Quick Hit Friday . . .

“It's something, isn't it? Hundred bucks, all in - not counting my labor, and the... cost of the dildo. Those things aren't cheap.” – George Clooney, “Burn After Reading”


‘Burn’ was a lightweight, mostly enjoyable movie and the mechanical dildo contraption that Clooney builds is truly something to behold. I can’t build much of anything, so I think I’ll leave that kind of stuff to the pros, and instead, focus on making a few calls and sending even more emails and then hightailing it out of the office for the weekend.

But before that can occur, let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:

Brooke Shields told Health magazine for their June issue that her biggest regret was not having sex sooner.

"I think I would have had sex a lot earlier," said Shields. "I think I would have been much more in touch with myself."


If this sentiment had been conveyed to my high school girlfriend, then I would have touched myself a whole lot less.

Adam Lambert told People magazine this week that he welcomes questions about his sexual orientation.

Lambert, 27, who finished second to Kris Allen in the show that ended May 20, said he has a message for those ongoing speculations about his sexuality, "Calm down," he says, and "keep speculating."


He later added “But the people frequenting highway rest stops know the score.”

Ashton Kutcher threatened to leave Twitter this week after the social-networking service announced Monday it was in talks to develop an unscripted series based on the site.

"It's all fun and games until somebody gets stalked," Kutcher posted Monday on Twitter. "I really don't like being sold out. May have to take a Twitter hiatus."


Seems only fair, I’ve been on a Kutcher hiatus for years and years.

Jessica Simpson is rumored to be starring in another reality series later this year about the beauty issues women face in today’s society, according to US Weekly.

“The Price of Beauty,” as the show may be potentially called, would center around Simpson and a friend on a trip around the world to explore different beauty standards.


For Simpson, the price of beauty includes receiving lewd comments about your breasts from your own father, which is a high cost indeed.

Actor Mel Gibson, who is going through a divorce from his wife of 28 years, confirmed to Jay Leno on Monday that his Russian girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, is expecting their baby.

"This is true," Gibson said during an appearance on "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno." When asked about the status of the baby’s gender, Gibson, 53, replied: "A human being, I think."


Meanwhile, teams of Hollywood Scientologists are hoping the opposite is true.

In other baby news, Brazilian supermodel and Victoria's Secret Angel Adriana Lima announced that she and her husband, NBA player Marko Jaric, are expecting their first child together.

"Adriana and Marko are overjoyed that they are expecting their first child together and are excited to share the happy news and start their family together," say reps.


Marko is also overjoyed that his pact with the Devil to keep this Angel is still intact, the lucky dog.

After three months of laying low after his felony charges for allegedly assaulting Rihanna, Chris Brown broke his silence this week in a short video posted on YouTube.com.

The R&B star, 20, speaks to the camera about his upcoming album and makes an apparent allusion to the drama in his personal life.

"I just wanna say 'What up?' because I ain't been out there in a minute," says Brown before talking about an upcoming album and then concluding with “Everybody that's haters, they just been haters. All my real fans, I love you all. I ain't a monster."


When asked what he’s been doing these past 3 months, Brown replied “attending advanced English classes.”


As always, let’s end with a gold image or two:



Black and white and gold work for me today, and a bit of oil to showcase the parts doesn’t hurt either. So, don’t be afraid to arch your back and lube yourself up, realize that a well-intentioned grope can benefit everyone involved and . . . Happy Friday!

-BDS

Patio Job Interviews . . .

I wouldn’t recommend talking to a recruiter for the first time while sitting on a shaded patio on the Friday afternoon before Memorial Day weekend, two ice-cold Harps already consumed and another one steadily declining in value.


The ambient noise alone is barely conducive to serious human conversation, much less business talk where I was supposed to be selling myself, my accomplishments and my track record as a man not to be ignored when it came to her time. That’s the thing about recruiters – it all boils down to their time and once they feel you are no longer an ideal fit for the job or someone who would embarrass them in front of a client, then they will disappear down a rabbit hole, never to be heard from again.


