February sucks. 
As far as I’m concerned this month is about as useful to me as non-alcoholic beer, soft-core pornography and intelligent animals that still lack opposable thumbs all put together. I think it was the recent run of gray and rainy and cool days that served to remind me of the genuine awful nature of February. Quite simply, there is nothing to look forward to except that the month is mercifully short.
Otherwise, you are forced to deal with a month that boasts no real holidays, only the most cloying and annoying one of them all – Valentine’s Day. And usually these 28 day prison sentences are spent surrounded by patches of the worst weather imaginable. The sky is gray and angry, like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli, and constantly threatens the best of intentions.
What else?
Oh yeah, this is also the time of year where they dump the worst movies on the general public as only the real turkeys and debacles and misfires are released. Television is a minor respite. Sports, however, concludes in February with the Super Bowl, which should be a good thing, but in actuality, only provides an upset stomach from eating too much greasy food and a hangover the next day and the sudden realization that football season really is over for a long while.
This unrelenting assault from the February seasonal forces tends to make me extremely grumpy, and I’ve noticed that I have an even shorter fuse than usual when dealing with morons, buffoons, numbskulls, dipshits, shit-heads, Fuller Brush salesman, fuck-knuckles and telemarketers. It’s a vicious cycle indeed.
I think the only reasonable way to deal with this month is to sleep as much as possible, with the hope that one day when you open your eyes, the calendar will read March 1st.
-BDS
“Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? Where the fuck are the God damn Twinkies?” – Woody Harrelson, ‘Zombieland’
Harrelson was pretty damn good in this entertaining flick, and since he was just nominated for a Best Supporting Oscar this week for ‘The Messenger’ I figured that I would pay my respects. Personally, I haven’t eaten a Twinkie in years, but that movie made me want to find those indestructible little yellow snack cakes and have a few.
Anyway, before I hit the office doors by 3 p.m., let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:
Actor Rip Torn was released on bail on Monday and was headed for rehab after police said they found him drunk and armed with a loaded gun in a closed Connecticut bank last week.
Torn 78, was charged in court with burglary, criminal trespass and weapons offenses but did not enter a plea. He was released on $100,000 bond, a court spokeswoman said.
Torn's lawyer said the actor was disoriented and believed he was at home at the time of his arrest. He was fond on Friday inside a bank in his home town of Salisbury, Connecticut.
Mr Torn believed he was at home," his lawyer told Reuters. "Based upon that belief he would not have the necessary intent to commit a crime."
The redundantly named actor also hopes to avoid being ripped or torn when he goes to jail. Ouch.
“Jersey Shore” star Snooki denied rumors this week that a sex tape featuring the starlet was making the rounds and up for sale.
Radar Online reported that Snooki was featured in nude photos and video, which were being shopped around to various media outlets. Snooki took to her Twitter page to deny it, writing, ““Like i said before about my supposed ‘sex tape’…There are no nude pictures nor will there ever be. the tabloids just love snook gossip.” 
This is one case where I really hope the celebrity is telling the truth, and that a flesh-baring video of Snooki never, ever surfaces.
Rap mogul Sean 'Diddy' Combs said this week that he plans to launch a business school in the New York area.
He told CNN, "I want to have an academy that's known for building leaders. I feel that's one of the things I can have an impact on." 
Class choices will include: ‘The Art of Cristal Pouring,’ ‘How to wear sunglasses at night,’ and feature an advanced curriculum concerning ‘The best way to give yourself multiple names.’
Taylor Swift’s duet with Stevie Nicks at the Grammy awards this past week generated a bit of controversy as many bloggers accused Swift of being out of tune.
On Wednesday, the CEO of her record label went on the offensive to defend her performance and blames a technical issue for the problem. "This is not American Idol. This is not a competition of getting up and seeing who can sing the highest note," Big Machine Records CEO Scott Borchetta told The Associated Press. "This is about a true artist and writer and communicator. It's not about a technically perfect performance."
Maybe, but for some people, it was Swift's technically imperfect performance that seems to be drawing the criticism.
Mel Gibson called a reporter an ‘asshole’ this week during an interview to promote his new film ‘Edge of Darkness.’
Gibson was on an early morning satellite interview with Chicago's WGN-TV when reporter Dean Richards asked him, "Do you think the public will perceive you any differently after all that's been in the news about you?"
