"Well, it was a great lunch and enema, thanks. " - Steve Martin, "L.A. Story"
I spent half the week in Santa Monica on business, and I had largely forgotten how great the weather was out there. I passed on the chance for an enema.
Anyway, I might have missed some hugely important stories due to travel, but regardless, before I hit the door by 4:25 p.m. today, let's look at the hard stories of the week such as:
Kim Kardashian was rumored to be dating another NFL player after her relationship with running back Reggie Bush ended earlier this year.
Kardashian has lately been spotted with Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin. An insider was quoted as saying: “They met at a restaurant in L.A. a few months ago and exchanged numbers and have been talking ever since. They’ve had a few dates and it’s going really well. They’re taking it slow. She thinks he’s a really good guy. He’s really sweet to her…He thinks Kim is his dream girl.”
It somehow seems more fitting for Kardashian to be dating a Wide Receiver versus a Running Back for some strange reason.
It was announced Wednesday that Al Gore will not be facing charges of sexual harassment stemming from a claim by a masseuse that he tried to initiate "unwanted sexual contact" with her nearly 4 years ago in a downtown Portland hotel, where he was reportedly staying under the pseudonym "Mr. Stone." Clear?
Multnomah County District Attorney Michael Schrunk said the woman refused to be interviewed by detectives and didn't want the investigation to continue.
In a transcript of the initial interview released by police, the massage therapist said she was doing requested abdominal work on Gore. She claimed he started to moan, demanded she go lower, and later grabbed her hand and shoved it toward his pubic area.
Gore also kept repeating over and over again, "Mr. Stone is hard as a rock and demands release."
Jake Pavelka and Vienna Giraldi, the couple who met and became engaged on the latest 'The Bachelor', have broken up and called off their engagement, according to Pavelka's spokeswoman.
Janice Lee said "Jake and Vienna have split. They appreciate the respect for their privacy at this time." No additional details were provided.
I love it when reality show contestants suddenly ask for their "privacy" in times like this . . .
Val Kilmer was awarded a permit this week to turn his New Mexico ranch into a bed and breakfast establishment. Seriously.
Commissioners in San Miguel County agreed to let the actor turn his 5,970-acre Ranch into a B&B after he apologized to his neighbors for trashing the state in past magazine articles. Kilmer said at the hearing that he understood people getting upset "when you hear negative things about a place you love." 
Kilmer also presented his proposed menu at the hearing - breakfasts which reportedly will include dishes such as Top Gun waffles with sausage Sliders on the side, however, he has promised there will be "absolutely no Mavericks in the kitchen" or he will "personally cook their Goose."
'Lord of the Rings' star Orlando Bloom got engaged to Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr this week.
The British actor's rep confirmed the news to People magazine on Monday. The couple have been dating for about three years.
I guess Bloom finally gave Kerr one ring to rule them all, one ring to bind them . . .
Amanda Bynes announced her retirement from acting this week via Twitter. She is 24 years old.
Bynes got her start on Nickelodeon with "All That" and later her own show, "The Amanda Show," before later moving over to the WB network.
She wrote on Twitter: "Being an actress isn't as fun as it may seem. If I don't love something anymore I stop doing it. I don't love acting anymore so I've stopped doing it." "I know 24 is a young age to retire but you heard it here first," she tweeted. "I've #retired." 
It's too bad that Bynes retired before I could figure out just who in the hell she was.
As always, let's end with a gold image or three:
It's been awhile since we've turned frontal again, and variety is always a good thing. So, pick your appropriate size today, don't discriminate against any of them and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
"Don't fuck with the babysitter," - Elizabeth Shue, 'Adventures in Babysitting'
I really enjoyed that movie as a kid, although I have nagging doubts about how it would hold up today as I seem to remember one scene where Shue starts singing the babysitting blues in a Chicago nightclub. Oh well . . .
I'll hold off on the blues today, and instead, focus on the positives and try to hit the door by 4:25 p.m. Before that can happen, however, we must look at the hard stories of the week such as:
It was confirmed this week that Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart were married in New Mexico.
Gov. Bill Richardson confirmed to The Associated Press on Wednesday that the couple were married at the governor’s mansion in Santa Fe.
During the exchanging of vows, Flockhart emotionally told Ford: “I love you,” and he replied with a smirk, “I know.”
Megan Fox and former 'Beverly Hills 90210' star Brian Austin Green are engaged to be married – again.
"Yes, she is engaged," a rep for the actress told PEOPLE.
Fox and Green were initially engaged in November 2006, but called it off in February 2009 - a decision which was said to be "mutual."
The delay was caused by Green needing more time to collect his ‘90210’ syndication money so he could afford a ring for Fox.
Seinfeld’ co-creator and ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ star Larry David and his ex-wife Laurie David were both denying reports that surfaced this week claiming that Laurie had an affair with Al Gore. Seriously.
Star magazine report based on "an insider," saying she and Al Gore had an affair, adding to the breakup of his 40-year marriage to Tipper Gore.
Laurie David issued a statement: "The rumor is completely and totally untrue. I adore Al and Tipper and consider them part of my family. I'm in a committed relationship and couldn't be happier."