She was on the West Coast, so it was only 1:45 p.m. PST and I guess it was still reasonable to try to find people. But her call surprised me and since I couldn’t manage to gracefully exit the conversation, I found myself walking to a quiet corner to brag in subtle yet confident tones and supply answers that would grant me access past her gatekeeper function.

Strangely enough, 2.5 drinks is a damn near ideal amount of alcohol to further your own opinion of yourself while limiting any shades of self-doubt. It also means you are not slurring your words, which is certainly a bonus.

Anyway, I was waxing eloquently about my career trajectory (up, always up, never tell them any different), leaning heavily on this past year where things went especially well despite brutal economic conditions, and I could tell that I had her attention – at least until she asked me if I could send her a W2 to verify my claims.

I cleared my throat, let the conversation pause an extra beat or two before replying: “Sure, but I don’t usually do that without an warrant from the FBI, and it’s been years since those guys had me on their radar.”


Nothing. Silence.

“That was a joke,” I said, knowing full well that anytime you have to explicitly state something was a joke, then you damn well know it wasn’t a good one.

She finally responded by switching topics, and we talked for another five minutes. At the end, I agreed to send her my resume and she would get back in touch if there might be a match. I sincerely doubted I’d ever hear from her again.

But yesterday afternoon, I got another call and she was going to recommend they interview me for the position. So, maybe 2.5 drinks and a shady patio do provide a fine backdrop for an interview, although I would suggest leaving any poor and misguided attempts at humor out of the conversation.

-BDS

Quick Hit Friday . . .

“I'll tell you somethin', I hate the fuckin' 90's.” – Mickey Rourke, “The Wrestler”


“The Wrestler” was an excellent film, and now that it’s out on DVD, I’d recommend a rental to anyone. I, however, have no plans to roll around on the mat with other guys today (or any other day for that matter), and instead, will start my weekend early since I took the day off from work.

But before I go buy food to grill, tonic for the gin, ‘Casablanca’ movie tickets for a downtown screening and hit the gym, let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:

TMZ announced this week that Mel Gibson and his girlfriend, singer Oksana Grigorieva, are having a baby. Gibson's girlfriend is in her second trimester and living in a house Gibson bought for her.


Gibson meanwhile continues living out his out his mid-life crisis on a national stage.

“Sex and the City" star Cynthia Nixon announced her engagement to girlfriend Christine Marinoni at a gay rights rally this past weekend.

Nixon, 43, told the crowd at a "Love Peace and Marriage Equality" rally in New York that she and Marinoni got engaged last month and planned to marry, Access Hollywood said. Nixon and Marinoni, an education activist, have been together for about 5 years.


Wait a second, that’s not a man standing next to Nixon? In any event, congratulations are certainly in order.

Alec Baldwin apologized this week for making a joke about getting a Filipino mail-order bride that provoked a sharp response in the Philippines.

The actor quipped during a May 12 interview “The Late Show with David Letterman” that h would love to have more children and that he was "thinking about getting a Filipino mail-order bride at this point ... or a Russian one."

Philippine Sen. Ramon Revilla said Monday that Baldwin's comment was "insensitive and uncalled for." He also threatened him with a beating and said the actor is apparently unaware that the Philippines has a law against mail-order brides.


This story really sounds like an episode of "30 Rock," so it's hard to take it seriously.

Woody Allen agreed Monday to a $5 million settlement in his lawsuit accusing American Apparel concerning their use of an image parodying him as a rabbi without his permission.

Both sides announced the settlement on the morning a trial was to start in federal court in Manhattan. Allen said he hoped the outcome "would discourage American Apparel or anyone else from ever trying such a thing again."


Personally, having Allen endorse any line of clothing would discourage me from buying it, so it’s unclear why American Apparel ever tested these waters.

Jessica Biel told Allure magazine this week that being attractive make life so damn hard for her. Seriously.

