{This is the 28th entry in a recurring series that will only happen when I have consumed far too many spirits. This past weekend, I wallowed in a mess of things, white wine with dinner followed by rounds of Dos Equis, Shiner Bock, Heinken, Tecate and Fat Tire, a poorly paced spectacle with a concert thrown in which triggered strange thoughts, candid insights and pure horseshit. Selah.}
• If you have to look behind you before saying it, don’t tell that joke
• Nobody looks good in a flat cap – not even Brad Pitt can pull it off
• Whenever a restaurant includes gratuity on parties of six or more it only ensures your level of service will suffer
• Compliment a woman’s shoes every single time, even if you’re staring at her breasts
• Dentists have the absolute worst magazine selection in all the waiting rooms in all the world
• If you aren’t sitting with kids, then don’t eat at a restaurant where they let you color on the tables
• Never buy an entire outfit that a store mannequin is wearing
• Call in sick to work on a Wednesday – never a Monday or a Friday – and you’ll have a wonderfully inventive day playing hooky
• Golfers are easily the worst-dressed athletes in sports
• You will always get stuck next to a morbidly obese person or a baby on every single flight, just accept it.
• “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading,” Home Simpson
“It's dark and lonely work, Harry - like oral sex, but someone has to do it.” – Pierce Brosnan, “The Tailor of Panama”
‘Tailor’ was a little-seen, but extremely solid film that also co-starred Geoffrey Rush and Jamie Lee Curtis. Personally, I refuse to do much of any kind of work today as I figure everything can hold until Monday. Besides, after a long week, I also have my parents arriving in town, a concert to attend, Father’s Day brunch plans and loads of other responsibilities piling on by the minute.
But before I become overwhelmed, let’s take a look at the hard stories of the week such as:
Today” weatherman Al Roker refused to apologize for a contentious interview with reality show stars Spencer and Heidi Pratt this week about their behavior on NBC’s “I’m a Celebrity . . . Get Me Out of Here.”
On Monday morning’s show, Roker asked Heidi whether she was proud of the way the couple acted on TV. As Heidi talked, Roker interrupted her and asked, “No, the question is, are you proud of this?” Roker also told Spencer that people think he acts like a “jerk.”
Heidi said she cried after the interview and Spencer said it was a good thing he is “saved by Jesus” or he would have “ripped” Roker’s head off. Seriously.
Roker laughed off Spencer’s remarks, telling co-host Meredith Vieira: “If he had tried to come across, I would’ve dumped him like a bag of dirt.”
I never thought I would say this, but Al Roker is my hero.
Sarah Palin accepted David Letterman's apology this week after the late-night host had joked last week about one of Palin's daughters being "knocked up" by Alex Rodriguez.
Says Letterman: "I'm sorry about it, and I'll try to do better in the future." The Alaska governor says she hopes the apology will help change attitudes about men who joke about the sexual exploitation of young girls.
She means you Woody Allen, and she’s coming after you next.
London police are investigating allegations that jewelry was stolen after an Elle fashion shoot featuring actress Lindsay Lohan.
London's Metropolitan police confirmed that a necklace and earrings worth around more than $400,000 were missing. A police spokesman said no arrests have been made in the case and would not comment on whether Lohan had been interviewed or was even related to the case in any way.
The fashion magazine said in a statement Tuesday it had no reason to believe that Lohan was in any way linked to the alleged theft.
In a related story, a cocaine purchase totaling $400,000 was rumored to have occurred in Hollywood this week and paid for in small, unmarked bills.
Billy Joel and his wife, Katie Lee, have split with age differences and rumors of an affair dogging the couple.
“After nearly five years of marriage, Billy and Katie have decided to separate,” a rep told Access Hollywood. “The decision is the result of much thought and consideration. Billy and Katie remain caring friends, with admiration and respect for each other.”
According to the NY Daily News, Lee, 27, has been spotted out regularly with Yigal Azrouel, a 36-year-old fashion designer from Israel. “Their breakup has nothing to do with Yigal,” Joel’s spokeswoman, Claire Mercuri, told the paper. “Their decision to separate was absolutely unrelated to Yigal.”
