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My Pants Stay On . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Friday, March 04, 2005

About a month ago I posted a blog detailing a rather bizarre offer involving my participation in a shirtless modeling gig that is due to be featured in a coffee table book.

I had spoken with the photographer, and we both agreed that it was something I would pursue if for no other reason than it sounded like a good story. He talked in generalities about a March/April shoot that he described as typical Abercrombie & Fitch stuff with guys running around outdoors with no shirts.

After I got off the phone, I immediately started a diet/workout routine which consisted of 5 days a week of weight training, 3 weekly cardio sessions, low carbs, no sugar, no alcohol, no drugs, high protein and I have been following this regime for the past month.

It has not been fun and I would not recommend it for anyone.

During this time, I have been easily irritated, boasted consistently low energy and the food is flat-out boring. It also doesn't help matters when your sex drive could be accurately compared to a mortally wounded tree sloth.

But the wait is over and the photo shoot is supposedly on for this Sunday in Oak Lawn. For those of you unfamiliar with the Dallas scene, let's just say that the area isn't a bastion for heterosexual males if you catch my drift.

So, I'm basically riding this thing out on a wing and a prayer and I just hope that nothing goes sideways when I show up in a few short days.

All I do know is that I don't care how much alcohol they ply me with at the location, my pants are staying firmly affixed to my torso. And before anyone calls me a prude, just consider that my grandparents will almost certainly have this thing sitting on their coffee table for the world to see someday.

A shirtless grandson is an interesting and vaguely risque picture to show their neighbors, but a full frontal shot turns you into the black sheep pervert of the family who doesn't get spoken about during the holidays.

-BDS

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