"It really is a problem, I have to be blunt," she told the magazine about being so attractive. The star was quoted for a story in the June issue of the magazine.


I also have to be blunt: if you weren’t so attractive, then you wouldn’t be working in Hollywood anyway, so count your blessings.

Michael Jackson's representatives announced Wednesday that the elusive King of Pop will postpone several of his London comeback shows scheduled for this summer.

The delays are likely to fuel speculation that Jackson is suffering from health ailments that may curtail his comeback bid, but Kenny Ortega, Jackson's collaborator, said the change is needed to deliver a flawless production.

"We apologize to all disappointed Michael Jackson fans and remain extremely dedicated and focused on creating an exceptional live music experience," he said.


Apparently, there’s no truth to rumors that the delays stemmed from problems spraying on his beard and finding the exact location of his nose.

Patrick Swayze, whose battle with pancreatic cancer was first announced last year, denied a false rumor that was widely circulated Tuesday morning saying the actor had passed away, the actor's rep said.

"This is to confirm that Patrick Swayze did not pass away this morning contrary to severely reckless reports stemming from a radio station in Jacksonville, Florida," says Annett Wolf. "Patrick Swayze is alive, well and is enjoying his life and he continues to respond to treatment."


Personally, I don’t find these health watch stories amusing, so I just hope they stop, and in the interim, rent ‘Road House’ if you want some entertainment.

A South Beach store owned by reality TV star Kim Kardashian and her sisters was vandalized this week, according to police.

Miami Beach Police spokeswoman Deborah Doty said Tuesday that a section of the front window of the store, Dash Miami, was scratched and the letters "GUK" were painted in black on the window frame.

On her Web site Kourtney Kardashian said that a store employee discovered the vandalism, and that the graffiti wasn't targeting her sister Kim.


But Kourtney did acknowledge that the giant rubber mannequin ass left at the scene with a knife sticking out of the crack was “a little bit suspicious”

As always, let’s end with a gold image or two or four:





Sometimes, quantity DOES matter. Not often. But it’s a long weekend and why not end with a bonus image? So, don’t be afraid to add fuel to the fire, feel free to use latex at every turn this weekend and . . . Happy Friday & Memorial Day Weekend!

-BDS

Bathing With The Drunken Viking: Old Friends Edition . . .

{This is the 27th entry in a recurring series that will only happen when I have consumed far too many spirits. This past weekend, I had several old friends in town who I had not seen for durations spanning two to five years, so there was lots of celebrating with far too much Fat Tire, Anchor Steam, Vanilla Porter, Spaten and Sam Adams Summer Ale consumed which which triggered strange thoughts, candid insights and pure horseshit. Selah.}



* Re-living old stories with old friends is simpler than making new ones, because now, everyone gets too tired too quickly to create them as easily.

* Regardless, the new ones cannot begin to form until all the small children are stowed away in their respective hotel rooms.

* Although hangovers are impossible to erase, you can undercut all of them with sex and a fried egg sandwich the next day, possibly even at the same time.

* Always buy your recently struggling friends as many rounds as possible without making any mention of it.

* Houseguests are far more enjoyable to have around late at night versus the morning


* Never run out of beer, water, aspirin, and especially toilet paper with guests in town.


* It is never a good idea to watch pornography with a room full of guys.

* I swear that more than half the female groups I see at bars downtown are mainly there to document the night for their Facebook pages versus being available for conversation


* When guests leave, the floor is ALWAYS sticky and it’s never clear exactly how it happened

* There are few things lonlier than being hungover on a Monday morning.

* “Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” – Frank Sinatra

-BDS

Quick Hit Friday . . .

“That is what happens when you sit behind a desk. You forget things, like the weight in the hand of a gun that's loaded and one that's not.” – Liam Neeson, “Taken”


“Taken” was a surprisingly enjoyable revenge thriller that was uplifted by Neeson’s participation as an avenging father intent on keeping his daughter from being sold into sexual slavery, a goal any decent audience member could root for him to accomplish.