"That's almost four years ago, dude," Gibson said. "I've done all the necessary mea culpas. Let's move on." At the end of the interview, Gibson was heard muttering ‘asshole’ under his breath before the satellite feed went off the air.
The only real news here is that Gibson didn't use the word Jewish in front of the insult, so maybe he did learn something from his arrest four years ago.
Heidi Montag filmed a reunion with her mother this week for the reality show ‘The Hills,’ their first meeting since Heidi underwent 10 plastic-surgery procedures in one day and the meeting didn’t go so well.
"I was nervous, but also excited … I never thought in my wildest dreams she was going to react the way she did," Montag, 23, told PEOPLE. "She was looking at me almost like a zoo animal. It wasn't like I was her daughter anymore. She was looking at me like I was a circus freak."
Meanwhile, a group of circus freaks are silently fuming, and telling anyone who will listen that they don’t look nearly as bad as Heidi.
As always, let's end with a gold image or three:
Sometimes it top-down and other times it's bottoms-up, and both are fine in my book. So, embrace duality today, try to remember up from down and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
Worth Full-Price, Matinee or Rental: Avatar 3-D: Full Price; Avatar without 3-D: Matinee Price.
Will I Own It On DVD: Probably not. The caveat – if 3-D televisions do come out in the next few years, work well and aren’t priced sky high, then I probably will own ‘Avatar’ at some point. Until then, however, the answer is no.
Overrall Grade: Movie itself: B-; Movie Experience: A-
1) To finally watch ‘Avatar’ I spent the past two weeks trying to figure out a system. The first time I simply showed up at the local IMAX theater 45 minutes early for the first showing on a Saturday only to discover the entire day was sold out and people were lined up out the door to get seats for the showing once the ushers opened the theater. This was 5 weeks into the film’s theatrical run.
So, this past weekend, I bought tickets online a few days before Saturday, got there 1 hour early and extracted a fine pair of seats to watch the flick. The question in my mind was: Is this going to be worth the hassle, and the answer was yes.
2) The plot of ‘Avatar’ is nothing new – it reminded me greatly of ‘The New World’ (sans the sci-fi angle) in the most recent cinematic example I could summon – as the film is set in a future where Earth has been ruined by the depletion of its natural resources, so humans have gone to the planet of Pandora to harvest a rich energy source that occurs there. As could be expected, they come into harsh conflict with the indigenous blue inhabitants, a group of people who are in complete tune with Mother Nature and revere their surroundings. You can guess what conflict happens next . . .
3) But the best parts of ‘Avatar’ occur away from the main plot thread as I would guess that nearly an hour of the 2 hr and 43 minute running time is spent exploring Pandora’s geography, which is very cool with the 3-D effects in full force. During the day, the planet is a lush environment filled with massive trees, mountains and waterfalls, and at night, it turns into the best black-light poster ever conceived as vibrantly-lit, neon exteriors abound in every direction. It looks absolutely fantastic. 
4) The acting in the film is universally solid with few real stand-outs. Sigorney Weaver as a scientist trying to ingratiate herself with the natives rises above some of the bludgeoning dialogue, and Zoe Saldana as the warrior princes of the native tribe is also quite good. The men don’t fare quite as well. Sam Worthington is servicable as a marine sent in an Avatar blue body to learn more about the natives, and instead, ends up falling for their way of life. Shocking, I know. 
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5) Overrall, 'Avatar' is a visual feast with a pedestrian story supporting it. This turns out to be enough, however, because the 3-D effects are astonishing, and they really place you directly in the action, which is only heightened by the fact that it occurs on a different planet and so it's easy to get lost in there, especially when it appears that trees and flying creatures and other foliage are constnatly coming at you from the screen itself.
This film really will suffer greatly when it transitions to home video. If 'Avatar' holds any interest for you, then I definitely recommend going to a theater with 3-D and checking it out for yourself.
-BDS
“Chicken Shit!” – Brad Pitt, “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”
“Pussy!” – Angelina Jolie, “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”
I have a feeling that Pitt and Jolie’s fights at home probably involve dialogue just like this, however, that’s purely speculation. Anyway, I plan on cursing only in celebration this weekend since it’s my birthday today and I plan to acknowledge that fact through downtown drinks, steak dinners and presents from now until Sunday.