An unnamed friend told the paper that age played a factor in the breakup — Billy Joel, who turned 60 in May, was 33 years older than his wife. “It was really the age difference that caught up with them,” a friend of the couple told the Daily News. 
This news made Michael Douglas very, very nervous.
In other divorce news, Usher filed for divorce from his wife, Tameka Foster Raymond, after less than two years of marriage and court documents reveal the pair had not been living together for more than a year.
The divorce petition stated the couple has lived separately since July 2008, and said there is "no reasonable hope of reconciliation.”
I bet, however, there is more than a “reasonable hope” that Tameka gets a load of money in the divorce settlement and the R&B singer will Usher in a parade of groupies to sleep with.
Nine Inch Nails frontman Trent Reznor said the band’s performance Sunday at the Bonnaroo Music Festival was their last in the country.
"It just dawned on me that this is our last show ever in the United States," Reznor said during his band's set. "Don't be sad. I'll keep going. But I think I'm going to lose my ... mind if I keep doing this, and I have to stop."
Something tells me Reznor will be willing to put his sanity up for sale once again whenever NIN announces their inevitable comeback tour.
Police decided against pursuing a criminal vandalism case Jessica Alba this week after the actress helped mount posters that were plastered around downtown Oklahoma City.
Police Sgt. Gary Knight said none of the owners of property on which the posters were placed wanted to press charges against Alba, who has apologized.
The property owners were persuaded to drop the charges when Alba apologized to them personally while wearing her outfit from ‘Sin City.’
Sean Penn dropped out of two high-profile films: "The Three Stooges" and the crime thriller "Cartel," this week and is taking an extended leave from Hollywood so that he can focus on family matters, according to sources.
In May, Penn filed for a request to dismiss his legal separation case from wife Robin Wright Penn. It is the second time he has rescinded divorce proceedings.
Something tells me Penn is going to 'Milk' this attention for all its worth during his absence.
As always, let’s end with a gold image or two:
The words blonde and trashy come to mind for some reason or another. But sometimes that is all you really need, so don’t be afraid to pursue your blonde ambition today, feel free to break out the latex and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
{The workplace is a jungle filled with jackals, wineheads and bosses with mouths like a crocodile. There are also decent people, but I'm starting to question the percentages. This is the 17th in a series of corporate encounters which offer no easy resolutions.}
It was an ugly afternoon at the office yesterday.
Then again, a black mood is bound to descend when one-third of the company gets laid off in a series of closed-door meetings which began immediately after the lunch hour ended. Brutal.
Luckily, I wasn’t one of the statistics. For whatever reason – and the hiring/firing decision process remains an utter mystery to me – I survived even though my particular group was cut down by nearly 70 percent. 
It’s not an unfamiliar story these days, and the firings came as the result of purely economic concerns versus anything performance-related. But in the end, it doesn’t really matter what the reasoning is behind a lay-off if you’re on the receiving end of it.
I was friendly with everyone in my own group, and one guy was as close to a friend as a co-worker can get , so it was certainly a painful afternoon. You just feel rotten. Everyone does. Those who got fired are obviously broken up and those who remain feel guilty for escaping the noose, regardless of whether it turn out to be simply a stay of execution.
There’s also no decent way to say goodbye when someone is cleaning out their desks. Everything seems trivial and trite. 
I kept it simple, and just said I had enjoyed working with each person, asked for personal contact information and told them to let me know if they needed anything. Lunches were planned “as soon as we can match up schedules” and firm handshakes were extended.
By 3:30 p.m., nearly everyone had taken their things and left the building. I talked briefly to my boss, then went straight to my car and pointed it south towards my loft and when I got there, I pulled a highball glass from the freezer and fixed a Bombay Sapphire and tonic, feeling lucky and drained and trying not to think about exactly what will await me in the morning as the dust continues to settle.
-BDS
I have to get a cavity filled today, and I'm not happy about it. 
Who would be? I haven't had a cavity since I was probably 10-years-old, but after sitting in last week for a regular teeth cleaning, my dentist took a look at my x-rays and then cavalierly informed me that I had developed an early-stage cavity that required attention.
"You can't really see it on the chart, but it's there," he said.
Bullshit.
I use an electric Sonic Care toothbrush twice a day, and floss almost as often, both facts that I mentioned in response to his accusation.