I have no designs on buying or selling anyone in this arena today, and instead, plan to finish my work early and prep my loft for visitors from out of town. But before that occurs, let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:

In next month’s Playboy magazine, Shia LeBeouf gave an interview where he talked glowingly about his mother, which wouldn’t be news except that he said this:

"Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother," he says. "She's an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds."


It does sounds very, very sick, and besides, I know for a fact that LeBeouf worked with Megan Fox in ‘Transformers’ so it would be impossible for his mother to hold that title. Impossible.

Donald Trump ruled this week that Miss California USA, Carrie Prejean, can retain her Miss USA crown following recent revelations that Prejean failed to disclose before the pageant that she had posed in her underwear as a teenager.

Trump says the pageant has determined the photos are "fine." "We reviewed the pictures very carefully," he said, according to USA Today. "We are in the 21st century ... Carrie's a model, she's very successful. ... Some were beautiful, some were risqué ... We've determined the pictures taken were acceptable, fine, and in many cases they were very lovely pictures."


Despite his ruling, Trump is still “reviewing” the pictures in question “very carefully” with blown-ups images lining the walls of his office.

Rob Lowe settled a dispute with former nanny, Jessica Gibson, this week with both sides requesting their lawsuits be dismissed and it was unknown if a financial settlement was involved.

Lowe, 45, preemptively sued Gibson in Santa Barbara County Superior Court in April 2008, alleging she was trying to blackmail him and his family unless he paid her $1.5 million. Within days, Gibson filed a sexual harassment suit against Lowe and his wife, Sheryl, claiming he groped and exposed himself to her over her 7-year employment with the Lowes.

Lawyers for both sides had no comment.


The lawyers were especially silent on the accusation that Lowe appeared naked before Gibson with a request to “make me burn hotter than St. Elmo’s Fire.”

Kanye West posted a blog this week complaining about Twitter and imposters.

In the posting, the rapper railed against the Twitter site for allowing users to set up accounts under fake names. West called on the site to take down the user tweeting under his name — and Twitter listened – as the user named KanyeWest was suspended Wednesday.

The site doesn't allow impersonation, but does allow parody impersonations clearly meant as a joke.

The real Kanye West has no plans to join Twitter as he wrote: that he's "too busy actually being creative most of the time" and that "everything that Twitter offers I need less of."


If you substitute the word "Twitter" for "Kanye" in his last statement, then we’re in total agreement.

This week, Kate Gosselin, the wife of Jon Gosselin, on the hit TLC reality show “Jon & Kate Plus 8,” was denying reports that she also cheated in her marriage with her relationship with Steve Neild, a bodyguard who frequently travels with her and her family.

This accusation came several weeks after stories linked her husband to a 23-year-old school teacher, Although Kate denied the affair, she did admit to People magazine that her marriage was tumultuous at present.

"I don't know that we're in the same place anymore, that we want the same thing," she said. "I've been struggling with the question of 'Who is this person?' for a while.”


Strangely enough, Jon has been struggling with the question of “Who is this person constantly bitching me out for breathing" for quite some time as well.

Maxim celebrated the 10th anniversary of its annual ”Hot 100” list, which counts down the sexiest stars and celebrities in the entertainment industry, this week and declared Olivia Wilde (TV’s ‘House’) to be the hottest woman in the world.

"I'm considered sexy even though I'm wearing a lab coat every day and seen as a doctor on TV," Wilde says. "That really says something. Playing someone who is not defined by her looks and being considered hot, that really makes me feel good."


With all due respect to Wilde, who I feel is quite the contender, any survey which doesn’t place Megan Fox at the top is just corrupt from the start and thus the results cannot be trusted.