So, before I leave the office by noon today, let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:
Representatives for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie refuted claims this week that couple was splitting up.
It was reported in several places that the couple, in anticipation of a split, has drawn up papers that would settle custody of their kids and divide their fortune. Reps for the couple, however, stated that Jolie and Pitt are “just fine” they were “just busy lately.” 
Their reps did say, however, that if the couple does split up that they planned to divide custody of the children by region of origin with Jolie taking the Eastern hemisphere and Pitt the West.
Gary Coleman was arrested in Utah this week on a domestic-violence warrant, sources said.
Cops in Santaquin, outside Salt Lake City, would not comment on the arrest, but Utah County jail records indicate that Coleman, 41, was being held in lieu of $1,725 bail for the 2009 warrant.
The domestic violence charges against Coleman stuck when police allegedly saw the bruises on the shins of his wife, a bruise pattern that correlated to his reach.
Comedian Andy Dick was arrested for two counts of felony sexual abuse this week for unwanted groping at a comedy club in West Virginia.
"Based upon statements of two victims and independent witness accounts alleging that he had engaged in unwanted and uninvited groping of the two victims' genital areas, Andrew R. Dick (AKA Andy Dick) of South Pasadena, Calif., was arrested and charged with two counts of Sex Abuse in the First Degree," read a statement from the Huntington Police Department.
The attack allegedly happened after Dick appeared at the Funny Bone Comedy Club and Restaurant in Huntington, West Virginia. 
The cops said Dick was heard groping and slurring “I’ll find your funny bone you sexy beast” before he was arrested.
Kiefer Sutherland revealed this week that he lost $869,000 in an alleged cattle-investment operation scheme that went awry, according to the San Joaquin County District Attorney's office.
Through a financial advisor, Sutherland became involved with suspect Michael Wayne Carr. Carr allegedly promised to buy cattle in Mexico and resell them in the U.S. for a profit. The buy money was transferred, however, there is no evidence that any cattle buying or selling took place, prosecutors say. Carr is expected to be arraigned Feb. 8th on 12 felony charges. 
Meanwhile, Sutherland is wondering around in a daze and asking anyone he passes “Where’s the Beef?” (Nice modern reference, eh?)
Charlie Sheen's wife Brooke Mueller checked into a North Carolina "wellness program" after her release from intensive care following wisdom tooth surgery, according to People magazine.
Her lawyer, Yale Galanter, confirmed that she's in a "facility where she can rest, rest, rest" and get "competent medical care for her mind and body." He said that despite her history of drug abuse that she is not being treated for addiction. "Brooke did not enter a drug rehab program," Galanter tells PEOPLE. "She has been drug free for six months. Since Christmas day, she has been assaulted by her husband, almost lost her life, and developed pneumonia.”
He continued with: “And that’s a crazy bunch of drama that could drive anyone to take drugs, but she’s not there for drugs. I promise.”
As always, let’s end with a gold image or two:
What these images have in common was big, beautiful birthday smiles . . . anything else is purely coincidental. So, show off your pearly whites today, flash your grin or other parts f your body as you see fit and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
{R.I.P. Howard Zinn & J.D. Salinger}
An old co-worker sent me an email this week with a motivational picture attached. 
I had completely forgotten that I wrote the above statement. It happened about two years ago when our boss decided to start posting “inspirational/motivational” messages on the cork board outside his office. I have no idea why this practice began, but I’ve always found the decision to rally people’s work ethic through pithy ramblings to be a losing proposition since I generally feel that anyone who would actually be inspired by such words would also be a person who I never would have hired in the first place .
But that’s just me.
Anyway, one day we all started to find posted messages about teamwork, never giving up, leaving it all on the field, insert your cliché here posted on the board. About two weeks into the project, I began to post my own messages like the centaur line to combat the propoganda. This was relatively easy since I generally arrive at the office before most people get there, and so I remained anonymous throughout several weeks of postings, even speaking to my boss about my suspicions that other departments might be coming over to sabotage his work.
In the end, he took the board down, and that was worth the effort. But obviously my logic struck upon some glaring universal truths because it caused a co-worker to take and store a picture from a message posted in 2008.
-BDS