"These things happen," he said and shrugged before telling me to make a follow-on appointment to have it filled.
Since then, however, I've come to believe my particular ailment is a "recession cavity" versus a traditional one. I'm sure that dentists are hurting along with everyone else in this rotten economy, and therefore, I am convinced that I really don't have a cavity, but that my dentist simply needs the money from me and my insurance plan and so I was diagnosed and am being played like a violin by a man who is probably late on his boat payment. 
That is the most plausible explanation in my mind.
I might ask him about it today when I return to have this "recession cavity" filled, and if he won't admit to it, then I'll at least demand a shot of Nitrous Oxide. If I'm footing the bill, then the least I deserve is a cheap high to go along with this crooked diagnosis.
-BDS
“What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose Tiger,” – Lin Shaye, “Kingpin”
That scene in ‘Kingpin’ is utterly disgusting and hilarious as I have a strong stomach, however, the act perpetrated by Woody Harrelson with Lin Shaye caused it to lurch in revulsion. Anyway, I’m not feeling too badly about anything except the 98 degree weather today, and the prospect of an outdoor party later tonight that I have to attend (and really don’t want to).
But before I can leave the office, let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:
Bret Michaels performed at the Tony Awards this past week, and after singing ‘Nothing But a Good Time' the singer was clocked in the head by a descending set piece that fractured his nose and gave him a busted lip at the Radio City Music Hall ceremony.
Publicist Joann Mignano says Michaels, who performed with his 1980s hair-metal band Poison, said Michaels was also getting a CAT scan as a precaution. Although he's "pretty bruised up," Mignano says Michaels enjoyed the show. 
When Mignano first saw him, however, she thought Look What the Cat Dragged In, and originally, Michaels told her he was hit by a Fallen Angel before later admitting that he lied for the attention, and not to judge him too harshly because Every Rose Has Its Thorn.
Miss California USA Carrie Prejean was fired from the pageant's boss Donald Trump on Wednesday for not honoring her pageant commitments.
Trump said, "To me she was the sweetest thing. Everyone else she treated like (expletive)."
Trump told TMZ.com Prejean refused to appear at roughly 30 events to which she was contractually bound, and failed to fulfill her duties as Miss America. Pageant officials say Tami Farrell, first runner-up to Prejean, will take over those responsibilities. 
I didn’t realize the smiling, waving, tanning and wearing a tiara were quite so demanding, but apparently they overwhelmed Prejean.
Spencer and Heidi Pratt apparently left the reality show “I’m a Celebrity . . .Get Me Out of Here!” for good this week, but not before reports surfaced that Heidi had been hospitalized due to conditions on the show.
A rep for newlyweds Spencer and Heidi Pratt denied it, however, and stated: "There have been many reports that surfaced over the weekend regarding Spencer and Heidi Pratt," the rep tells ET in a new statement. "Many of these reports are false and inaccurate, including any reports of 'torture' on the show," the statement said.
That’s really unfortunate because when it comes to Spencer and Heidi that is one of the few times I would actually condone torture.
Britney Spears is reportedly dating her agent, Jason Trawick, People.com reported this week.
The singer is said to have "always had a crush" on Trawick, who happens to be one of her brother Bryan's best friends. The couple recently took a vacation in the Bahamas with her sons, Sean Preston, 3, and Jayden, 2, in May.
"They are totally and definitely dating," the source says. "Her dad loves him. He's the best thing that happened to her." 
No offense, but when Kevin Federline is your competition, it doesn’t take too much to be the best thing that's happened to Spears.
American Idol" runner-up Adam Lambert landed on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine this week where he finally confirmed that his is gay.
The 27-year-old singer acknowledged the fact in the interview, and says it shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone.
It doesn’t. At all.
Miley Cyrus and her 20-year-old boyfriend Justin Gaston have split up, according to online reports.
Yesterday each celebrity — Cyrus, 16, the star of Disney’s “Hannah Montana” show, and Gaston, 20, the underwear model she’s been dating for a few months — began posting tweets signaling trouble in paradise.
Cyrus posted, “Why does saying good-bye hurt so much” and then “Life will go on. you will smile again...we will smile again.”
Meanwhile, Gaston quoted John Mayer’s breakup song, “Dreaming With a Broken Heart”, then mentioned he’d been crying. 