{Editor’s Note: I’m really into Megan Fox recently, not that there is anything wrong with that . . . }

In this week’s useless Lindsay Lohan news, a burglar alarm led police to Lohan's house on Tuesday, where officers found evidence of a potential break-in and ransacking – until it turned out that the mess belonged to Lohan, not the burglars, police said.

Police determined that no one entered the home and nothing was stolen, but the mess inside the starlet's home prompted officers to ask, "Is it normally like this, or did the intruders do it?" said Los Angeles police Officer Karen Rayner.


Apparently, Lohan’s career isn’t the only horrible mess in her life at the moment.

High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens said this week that she'd bare it all onscreen – for the right role.

"I will show nudity in a film when the time is right," Hudgens, 20, said in an interview with E! Online. "Right now, I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it.""When the time's right, if it's an amazing movie that I'm really passionate about and that's what it calls for, then we'll see."


In a related story, the writers of “High School Musical 4” have just added an extended shower scene in the girls locker room to their script, and mailed Hudgens a watch.

As always, let’s end with a gold image or three:




In a departure from the past week’s color shots, I felt a move back to black and white would balance the scales and besides, who doesn’t like an outstanding nipple?

Feel free to answer that question for yourself today, conduct as much research as you would like and . . . Happy Friday!

-BDS

Corporate Etiquette 116 . . .

{The workplace is a jungle filled with jackals, wineheads and bosses with mouths like a crocodile. There are also decent people, but I'm starting to question the percentages. This is the 16th in a series of corporate encounters which offer no easy resolutions.}

I had my performance review with my boss yesterday.

Even if you’ve been performing like a trained seal and blowing out your numbers, these meetings are never any fun, especially in this economic environment. But the session was going fairly well as we reviewed my output from last quarter (highest in our group) as well as my plan for the current quarter.


I’m a bear for detail, so I wasn’t concerned about the written plan I had to present and so I rattled on about my territory strategy, and the deep thinking required to optimize the synergy of the organization to impress prospects by putting our best foot forward as well as maximizing potential revenue through a specific cross-section of testimonials and guerilla marketing. I tried to throw out as many business clichés as possible during the speech.

Towards the end, I also casually mentioned how I scheduled my days with certain activities meant for the home office.

“I see,” said my boss, his eyes lighting just a little. “I noticed you usually leave the office about 4 p.m. correct?”


Actually, I’d been shooting for about 3:50 p.m. lately to avoid traffic, but I stared him in the eyes, and then replied with a simple “Yes.” There was no elaboration beyond that statement. I didn’t attempt to justify it nor point out that it hadn’t affected my production or anything else beyond an efficient confirmation of fact.

He held my gaze for a few seconds, then dropped his eyes down to my written report and said “OK, I guess we’re done here. Keep up the good work.”

It was a great feeling to leave knowing that I now had carte blanche to leave at that time, and also an instructive lesson that saying less can often win you more favor.

-BDS

Thoughts on 'Star Trek' . . .

Worth Full-Price, Matinee or Rental: Matinee. Unless you are a hardcore 'Star Trek' fan or Trekkie (sp?), then a matinee is perfect for this film, which would be best served watching on the big screen if you're planning to see it at all. BUt if you are the former type of fan, then pay full price and wear your pointed ears and costumes and sit far away from me.

Will I Own It On DVD: Doubtful. I'd watch this one more time, especially on Blu Ray where the movie would look absolutely amazing, but that volume viewing is not worth the money spent to buy a copy.


1) I am a 'Star Trek' marketing representatives wet dream. I've never seen a full episode of the TV show nor have I seen an entire movie during the last 20 years, but I still bought a ticket to watch J.J. Abrams take on the franchise this weekend. That being said, my opinion of the film is from a complete outsider's perspective, so I'm sure I missed any number of nitpicky issues with the new film which will likely rile up 'Star Trek' purists.

2) For my money, Abrams did an excellent job crafting a compellingly entertaining movie that is economical in its running time (about 2 hours) and utilizes a fine cast and sharp visuals to create a summer popcorn movie that delivers on its mission to provide a healthy dose of escapism.