The ‘Inconvenient Truth’ is that it’s true – it’s all true – and Gore picked her up with the line: “Let’s create a little global warming together under my satin sheets.”
A judge sentenced a man to two years behind bars for stalking "American Idol" host Ryan Seacrest this week.
Chidi Uzomah Jr, 26, had pleaded no contest to stalking. Uzomah was arrested in October 2009 at the offices of E! entertainment and he had a pocket-knife with him.
He told the judge he would have used a bigger knife, but "Ryan is so small that a pocket knife was more fitting."
Perez Hilton posted a fake and compromising image of Miley Cyrus on Twitter this week.
The celebrity blogger posted a picture of the 17-year-old Cyrus in which she appeared to have no underwear on while climbing out of a car. The picture was a fake and later removed after an Internet outcry which suggested that Hilton should face child pornography charges.
Perez responded with: "Do you think I am stupid enough to post a real photo of Miley not wearing any underwear? Sure I like to be controversial, but I don't want to go to jail.”
Yes, yes I do believe that Hilton is indeed that stupid.
A Mercedes-Benz owned by Charlie Sheen was stolen this week and pushed off Mulholland Drive. This is the second such incident with Sheen’s cars in the past 5 months.
Someone apparently took the luxury car from Sheen's driveway, and the star of TV's "Two and a Half Men" didn't know it was missing, police Officer Norma Eisenman said.
Police suspect a disgruntled hooker or any random person off the street who is as baffled as I am by the success of ‘Two and a Half Men.”
American Idol’ judge Randy Jackson was hospitalized Tuesday in Southern California with chest pains.
Jackson, 48, was taken to Huntington Memorial Hospital in Pasadena, and a source told The Associated Press that doctors at the hospital think it was a mild heart attack.
Jackson was apparently screaming at the doctors in pain, and the lead surgeon responded with: “I don’t know Dawg – it sounds a little pitchy to me” before ultimately treating him.
Lady Gaga showed up to a Mets baseball game this past week and stripped down her to sparkly bra and bikini bottoms to watch the contest.
Gaga later flipped off fans with both her middle fingers as she drank beer and cursing. 
With that kind of continued behavior, Gaga might be forced to drop the Lady from her name since it’s rapidly becoming a gross misnomer.
Actor Chris Klein, who gained fame in the sex comedy "American Pie," was arrested early Wednesday morning on suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs, an official said.
A California Highway Patrol spokesman said Klein, 31, was taken into custody at around 3:15 am pdt (10:15 am gmt) after the car he was driving was seen drifting between lanes on a Los Angeles freeway. Klein was released later on his own recognizance.
Police also found a molested apple pie in the front seat and Klein's underwear stuffed in the glovebox, but they refused to charge him with public indecency.
As always, let's end with a gold image or three:
In honor of the World Cup and cups in general, these images seemed appropriate. So, juggle however many balls you have in the air today, thigh-highs can still work in the summer and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
{Editor's Note: I will be catching up on blogs this weekend as I am woefully behind - per usual}
"I should have been a farmer, Red" - Wllford Brimley, 'The Natural' 
Most people - or at least myself - only know Brimley as the oatmeal man, but he was pretty damn good in the 'Natural,' which I just watched on Blu Ray this week. He wasn't too shabby in 'The Firm' either.
I wish I was feeling more Natural and less toxic this morning, however, I went to Happy Hour with old colleagues yesterday, so this morning is mildly fuzzy. These things happen.
Anyway, before I can hit the office door by 4:30 p.m., let's look at the hard stories of the week such as:
Lindsay Lohan found herself back in court Wednesday after her alcohol-detection bracelet alarm sounded Sunday - the night Lohan was attending the MTV Movie Awards.
Judge Marsha Revel issued an arrest warrant for Lohan, and to avoid being detained, Lohan posted a $200,000 bail. Revel did not provide any specifics other than to say Lohan violated a court order not to consume alcohol and to wear an alcohol-detection device.
Anyone betting the under on one month of Lohan sobriety following the ankle monitor officially wins their office pool (I had one week).
In other MTV Movie award news, Sandra Bullock made headlines at the show when she appeared onstage with Scarlett Johanson and the pair shared a kiss.
"It was a preplanned, scripted kiss the producers knew about - and it was Sandra's camp's idea," said a show insider. 
Well, I've been planning my Johanson kiss for many, many years and it's going to blow Bullock's out of the water.
{Editor's Note: I probably should have refrained from writing the previous sentence due to future legal ramifications. Selah.}
It seems that the Heidi Montag/Spencer Pratt divorce might be more than a publicity stunt as Montag filed for separation from Spencer Pratt on Tuesday.
She cited irreconcilable differences in a court document submitted Tuesday in Santa Monica, Calif.
I would have cited being married to an incomparable douchebag if I was filing the papers, but I guess the end result is the same thing.
Miley Cyrus caused some controversy - again - this week when she simulated a lesbian kiss with a back-up dancer on stage during a performance of her song 'Can't be Tamed' on the "Britain's Got Talent" TV show.