Gaston would be crying even harder if he went to jail for dating someone underage as that doesn’t earn you much respect in the Yard.
Former Heavyweight champ Mike Tyson married his third wife, Lakiha Spicer, in Las Vegas this week, according to USA Today. 
Spicer agreed to Tyson’s proposal after the boxer agreed only to nibble on her ear and never attempt to bite it off.
Former “Girl Next Door” Kendra Wilkinson and her fiancé NFL player Hank Baskett are going to become parents, she confirmed this week.
The reality star told E! News "Hank and I are thrilled to announce that we are expecting our first child together. We are touched by the outpouring of support by our family, friends and fans." 
As soon as the child is born it will immediately take its place as the second smartest member of their family.
Jessica Alba apologized to Oklahoma City for her involvement in a vandalism case this week.
The actress is in Oklahoma filming scenes for her new film, ‘The Killer Inside Me,’ and found herself caught up in the incident where posters of sharks were pasted around the city, E! reports.
"I got involved in something I should have had no part of," she said in a statement. "I realize that I should have used better judgment and I regret not thinking things through before I made a spontaneous and ill-advised decision to let myself get involved with the people behind this campaign. I sincerely apologize to the citizens of Oklahoma City and to the United Way for my involvement in this incident."
I’m still waiting for an apology from Alba for appearing in “The Love Guru.”
As always, let’s end with a gold image or two:
I can’t complain about fishnets or thongs, although I prefer not to wear either one of them. Still, feel free to suggest these items to the opposite sex today, remember that inviting friends over can have unintended consequences and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
I took a long lunch yesterday to visit a particularly merciless Russian woman for a deep-tissue massage.
It was a long overdue experience. Lifting weights five days a week and then sitting in an office chair all day long will put your body in knots and bunch your muscles tighter than Lindsay Lohan’s hands if you attempted to pry a coke straw from them.
This woman is brutal. She is not without humor, but the entire session consists of her digging her massive elbows and rough, powerful hands into me while I curse and sweat on soft cotton sheets – a combination I usually enjoy when engaging in other activities. But not when this powerful woman is working me over.
There is no relaxation, and the sessions are utterly devoid of any sexual connotations. I was thinking yesterday that this is actually a great thing as far as the looks of the masseuse is concerned. Many male friends of mine always claim they want a really good-looking woman to massage them, but I think that is far better in theory than in reality. 
When put to a real world test, I believe an attractive masseuse can only lead to dissatisfaction, lack of relaxation and potential embarrassment.
Why?
1) Dissatisfaction – This could likely occur because you try to dazzle this attractive masseuse with your keen intellect and wit while she rubs you down. There is nothing inherently wrong with that, however, the dissatisfaction rears its ugly head when it never leads to anything more because it’s not one of those kinds of massage parlors and this isn’t a porno movie.
2) Lack of Relaxation – You can’t relax because her attractiveness causes your male instincts to be alert, tense and ready for action (which is as we walked through above will NOT happen). Even if you were only getting a light, Swedish massage, it’s difficult if not impossible to drift away to a fully relaxed plane when you are acutely aware that a hot woman is rubbing you down with oil.
3) Embarrassment – Due to the combination of attractiveness, rubbing and oil mentioned above, the potential for erections is high (pun intended). This only makes everyone uncomfortable. Trust me.
So, in the end, I think this fantasy of the hot masseuse should stay firmly locked away inside fantasy land where it can reside next to the hot nurse taking your blood pressure and right behind you delivering a pizza to a lingerie-clad slumber party.
-BDS
Worth Full-Price, Matinee or Rental: Matinee. You could, however, justify springing for full price if you were going with a big group of friends and wanted to laugh with an even larger theater full of strangers.
Will I Own It On DVD: Maybe. If I can get it for a good price (i.e. $15 or under), then I will probably buy it one day. 
1) "The Hangover" started generating buzz as the summer's breakout comedy ( a la 'Wedding Crashers' a few years ago) recently, and while it is a consistently funny project, I would still keep my expectations in check because I didn't find it quite as amusing as 'Crashers' or 'Old School,' the latter of which was also directed by 'The Hangover's' Todd Phillips.