3) It's also refreshing to get a somewhat optimistic take on the future versus the streak of extremely glum fare like 'Watchmen' and 'The Dark Knight' and many others in recent years (as well as the forthcoming 'Terminator: Salvation')who present worlds where nobody has any amount of fun and where everybody talks with growly voices to show just how little fun they are having among the scum that populate these wastelands.


4) A large part of the success of this new 'Star Trek' rests on the cast, which is uniformly likable. There are a few weaker links (John Cho), but the pivotal roles of Captain Kirk (Chris Pine) and Spock (John Quinto) both deliver extremely well. My favorite crew member, however, was the ship's resident doctor - Bones (Karl Urban) - whose droll observations help immensesly. Finally, Eric Bana makes for formidable villian, an essential quality to any movie of this genre.




5) All in all, I liked but didn't love 'Star Trek.' As I mentioned, the lore is lost on me, but I found this movie to be entertaining throughout despite some time-travel plot contrivances that bog down near the middle of the film. But overrall, if you can accept this reboot where it appears that a group of college sophmores have stolen their parent's spaceship and are out saving the universe, then 'Star Trek' succeeds very well in its mission to provide a good time.

-BDS

Quick HIt Friday . . .

“Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker.” – Matt Damon, “Rounders”


I enjoyed the hell out of ‘Rounders’ despite never playing a hand of Texas Hold’em poker in my life. And I don’t plan to start dealing myself into that mix today, and instead, will simply focus on putting another week behind me and then escaping into the heat, which is already hovering above 90 degrees in Austin.

Before I start sweating, however, let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:
Kirstie Alley told People magazine for a cover story this week that after stepping on the scale for the first time in 15 months, she realized that she had gained 83 lbs.

"I started screaming," recalls Alley. "It said 228 lbs., which is my highest weight ever. I was so much more disgusting than I thought!" During her three-year stint as a Jenny Craig spokeswoman, she famously trimmed down to 145 lbs., but since parting ways with company in 2007, she had not worked out and banished her gym equipment to the garage.

"I fell off the horse," says the 5'8" star.


It’s true – first Alley fell off the Horse and then she ate it with lots and lots of ketchup.

A 20-year-old man was arrested over the weekend after storming the stage during a Britney Spears concert in Connecticut.

Kyle King jumped on stage during Spears’ performance of her hit song ‘Womanizer’ and attempted to dance with the pop star before being dragged off stage by her dancers and security. King was arrested for breach of peace and was reportedly uncooperative with police.


The police then took a cue from ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time” and beat King in rhythm.

David Hasselhoff admitted to drinking this past weekend, however, denied that he suffered severe alcohol poisoning as was originally reported.

RadarOnline.com said Hasselhoff was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles Saturday with a registered a blood-alcohol content of .39, after his 16-year-old daughter found him unconscious on the floor of his home in Encino, Calif.

Hasselhoff’s lawyers released a statement “ . . . Mr. Hasselhoff is both disturbed and saddened by the fact that a certain individual is disseminating grossly inaccurate stories about him to the press for ulterior motives."


That certain individual was later revealed as KIT, his car which had been nursing a severe grudge for years against the actor.

Kiefer Sutherland allegedly head-butted a man after coming to the unrequested defense of Brooke Shields early Tuesday morning in Downtown Manhattan.

New York's Daily News reported that designer Jack McCollough – a friend of Shields's – interrupted her and Sutherland while they were speaking outside the SoHo nightspot SubMercer, resulting in the head-butt after the two men exchanged words.

"Nothing happened to her ... Jack did nothing inappropriate. It's not clear what caused Kiefer to do what he did," a rep for Shields told TMZ.com.

The designer reportedly received a minor cut on his nose. McCollough is quoted as telling authorities that Sutherland "was drunk and obnoxious and wouldn't back down or be logical.”


