2 Dollar Productions

I don't watch nearly as much MTV as I did when I was a teenager.

I lived through the "I want my MTV" salad days of the network, but after "Jackass" left the air, I catch only occasional glimpses of the channel and I feel fine with this arrangement. The other day, however, I managed to find some actual music videos as I was surfing and noticed that rapper 50 Cent had the number one slot with "Candy Shop."

Although I can't argue with the video, which features 50 and a group of sleazy sex madams holed up in some kind of mansion where chocolate sauce, whips and oversized bathtubs are the norm, I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdly juvenile lyrics that were pouring from his mouth and that he appeared to be taking them seriously.

"I'll take you to the candy shop, and let you lick my lollipop, oh girl don't you stop . . .

I'll melt in your mouth not in your hand," - excerpts from "Candy Shop"

I wrote something similar but far more clever during my middle school years, but nobobdy was waving a recording contract at me and telling me how they would rent out a giant house full of girls for my amusement.

Instead, Mrs. Chapman took up my piece of scribbled paper and sent me to in-school suspension, thus proving once again that life is often unfair. On the flip side, 50 did get shot 9 times before making it big so I suppose everything balances out in the end.

It won't be balancing out much longer for Sandra Bullock, however, if she keeps turning down film roles like the character that Hillary Swank ultimately played in "Million Dollar Baby." I just read that Bullock was originally approached to play the white trash boxer in the movie, but after demanding too much money she was told to take a walk.

It's hard to imagine any actress doing a better job than Swank, but Bullock could have used the opportunity to stretch herself and give it the old college try. Eventually, she came around and agreed to work for less money, but by that point the producers and Eastwood had decided to go with Swank and Bullock was left out in the cold with only "Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous" to keep her warm.

I didn't see the original "Miss Congeniality," but I'm willing to bet at least 50 cents that the film didn't leave many unanswered questions that demanded a sequel, and I would bet a whole dollar that the forthcoming sequel is anything but fabulous.

-BDS