Cyrus defended her performance on her blog wrote: “it is ridiculous that two entertainers cant (sic) even rock out with each other without the media making it some type of story.” 
I guess 'rocking out' and 'making out' are one and the same for Cyrus.
In bizarre pairing news, Elton John sang at Rush Limbaugh's fourth wedding this past weekend.
Limbaugh, 59, married Kathryn Rogers, 33, in Palm Beach. John was reportedly paid $1 million dollars for the performance. 
Limbaugh's wife was reportedly paid $5 million to marry the bloated, old gasbag.
Alanis Morissette married Grammy-winning rapper MC Souleye at an intimate ceremony at their Los Angeles home, People reported this week.
Morissette wrote on her Twitter and Facebook accounts: “Hi guys! So happy to share with you that my man Souleye and I got married. We’re very excited to embark on this journey with each other.”
Isn't it 'Ironic' that Morrisette - a pop singer - would marry a rapper? No, it's not and neither is the stuff in Morrisette's song 'Ironic,' which has been bothering me for years.
While promoting her new movie 'Grown Ups' this week, Salma Hayek freaked out on camera when a snake appeared during her interview.
Sitting with co-stars Maya Rudolph and Mario Bello, Hayek jerked around and looked terrified as her fellow actors looked on and the snake was corralled off camera. 
This is only barely a story (despite being reported on extensively - seriously), but I'll take any flimsy excuse I can to post the above picture of Hayek in 'From Dusk Till Dawn.'
And that Alanis Morrissette is vaguely ironic . . . because Hayek shot to fame with a sexy dance with a snake in that movie, and now, she seems absolutely terrified of them.
As always, let's end with a gold image or three:
Sometimes it's a bottoms up kind of day, and that's exactly how this one is shaping up. So, don't go chasing your tail today, relax at home or abroad and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
{Editor's Note: I will be catching up on blogs this weekend as I am woefully behind - Again.}
"You're part eggplant," - Dennis Hopper, 'True Romance'
One of the best scenes in cinematic history belongs to Dennis Hopper and Christopher Walken in "True Romance," but really, Hopper had so many great films under his belt like 'Easy Rider,' 'Blue Velvet,' 'Apocalypse Now' and even 'Speed' was elevated by his presence. He will be sorely missed.
Anyway, I can't believe it's Friday as I firmly believe that all weeks should be shortened because in my mind it could only lead to better attitudes, and in the end, greater productivity. But before I leave the office by 4:30 pm, let's look at the hard stories of the week such as:
It was a slow week in Hollywood as it mainly consisted of pregnancy and divorce rumors, and first up was Céline Dion who announced that she is pregnant with twins.
The singer, 42, is pregnant after undergoing her Sixth in-vitro fertilization attempt.
The children were also conceived in the Sixth bedroom in their house with the aid of Six tablets of Viagra, so the chances that one of Dion’s children will turn out to be the Anti-Christ is quite strong.
In other singer pregnancy news, it was rumored this week that Mariah Carey is expecting her first child with husband Nick Cannon.
A source told RadarOnline that the couple are “very excited and very happy” by the news. Pregnancy rumors had dogged Carey since she was spotted outside a Los Angeles medical clinic in May.
Carey’s publicist Cindi Berger did not confirm nor deny the pregnancy, telling RadarOnline, “I’m not at liberty to discuss Mariah’s personal life at this time.”
The real question will be whether or not the baby will be able to cry louder than Carey can sing, but there will be no winners in that battle.
In yet another pregnancy story, Los Angeles Lakers player Lamar Odom denied reports that his wife - Khloe Kardashian - is expecting a child.
"I can't confirm that," he told ESPN on Wednesday "I don’t think so." ESPN noted he was smiling while he said this.
If this is true, then I guess Odom put it in the Hole without too much Dribbling. Ouch.
Sarah Ferguson told Oprah Winfrey on her show this week that she had been drinking and was "not in my right place" when she was recently caught on video offering access to her former husband, Prince Andrew, for $724,000.
The Duchess of York apologized for her lapse of judgment and has said she had financial problems.
She apparently also has drinking and bribery problems because she's absolutely terrible at both of them.
Al and Tipper Gore announced this week that they are separating after 40 years of marriage.
"After a great deal of thought and discussion, we have decided to separate," the Gores wrote in an e-mail to friends. "This is very much a mutual and mutually supportive decision that we have made together."
The Tipping point came one night after Gore drunkenly accused Tipper of contributing to global warming, and she snidely whispered: "We both you know you didn't really invent the Internet."
In other divorce news, it was rumored this week that reality stars Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are having problems and that Heidi has moved out of their house.
"I needed some alone time," Montag told People.com. "There are so many lies out there about me and I just needed space – even away from my husband." 
The glaring problem is the camera crew that Montag brought along with her to film during her “alone time.”
As always, let's end with a gold image or three:
It's definitely hot enough to crave the water in Austin, and other cravings aren't half bad either. So, stay cool as the summer descends, don't be afraid to get a little wet and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
{R.I.P. Hopper, Rue McClanahan, and Gary Coleman}