Sutherland told authorities that McCollough was withholding valuable information needed to thwart a plot to destroy the United States in the next ’24’ hours.

Paula Abdul told Ladies’ Home Journal in their new issue that she’s never been drunk, but she does admit that she can “get weird.”

In the June issue of the magazine, it’s revealed that Abdul had a condition, reflex sympathetic dystrophy syndrome, that required aggressive pain management. She wore a patch that delivered a pain medication 80 times more potent than morphine, took a nerve medication, and sometimes took a muscle relaxer, according to LHJ. It was this combination that Abdul said caused her to “get weird,” at times.



There was no explanation, however, for Abdul’s sudden refusal to work with MC Scat Cat after their triumphant success in the “Opposites Attract” video.

The directors of the Miss California USA pageant are looking into whether title holder Carrie Prejean violated her contract by working with a national group opposed to same-sex marriage and by posing semi-nude when she was a teenage model.

Pageant spokesman Roger Neal said Tuesday it appears Prejean has run afoul of several sections of the 12-page contract. The contract contains a clause asking participants to say whether they have conducted themselves "in accordance with the highest ethical and moral standards,” and lists if they have ever been photographed nude or partially nude as an example.

"As you can see from the contract, she violated multiple items," Neal told The Associated Press.


In her defense, I’m not entirely sure that Prejean can read.

Jon Gosselin – husband of TLC's top-rated Jon and Kate Plus Eight – denied recent tabloid coverage that alleged the 32-year-old father was unfaithful to his wife, Kate.

In the early morning hours of April 18, a paparazzo photographed Jon leaving a Pennsylvania bar with a woman while Kate was out of town promoting her latest book, Eight Little Faces.


I don’t know if the allegations are true, and while I’ve only seen clips from the show, I don’t think anyone would begrudge Jon a little respite from Kate now and again.

As always, let’s end with a gold image or two:



I’m still stuck on the colorful themes this week largely because that’s what I’m finding in Cyberspace as most of the other naked women pictures have been accompanied by a male penis in tow.

So, realize that black and white situations are few and far between, embrace a little shot of color into your life and . . . Happy Friday!

-BDS

Black Screens & Blue Pills . . .

I showed up for work on Friday morning to find my hard drive had crashed and burned sometime during the night.


A black screen stared back at me, and after working with the IT department, it became clear that the machine was dead. It’s both disturbing and amazing that being locked out of a computer and being without Internet access means I cannot do my job – or at least very, very little of it.

I felt like a male porn star without access to a fistful of Viagra – limp, defenseless and adrift. I wandered around the office trying to keep busy, and kill time. By noon, I had caught up on any stray gossip and bent the ear of a superior to show I was interested in his boring project.


Then, I went home and home is where I have remained until now. Now, my computer has been officially rebuilt and I can’t float the working from home solution any longer to my boss. It’s too bad because I still got my activities done, and was caught up on laundry by the time I was drafted to return.

The salad days are officially over as I now have to search for documents because I failed to properly back up my computer before it turned on me. And before anyone suggests that browsing porn might have caused the machine to break down faster than the digestive system after eating Taco Bell, I never view that kind of filth from the confines of my office.

And that’s just another reason that working from home is so damn good. Whimper.

-BDS

Quick Hit Friday . . .

“I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgeory to remove our godamn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of you're assholes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!” – Chevy Chase, “National Lampoon's Vacation”


That was a funny movie, and even ‘European Vacation’ had its moments despite the insertion of brand-new children into the mix. I am also on a quest for fun today, and the only place I know it doesn’t exist, is at the office. So, before I leave early to seek it, let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are finally husband and wife, a rep for the “Hills” stars confirmed to Access Hollywood this week.

“Today Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt joined hands in marriage during an afternoon ceremony at Westminster Presbyterian Church in Pasadena, Calif.,” their rep said. “Dr. Twining F. Campbell served as pastor in front of 200 family and friends. Afterward, the newlywed couple enjoyed an intimate reception at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel in Beverly Hills, Calif.”