2) That being said, there are plenty of laughs to be had from this movie where four friends go to Vegas for a bachelor party (nothing original there), but then things turn ugly and challenging when the groom goes missing and nobody can remember what happened the night before which leads to an interesting romp around Sin City while searching for clues about exactly what happened the night before. It's the structure which allows the audience to discover along with the cast about the night's events that takes an underwhelming premise, and elevates the material into a far more interesting film.
3) The other is the cast of characters, which is led by the trio of Bradley Cooper ('Wedding Crashers') Stu Helms (TV's 'The Office') and Zach Galifianakis (comedian). One of the smartest decisions the director makes is to lose the groom for the vast part of the running time as he is by far the blandest of the four friends, and quite honestly, I never really cared if he was found.
4) Galifianakis really steals the show as the beared weirdo who tags along because he's the brother of the bride. His bizarre gonzo vibes give the movie an edge because like the characters in the movie, viewers also never know what he might do next, but odds are that it will be funny. 
5) "The Hangover" is a deserving R-rated comedy that delivers laughs throughout its running time. It's also got a semi-dark edge to it that keeps the action interesting, but never pushes things too far where you begin to feel dirty just by watching it (see "Very Bad Things" or better yet, don't). The cast works well together from the leads all the way to the extended cameos (Heather Graham, Mike Tyson) and as the summer temperatures rise, you could do a lot worse than spending 1 hour and 40 minutes trying to piece together what happened during the course of one night in Vegas.
{Editor's Note: It's worth staying through the end credits they flash stills of the night in question which fleshes things out and is also funny.}
-BDS
“Mr.McAllister. Mr.McAllister. Somebody's torn down my poster. It's not fair. Can I get an A? Can I get a recommendation? Can I? Can I? Fuck them.” – Matthew Broderick, “Election” 
This film is the best thing Reese Witherspoon’s ever done, and the second best for Matthew Broderick (behind ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’). I hope the best thing I’m going to do is still yet to come, although whatever that may be will certainly not happen today. Today, I plan to be gone by 3 p.m. unless something goes awry, but before that can happen, let’s look at the hard stories of the weeks such as:
During the MTV Movie Awards on Sunday night, Sascha Baron Cohen – dressed in a thong as his fashion designer character ‘Bruno’ – flew into the theater and landed his bare ass straight onto rapper Eminem.
After the prank, Eminem and his entourage appeared to leave in a huff without a word to Cohen or the cameras. Since the show, there has been wide speculation that Eminem was in on the stunt and it was staged to attract attention, and all signs point to the rapper being in on the joke. 
Regardless, if the real Slim Shady had simply stood up, he could have avoided a face full of ass.
Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez were spotted getting cozy last month at a restaurant in New York City, and now a source confirms they are dating.
"It's somewhat serious," the source tells PEOPLE in its upcoming issue. "He introduced her to a bunch of his friends."
Hudson has also been seen at several Yankees games lately cheering on A-rod. For one of the games, she sent her son Ryder and his nanny to the ballpark while she "stayed behind and watched the game from the hotel," adds the eyewitness. "She remarked several times about what a big baseball fan she is!"
The eyewitness later expanded Hudson’s interest to “really any sport that involves balls.”
The Jonas Brothers and their mother, Denise, are on the cover of Good Housekeeping's July issue, and in the article their mother discusses her son’s sexuality. Seriously.
Speaking about her sons' chastity vows, Denise said: ”They are men. They have desires. They have testosterone. . . “ 
I didn’t realize that Joe Simpson had had started managing the Jonas Brothers too.
Teenage actress and singer Miley Cyrus has signed up to star in a fourth series of the hit US show Hannah Montana, according to reports.
The Hollywood Reporter said the 16-year-old will begin filming at the beginning of next year, and prior to the deal it was not clear whether Cyrus would make anymore Montana shows for the Disney channel. 
After the contract was signed, Mickey Mouse removed his homemade knife from Miley’s throat, and whispered “tell no one” before leaving out the back door.
Universal Studios picked up the movie rights to the popular children's book series “Where’s Waldo” from Classic Media with the aim of making a live-action family film.
The film project will be produced by Chris Meledandri's Illumination Entertainment, and the plot of that project revolved around a 30-year-old Waldo who travels through time after accidentally activating a malfunctioning travel machine.
