single actor/actress in the world is in that movie. Seriously. It's nuts. But yeah, the weather has been rotten and if it's even been that way in yr. direction, then things are ugly indeed. I'm ready to put February to rest.

    Miss Ash - Just a thought I had recently about the month. Ha. But it sounds like it's spreading up north too. Screw February.

    Evan Morris - If animals get workable thumbs, then we're all in trouble. They might start eating us. Ha.


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