$2 Dollar Productions has already sent the lucky couple their wedding present – a hot tub filled with piranhas - and I hope they use it immediately.

Casey Aldridge, the father of Jamie Lynn Spears’ baby, was injured early Monday morning in a one-vehicle crash in Louisiana. Master Trooper Billy Zeigler says Aldridge was taken to the hospital with non-life threatening injuries.


I guess a condom isn’t the only thing that Aldridge cannot operate properly.

A New York judge convicted a Georgia man of stalking Tyra Banks this week.

Manhattan Criminal Court Judge James Burke heard the case without a jury. He convicted 39-year-old Brady Green of stalking, harassment, criminal trespass and attempted aggravated harassment. Green faces as many as 90 days in jail when he is sentenced in June.


The judge’s sentence seems somewhat harsh considering that anyone who would willingly hang around Tyra Banks is obviously clinically insane.

After a six-year hiatus, multi-platinum selling rock band Creed have reunited for a new record tentatively titled Full Circle.

"We never felt like we weren't together," says frontman Scott Stapp. "We're not looking at this as a reunion. It's more of a rebirth."


My own Creed concerning the band is simple: They stink.

Sarah Jessica Parker and husband Matthew Broderick are expecting twin daughters through a surrogate, according to a statement released this week.

The pair are "happily anticipating the birth of their twin daughters later this summer with the generous help of a surrogate," said the statement.


Apparently Parker and Broderick have been having ‘Sex in the City’ – just not with each other.

Sean Penn filed for legal separation this week from his wife of 13 years, Robin Wright Penn.

The couple has two children together, daughter Dylan Frances, 18, and son Hopper Jack, 15, and they had previously filed for divorce in 2007 but then requested that the petition be denied in April of last year.


This is no real surprise because anyone who saw Penn’s outstanding work in ‘Milk’ last year knows that he’s obviously gay (and Mickey Rourke still should have won the Oscar).

More than two weeks after his wife filed for divorce, Mel Gibson made a rare public appearance with his girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, Tuesday night at the L.A. industry screening of "X-Men Origins: Wolverine."

"Mel has been single for almost three years and it's nice to see him getting out and enjoying himself," his rep tells PEOPLE exclusively.


His rep later added: “And he’s been crazy for nearly 30 years, so cut the guy some slack.”

During a salute to Tom Hanks this week, Julia Roberts delivered a profane introductory speech that was received well by the audience.

"It's late, and I'm paying my babysitter overtime, and I have to pee," said Roberts at Monday's 36th annual Film Society of Lincoln Center Gala Tribute, where Hanks was presented the new Chaplin Award.

Roberts told Hanks, "So, everybody f---ing likes you" before moving on to discuss his 2004 movie The Terminal and said "That movie about you and the airport and the accent was a pass for me. Airport? Were you just an immigrant lost? I didn't know. I love you, but I didn’t know … and I'm wearing the same f---ing dress tonight as your publicist."


Well, fuck me, but I now like Julia Roberts a little bit more.

Rosie O’Donnell and Star Jones ended their feud at a charity event this week.

"Grown up women actually know how to go, 'You know what, you pissed me off,' and then they go, 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to piss you off,'" Jones told Access Hollywood at the 2009 Passing It On Gala, which benefited O'Donnell's Broadway Kids charity.

O'Donnell continued, "The great thing about celebrity feuds is they're never really real in real life you know? It's not like Star and I were prank calling each other."

Their feud began in 2006 after O'Donnell slammed Jones for keeping her gastric bypass surgery a secret from viewers -- a fued Jones says was mostly created by the media.


The pair officially ended the feud after the event by eating an entire cheesecake together while making fun of Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

As always, let’s end with a gold image or three:




The weather is turning warm, and I felt like draping myself in partial nudity and color today. So, don’t be afraid to brighten things up today, don’t shrink from any color palette and . . . Happy Friday!

-BDS