The answer to “Where’s BDS” can only be anywhere except a theater where this movie is playing.
Heidi and Spencer Pratt walked off then back on and maybe back off (who knows at press time) of the show "I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!" this week.
"I'm a Celebrity" airs from the Costa Rican jungle, with semi-famous people competing for food, supplies, money for their chosen charities — and TV screen-time. But Pratt and Montag quickly became fed up as Spencer explained, "Super-celebrities don't belong in the jungle. They belong in Hollywood with the paparazzi."
"We're gonna miss you guys," Heidi told the cast. "But call us when you get back to LA."
The only thing I wouldn't miss about Pratt and Montag is a TV show where they got run over by a bulldozer - I would make sure to watch that.
LeAnn Rimes was accused of stalking her former co-star and alleged marital affair guy, Eddie Cibrian, this week as Cibrian’s wife told US Weekly that the country singer won’t let him go.
“LeAnn is a stalker,” she said. “She refuses to leave us alone – it is shameful and scary. People are going to say it takes two to tango and I get that, but at some point LeAnn needs to stop asking him to dance."
Rimes responded that she never tangos, but some dirty two-stepping might be another matter entirely.
As always, let’s end with a gold image or three:
These women all seem vaguely related or maybe it’s just because they are all in various states of undress while lounging around without a care in the world. That’s where I want to be too. So, cast aside any negative tones today, feel free to shed some clothing and . . . Happy Friday!!!
-BDS
OK. I've got little to no time this morning as I'm about to run off to all-day meetings which should last through tomorrow, but which will mercifully end before Quick Hit Friday.
But I read something this morning (in GQ, not some crazy fan stalker site) that reaffirms my current belief that Megan Fox is likely the best person walking around on the planet right this second (with firm apologies to my wife and my mother).
When asked about Olivia Wilde (TV's "House), Fox said: "So sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox."
Seriously. Just phenomenal.
The other reasons are more traditionally visual:
{Editor's Note: It's unclear whether Fox read all these books, however, I'm betting against it.}
Here's to a quick couple of days for everyone.
-BDS
Worth Full-Price, Matinee or Rental: Matinee. Unless the sight of explosions turns on the inner pyro lurking inside you, then I would suggest a matinee or even a rental, which would probably be the best option.
Will I Own It On DVD: No. I could generally care less if I ever see this again, although I might watch part of it on cable if I was flipping channels some lazy afternoon. 
1) "Terminator Salvation" is a solid entry into the popular franchise, a film that adheres to the precedent of the first two films, but one which doesn't further the mythology in any tangible way beyond a few faint glimmers that are never fully realized. It is an extremely loud (explosions, gunfire) and overly serious endeavor and the latter choice certainly sucks some of the fun out of the project. 
2) This bleak tone also manifests itself in the look of the movie as it is shot in muted colors and washed-out vistas signifying a future (year 2018) that is largely a desolate wasteland after being blown away by computer-generated killing machines. A human movement - the Resistance - still fights the machines led by its prophesized (sp?) leader John Connor (Christian Bale).
3) I'm tired of Christian Bale. He's a good actor, one of the best working today, but like the movie itself, he seems utterly lacking in any good humor. I get that you're an intense actor who is committed to your craft, but lightening up once in awhile or taking on a different role couldn't hurt. That being said, he is perfectly fine in 'Salvation' as he mainly has to yell, shoot guns and give orders, a trifecta right up his alley. 
4) Sam Worthington, a newcomer from Austrailia who is supposed to break out soon with more starring roles, is actually a more interesting character as a half-human, half-machine made by Skynet, but one who can possibly help save the Resistance. He goes toe-to-toe with Bale, and doesn't shrink as many actors might back down. Worthington gives a very watchable performance that reeks of future potential.
5) The director of 'Terminator Salvation' is McG, a man who is somewhat of a joke because of his name and because his main credits prior to this film were music videos and Charlie Angels movie franchise. Many people were hoping he would fall flat on his face with 'Salvation,' but he doesn't. He has crafted a servicable movie that is never inspired, but only rarely awful. I suppose that in itself is a small victory, but for me, this movie left little to no impression and for that reason, I'd say there's no real rush to run out and see it.
-BDS
