I F*^#*^* Love Xmas . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Sunday, December 25, 2005 0 comments

I've always felt that a healthly dose of cynicism is good for the soul, but I check mine at the door whenever it comes to Christmas.

Ever since I was a child, I've always loved all things having to do with the holiday which never lets me down and continually dispenses joy, gifts, food, family, stockings and time off to enjoy these things.

Christmas is easily the best holiday because it combines great food with presents. It's that winning combination which causes the holiday to run circles around birthdays, Easter or the Fourth of July.

I love Christmas so much that I find myself with a partial erection nearly every time I even pass by a decorated tree.

So what if I don't have a full-time job?

Or an optioned screenplay?

Or that I have yet to take up ballroom dancing or study native American art?

I refuse to complain about anything on Christmas Day because there's food to eat, presents to open and a giant 12-foot tree in a my parent's living room.

So, happy holidays to everyone but I've got to run because there are pressing matters to attend to and quelling a raging hard-on is the first order of business.


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The Surreal Life . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Friday, December 16, 2005 0 comments

So I finally get to Austin and start adjusting to a full-time office gig, and then on Wednesday afternoon, I got called into the CEO's office where he said "I'm sorry but I'm going to have to let you go."

It wasn't for anything I did or didn't do because most of the office was also fired with the exception of the engineers.

For the life of me, however, I can't figure out why my bosses were pushing so hard to bring me aboard on a full-time basis, and then two weeks later they have the balls to fire me.

At best, it displayed a raging incompetence when it comes to monitoring cash flow and at worst it's just a sleazy, rotten thing to do right before Christmas.

Now, I'm celebrating the holidays by updating my resume and looking into a return engagement to my former life as a personal trainer while I search for a new job in Austin.

This has created a surreal existence because I was just making peace with my old life and beginning to forge a new one when I got blindsided by this firing.

On the plus side, I am getting paid for the remainder of December and I also have a lot of time on my hands these days. The problem is that excess time minus monetary funds equals nothing but horrible daytime television and bad movies like the Steven Seagal vehicle "Out for Justice."

And that combination only leads to lethargy and self-loathing.

I guess the lesson to be learned by this is:

a) I don't belong in an office job
b) This is Karma paying me back for bitching about my new job to anyone who would listen
c) I need turmoil in my life to write anything worth reading
d) My boss is an ignorant toad

Mabye it's all of the above or some combination or maybe there's nothing to be learned at all except to get off my ass and find a new job ASAP.

This will be nearly impossible until at least the new year rolls around, so in the interim, I'll simply live at Xmas parties where the hors d'voures (sp?) are plentiful and booze is free and if you're lucky there might even be presents.

Ho. Ho. Ho.


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Make It Sizzle Part Deaux . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Tuesday, December 13, 2005 0 comments

It's that time again.

For the past 8 months, we've been toiling and sweating it out while trying to finish our second screenplay, "Monkey Business," but now the hard part has arrived because we must turn a 100 page script into a brief synopsis that will demand attention from contest readers, potential agents and even the most casual reader.

This "logline", as I've seen it referenced by some contests, is typically the first thing a script reader will see when your entry comes up for inspection.

Therefore, we need one that will pique interest and cultivate a fertile frame of mind for the person who's about to be entranced by the verbal mastery contained in "Monkey Business."

At least that's the idea.

I actually think we came out of the gates swinging with the synopsis for our first script, "Last Train To Amersterdam." It read:

Boy bands, pop culture and polar bears collide during a wild train ride through Europe which explores a seedy universe populated with has-been actors, German barons, heated housewives, and a degenerate train conductor who knows everyone's secrets.

If I saw that logline, I would be anxious to read the thing for the Polar Bear element alone.

As for "Monkey Business," we need a sizzling synopsis for a script that features two friends, one family, a wealthy suburban neighborhood and the Swinger's Sex Club that wreacks havoc on both personal and professional relationships and touches on topics that vary widely from infidelity to friendship to familial responsibility to beastality.

It really runs the gamut, but we need a solution quickly because we have a contest deadline looming in 2 days and a stellar logline waits for no man.

Or beast in this case.


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Creature Of Habit . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Tuesday, December 06, 2005 0 comments

I know some people who thrive on change.

They'll order something different off the menu at their favorite restaurant just to keep it interesting. Or maybe they drive home from work by a new route or decide that today they'd really prefer paper over plastic.

I, however, am not one of those people.

For many years now, I have been a creature of habit and when I find something that works for me, I generally stick with it unless I am absolutely forced to change.

As you can imagine, my recent re-location and job shift has really thrown me for a loop because my mind hasn't fully adjusted and my body is rebelling and screaming "why are you covering me up in so many clothes."

This is mainly due to the fact that my work uniform for the past 4 years has consisted of shorts and a t-shirt that might or might not contain sleeves.

Now, it's khakis and button-downs and polo shirts and belts and loafers. This has been a tough adjustment, and therefore I don't consider it strange in the least that I like to go home during my lunch hour and walk around my apartment wearing no pants until I have to go back to the office.

It simply makes sense from a comfort standpoint.

But while my body will adjust, it's my mind that truly worries me. All week long I've felt how I imagine someone who's lost an appendage must feel - because I keep trying to reach for something that just isn't there anymore.

In my mind, my Monday schedule should have read:

6 a.m. - Train Marla
7 a.m. - Read newspaper and drink coffee
8 a.m. - Train Cassandra
9 a.m. - Work myself Out
10 a.m. - Train Brandi & Tiffany
11 a.m. - Train Sonya
12 - 4 p.m. - Free Time
4 p.m - Train Cara
5 p.m. - Train Traci
6 p.m. - Go home

I was extremely adjusted to my middle-of-the-day breaks, and it afforded me time to run errands or sometimes just go to the movies, where you will find a motley crew of people on a Monday afternoon who can justify taking time out their day to see a piece of crap like "Domino."

This past Monday, however, I traded in the movies as well as talking to Brandi and Tiffany for a chance to speak with Arvid and Saibal, a couple of database administrators who are sorely lacking in basic communication skills.

Christ, I should have my head examined shouldn't I?

Maybe, maybe not. But one thing I must do immediately is find a new path and a new routine. It might not be as fun or engaging as my old one, but it must be done and it might even lead to more productivity with our scripts.

I've already discovered that one side benefit of a job that doesn't stimulate you creatively is the overwhelming desire to create something after you leave.

It's either that route or another one where I simply drink myself into a stupor, and I suppose I can't entirely rule that out considering I just started my new occupation. Besides, Hemingway was a drunk and a great author. Same with Fitzgerald. The list goes on and on, although I can't name a single screenwriter who would fit in with that club off the top of my head.


Anyway, I thought I'd get these kind of posts out of my system after the last one, but right now I've still got a mild case of the blues. However, I expected the first week to be the most difficult, and it will certainly get better.

In the interim, someone once said to me that one thing change will bring is something new, and so I guess it's time I found out exactly what that will entail.


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