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A Good Feeling . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Well, 2 days, 14 sessions, 6 cups of horrible conference room coffee, 1 glass of watered-down orange juice, 2 dinners, 6 Shiner Bocks, 3 Negro Modelos and countless conversations about the most mundane and universally boring topics I could muster, I finally made it out of the other end of my kick-off meetings and am now getting back to a normal existence.

And it feels good.

I would liken the two-day experience as something akin to having your pubic hair ripped out by a pair of rusty pliers, but that is probably a bit dramatic.

It's beyond me why somebody would feel the need to schedule a dinner at the end of an 8 hour day where you were cooped up with the same group of people who only vaguely know each other. It's a peculiar kind of torture. Why prolong the Executioner's Walk?

Not even a few beers could dull the pain of having variations of the same conversation over and over again.

- "Man, it's hot outside"

- "When did you fly in?"
- "When are you leaving?"
- "How are you getting home/to the next event"
- "I'd like to break down weeping, but I don't think it would be a good career move"

That last one didn't occur, but it would have lent the proceedings some sort of dramatic flair. Now, I actually have real work to catch up on, however, before I dive into that, here are the 5 best things I heard since Sunday night:

1) "I commit to this number - it's either the number or death."
2) "Picture a submarine. We need to plug that hole in the submarine so it will float."
3) "You can't learn to ride a bike from a seminar."
4) "My Dad owns roughly 80 guns."
5) "If you're going up against an 800 lb. gorilla, you've got to fight dirty."

I rarely say this, but it's good to be back in the office.



  1. Glad to hear you survived. We had our retreat on Monday at the house of psychotic pyschologist. You can imagine the fun.

  2. JLee Says:
  3. After the submarine comment, you should have started shouting "plug that hole!!...plug that hole!!" hahaha
    That visual just cracks me up...
    Glad you're back to "normal".

  4. Sarcastic - That actually sounds kind of interesting. A little physchological (sp?) torture never hurt anyone right? Actually, it probably did, but it's good to hear you made it out alive.

    Jlee - It was a funny visual, and strange as I thought the point of a submarine was to submerge under the water, not float. And "normal" is a very relative term.

  5. Wendy Says:
  6. What, no "push the envelope," "think outside the box," "connect the dots?" Hate corporate-speak, but I appreciate the submarine one, because it's different and, even better, it makes no sense.

    By the way, I bought Shiner Bock because you've mentioned it. Husband didn't care for it, but I liked it and I'm not a beer-drinker.

  7. And I'm glad you're back too.

    The Gorilla comment is one I will be using... a lot!

  8. Wendy - It's an acquired taste, but if you like dark, semi-strong beer than I think it's pretty tasty. And I'm glad that the 'box,' the 'envelope' and the 'dots' seem to have gotten so cliche that more people are embarrased to use them. Small favors.

    Anonymous Boxer - It's a pretty good visual isn't it? Ha. I had to laugh, and really it is pretty sensible advice.

  9. Miss Ash Says:
  10. The pubic hair comment made me laugh out loud at work. Good thing i'm in the very back of the office (I call it my cave). I'd hate to have to explain rusty pliers and pubic hair to my co-workers. Granted, they would probably appreciate a good laugh as well.

  11. julia Says:
  12. A two day conference is a GIFT, BDS.

  13. BostonPobble Says:
  14. It's official ~ every one of these things is Exactly The Same conference.

    Glad you're back.

  15. Miss Ash - That is a good thing you're at work, and my guess is that the pubic hair thing is only funny in theory and not in actual practice.

    Julia - I wonder if you've been to a standard 2-day corporte kick-off conference or if yours are just way better than any one that I've ever attended. Most of mine, have been semi-bearable and little else.

    Bostonpobble - There seems to be little deviation and thanks as it feels good to be back.

  16. vivavavoom Says:
  17. well...the mtg did provide some absolute gems of conversation. those last 5 are classic. all they needed to say is the 'there is no I in team' bullshit and it would have been complete. glad you survived....

  18. I'm glad I survived too, and I actually threw out the I in Team thing, but in a clearly sarcastic way. I hope that translated.

  19. Denny Says:
  20. haha i like the you cant learn to ride a bike from a seminar-much like leaning anything else from rah rah company meetings. blah here comes that sick feeling again from thinking about all the wasted time in seminars, mettings, working lunches, mundane conversation at work functions and the like. You were lucky to get out alive.

  21. I feel lucky, but as you noted, it's a little disturbing the amount of time wasted in those things over the course of a lifetime. Ugly thoughts.


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